Her Open Glow

When first I met her
I needed a relationship
that wouldn’t pursue me,
in the usual way.

I needed an intimacy
that moved with me,
as I moved.


She will not lead you
to still waters, nor even ask you
to take a drink. she doesn’t even
care if you pursue her.

She just loves.

She met me under a tree,
when I called to her, I saw
that she was the tree.


She doesn’t demand commitment,
nor sacrifice,
she but notices it, and gently
encourages me to
keep pacing myself.

keep finding ways to be gentle with you, she says.

She shows me how to love myself,
in this way.

I met her when,
I needed her voice to be the
gentlest, clearest, cut-through-the-bullshit,


she doesn’t define a gender.

she isn’t gonna hurt your heart,
to teach you a lesson.

you weren’t born for that.

she says, “oh honey, life just is,
love as much as you can”

Eve & Morn Meditations

death and Life are bookends
they hold the fort of knowledge
and destroy it, too.

fires light in the night
for courage and honest company
let us be real,

about our joy.

even though i am sad, I will not
lie, nor hide my joy. Those tears occupy
the same space.

Ka Malana©2017

Two videos for your thoughts, and a passage on “suffering” from How Can I Help? Stories and Reflections on Service, compiled by Ram Dass & Paul Gorman. My heart and thoughts go out to friends who have recently said goodbye to their loved ones who have in some way inspired and provided courage along the way.

Pillars of successful leaders, the knowledge that there is someone by our side.

This is a really good video about “What it is like, to be awake.” My favorite line from Adyashanti is “it’s never anything like you thought it would be…” Also, at 29 min in – “we reserve our greatest acts of ‘stupidity’ for *after* we’ve glimpsed the truth…” Adyhashanti says something like this: we never know whether or not we are embracing enlightment or carrying a bagel in bag with coffee in our hand. The truth is, we just don’t know. I personally ‘like’ the idea that we are doing one in the same: coffee, bagel + ultimate reality. 🙂  What do you think? Can you see any parallels in these two videos? What about the text below?

**I had not intended to post daily, but this is what I need from me right now. I hope you can benefit from this, too!!! These sharings are like the metabolites from my own work.

Being a long-term patient gives you a unique perspective on the world, and I have to laugh, although sometimes I must say it’s a little bittersweet.

Naturally, I’m seen as helpless. They have to lift me, move me, deal with my bowels and all. I don’t look very nice or smell very nice, I suppose. What I often see coming in the room is what you might call Central Casting for “General Hospital.”

Here comes Miss Aren’t-You-Looking-Better-Today. Which is funny to me, since it’s pretty clear I’m only barely holding my own. Enter stage left we have Nurse Wince. It’s hard for her to look at me. She’s afraid for her own mother, that’s she’ll end up like me. The doctors stride in; they should play “Pomp and Circumstance” over the PA system regularly. They’re examining my case. They find my case interesting. My visitors…. they usually fall into the soap opera too. And so do I, I suppose.

On it goes. You’d be surprised at the number of people who talk to you and can’t look you in the eye, even more than we normally can’t look each other in the eye. It’s like a parade of attitudes in here.

It’s funny; I laugh. I understand, I really do. I’m not a pretty picture. Their work is hard. But sometimes I just want to cry out, “Hello! Is anybody there? Hello? Hello?”


you are an instrument, she said,
and self-correcting,
and self-regulating.

isn’t it neat how you get to
play differently
every day?

yes, some of this is painful,
but there’s a lot of joy, too.

there’s enough room in this
world for you, my dear.

you are allowed to exist.

don’t let anyone tell you
that you’re not an instrument,
that you are not beautifully
made of all the
sounds and all the colors,

and what you do here,

it matters.
it matters.

New Moon in Capricorn on New Year’s Day: Constructing the New Earth

Re-Blog; As I work to integrate 2013 with the present day – many things from 2014 are coming up. This post which I had titled, “Constructing the New Earth,” is appropriate now as much as it was then. We are still in the web of these larger patterns that are happening, Pluto has been in Capricorn since 2008 and will be until 2024. Wishing everyone a lovely Sunday.

