softly drawn is dawn

Opening to green

It’s birthday time.

and, I’ve been lighting candles

with fervor

burning away what is not working

illuminating the path, to show me the way.

in response, perhaps, the years have been softening me

though, I have not directly asked for that ~

showing me, in all my wrongness, there’s one thing I have right:

my love.

my growing capacity to love.

personal love,

impersonal love,

love of thyself

love of the moment

love of fleeting passion present

love that burns through time and space, with such eternity

knowing no end can ever come of it, because it would only do it to itself, and it really wouldn’t, because it’s matured.

This is my communion, my continuity, my flame for this life. This is my time, and this is its purpose.

and, I am so sincerely present.

without a doubt, I’ve never hidden under a basket.

nor behind a cloak.

I have been the bare me all along.

I have born myself of raw flesh and spirals

I have broken skin and wishes and daydreams.

My knees have been skinned on so many near-almosts…

…absolute misses…

while

Going for it, going for it all.

and there is never a guarantee in the program

the program is not built for guarantees. The whole thing is based on risks and risk assessments.

They say that only the courageous or the stupid put it all out there.

how about the one who knows

that there’s nothing else that’s worth it. Holding back is actually the norm.

and the more i can dig in, this year and next year, and maybe more years after that,

the more dirt under my nails, the more fires smoking in my eyes, the more the holy reckoning,

the more moments of absolute REST after the sheer ‘enoughness’ of my irrevocable ALL

I know I’m living.

I’m doing it.

HBD to me.

🎉

and if I should part before too soon

or even near soon at all,

I shall know that what I’ve done here,

is really, really lived.

practice

How is our creator involved in our human process of “making something of ourselves” in our lives, and in the lives of others? I said the following to my husband in a conversation:

I think for me, the fact that I am on a material planet makes me think that I should have some material goals that actualize before I die. As long as we are alive we want something measurable to become of it. I just think that is human nature. And unless we get real clear about our values and beliefs… and then make plans…Life gets wasted in the loss of memories and unsung songs.” He said, “I think there’s a poem in there.” My goal is to publish another poetry book in 2024. I have other things to consider around the journey of preparing a collection of poems for another book.

What has spawned some of these discussions is something new I’m doing called “Reluctant Shaman,” and this is a 6 week, free course. We ask and answer a series of 30 questions and 5 per week, as a study group. If anyone here is interested in joining our next group iteration (because it might be on zoom) please send me a message in the contact link on my page.

The Lady returns to Her Tower

John_William_Waterhouse_-_The_Lady_of_Shalott_-_Google_Art_Project

waterhouse_the_lady_of_shalott01

Stacked up
in old cases
are micro cassettes,
fragments
of conversations
made with coffee,
beer, and cigarettes.
spun together by the
wheels of travel,
and the comings and goings
of creation.

These
are the fingerprints
and logbooks
of times gone uncatalogued,
but recorded.

Laced among these
etchings of memory is the
antique smell of old wishes,
Fingerprints of old selves’ images
cobwebbed around
corners, breaking the rhythm patterned
slats of black and white into some
gossamer diagonals.

Even the cobwebs have shadows!

What were once
only some dog-eared remnants are now
the blackened, forgotten
bones of unchew-ed material,
rendered unidentifiable by time
and the consequences
of improper scrapbooking.

Time has lost its identity
and persons no longer care
about the era of happenings.

Edges fade in the total room
of all things attic-bound.
Behind the curtains of civilization
how the peopling of these
selves somehow happened
in conjunction with planetary
transits and their unmistakeable North Nodes
plastered to fate of the Earth, Moon, and Sun.

The bittersweet musk of unrequited love
descends like light rain
while the sound of a passionate banjo
breaks the air
and movement steps
to kick up some dust in order
to go forward.

Dust, falling like un-trained rain,
just scatters…

What’s left are the new
finger prints of recent visits
and the markings
of an explorer who has
left the continent of
the outside world
to traverse again the terrain
of his unkept inner chambers.

A rich collection
of untouched photographs
and other stains of memories
Layers of interpretation gone
missing. The witnesses
dissolved into their own stories.

Now with the lantern beside her,

The Lady of Shalott who is only
“Half-Sick of Shadows” returns
For she knows
there’s more area under the dark of the sun
than in all the light in the universe of awareness.

And holy ghosts visit
among the dead as much as the living
Marking each traveler as
a historical vagrant, an elusive shutterfly

One who becomes the reluctant
commentary of classical books
Lives on the island of the misfits

Here’s where all the fires are still
lit, and the inhabitants are most
unapologetic for their long dark shadowy arts.

Welcome back to the tower my dear!
May it enchant you with all the surprises and
remembrances of its forgotten inhabitants.