I’m re-weaving in my own life, drawing as I study. It’s a lot of fun! In the past, I had disciplined myself from drawing so that I could focus fully on the subject that I was studying. Now, and with more research, there’s been more kindness surrounding how we do things. I’m bringing it all back in 🙂 at my own pace 🙂 I love the work that I do, every day! My new English mantra has been “a little bit at a time.” Turtle energy 🙂 Earth energy. Reconstructing the New Earth from within. This morning’s meditation session was uniquely plentiful. Happy Sunday everyone!

Fiesta Estrellas


“The pottery wheel is symbolic of what he builds his ambitions on. When he feeds it a lot (“colossal” amounts) of clay, he is being ambitious.” Image and quote from Aesop Rock Lyrics page @ rapgenius.com

As I look forward to this New Year 2014, I know I am not alone. I know that there’s this whole blogging universe of conscientious people.  As I read many blogs in the blog-o-sphere, I begin to notice that I can relate to a lot of writers in ways I hadn’t even realized. It’s true; I feel most connected with those who are on a spiritual journey, especially in the context of many lifetimes, serving humanity from places of much personal and spiritual exploration.

I feel SO connected to all these beautiful-hearted people, who just like me, are sharing a bit of their experience, knowledge, and inspiration!  I see some really beautiful things happening…

View original post 689 more words

working it out

science has this passion

to discover,
or re-discover

it depends

on who is looking,
what is personified.


when being the butterfly
(or chuang tzu?),

feeling the metal pin slice
through dried wings,

and the suffocation of

that is, having to be a ‘thing’

as on a shelf, labeled, glassed,

found a niche,
now perform well…

if you are a butterfly under glass,
then play dead.

takes the fun and the
joy out of the science of

discovery, out of the
playtime of role-play

and temporary assignments,

exploration, even quantum theory.

we all know nightingales
like to be free, as do

butterflies and whispers

poems don’t love

to be scrutinized nor analyzed
for their psychic material

poems are more like butterflies

than psyches, more like butterflies
than like freud

than like rorschach,

than like LSD.

a poem is not an neurotransmitter,
nor a stimulated receptor, nor the electrical stimulus,
nor calcium

but it can affect you.
social media affects dopamine,
like crazy!

check your ventromedial prefrontal cortex

maybe a non-sequitur, but all things
have namable parts that don’t add up
always, but are still whole processes,
like healing
rarely makes any sense,

albeit the words are happening

thick, fluid, magical,



symbols have not 1:1
more like 1: ad infinitum

we, who need to be free
take our freedom

in the moments of our breath,
use dashes, and make dashes,
or take our time,
on purpose.

find truth in
chuang tzu, in

freud, even, if necessary…

poetry as word
isn’t fake, nor outrightly
it doesn’t have to be beautiful!

not all poems want to be
delivered with song

but you can see an internal

even a trapped butterfly

may effect chaos theory
for theories are more easily

affected than are

the winds, with the momentum
of, say, a hurricane numbered 5.

my prayers were heard,
even when i didn’t pray

the way, i was expected to, with
the authorized format, given to me

by those who would punish me,

by those who would punish anybody,
by those who do not know self-love.

chuang tzu is not my god/goddess,
i reject capital letters right now
except for this one,

Process –

but even so, i yearn for another
language, to facilitate this meaning

This poem was written in the attempt to recover the creative adolescent
archetype, when expression was honestly exploring and feeling like the systems of the world were restraining forces, rather than assisting and engendering forces, a great questioning. It’s about being awkward, and being as a poem at the same time. When poetry didn’t have to be about rhyme or song, tradition – nor be didactic in any way. When poetry was about experimentation and “finding oneself” in the world. When poetry was about the journey and not the destination.

Also, this is integration work, and not meant to be viewed as a polished piece, final product, or current commentary. This is art-in-action.

Finally, once I found a coffee-shop, where at the readings, the host’s poetry sounded surrealist/da-da, and I felt like I fit in there at times.

be gentle


while connecting with nature,
the human wanders in, through the
eye on the stone.

goddess hasn’t spoken with
feathers in a whiles,
she prefers the nudges
to strong declarations,
the gentle tears,

to the deluge.

her anger need not be so wrathful,
her transformation not so ultimate.

there are gentle ways to call in
changes, and changes do not need to be
dramatic, nor colorful, to be effective.

let the subtle speak more today.

Navratri: Celebrations for the Goddess

Yesterday was the first day of the Navratri.

Artist 🎨 unknown
A stylized Pinterest version of another painting which can be found at the link here.

See Source for my original Navratri post.

Source: Navratri: Celebrations for the Goddess

More information:

The first set of nights are spent meditating upon the Divine Feminine in her powerful and destructive aspect known as Durga or Kali. We ask the goddess to help us identify and eliminate those aspects of our self that are not helpful, skillful, or productive, such as greed, envy, procrastination, laziness, lying, gossiping, etc. We also ask her to protect our spiritual practice from its many dangers and pitfalls.

The second set of nights are spent meditating upon the Divine Mother in her spiritual wealth-giving aspect know as Lakshmi. We ask the goddess to help us develop and maintain helpful qualities, such as patience, forgiveness, compassion, loving-kindness, and integrity.

The third set of nights are spent meditating upon the Divine Feminine in her spiritual wisdom-bestowing aspect known as Sarasvati. We ask the goddess to help us to achieve self-realization and understand universal truths such as our divine nature and the interconnectedness of living beings. The tenth day is spent offering gratitude to the Divine Mother and is spent celebrating in a state of sat-chit-ananda or truth-consciousness-bliss.

To Name These Days:

Prayers & Mantras
Chant the mantra “Om Bhavani” (“In the Name of the Divine Mother”) throughout the nine days.

Spiritual Practices
Practice a breathing meditation. As you inhale, say the quality you are trying to cultivate; as you exhale, the quality you are trying to let go of. For example, on the inhale, I might say, “Breathing in Compassion” and on the exhale I might say, “Breathing out Criticism.”

Personal Exporations
Take time each of the nine days or at least once every three days to focus on the three aspects of the divine feminine that are within you and the corresponding spiritual tasks.

Days 1 – 3: Focus on your inner power and strength. Write down the qualities or habits you wish to let go of. Pick one of these and practice letting go of it.

Days 4 – 6: Focus on your inner life-giving force and nurturer. Write down the qualities or habits you wish to cultivate. Pick one of these and practice incorporating it.

Days 7 – 9: Focus on your inner wisdom and guide. Write down the spiritual teachings you wish to learn or better understand. Pick one and read an inspiring book or article about it.

Written by Ami Bhalodkar

Guided Meditation, Vipassana Tradition

This moment came up thanks to one of my newer blogger friends. There’s a lot of continuity building in my life, and I was able to facilitate the meditation this morning, again. Comments are fine and lovely – it’s always amazing what a ‘like’ can do: let’s someone know you are reading and just being present and listening 🙂 Thank you, you know who you are 🙂

Fiesta Estrellas

Hello friends, new friends & visitors!

Last week I led the meditation for our Clinical Counseling class. I received some good feedback.

Today, I thought about adapting the script and posting it here. From what I understand, this is from the Vipassana tradition.

Here’s a good description of Vipassana

“To focus impartial attention on the present moment is the hallmark of vipassana. There is awareness and acceptance of whatever is occurring in the immediate now, without judging or adding to it. We see things as they actually are, free of subjective associations. Systematic vipassana practice eventually eliminates the cause of mental and physical pain, purifies the mind, and results in a stable happiness that isn’t affected by moods or outward circumstances.

Vipassana meditation comes from the tradition of Theravada Buddhism. (The Theravada school is based on a group of texts called the “Pali canon,” which is widely regarded as the…

View original post 457 more words

A peacock at a park, happiness, and my mom

Fiesta Estrellas

photo 2(1)

I saw a beautiful peacock on Friday.

It is also my beautiful mother’s birthday today – I am honored to be her daughter. I am grateful that she brought me into this life to learn, and to develop; in all honesty, she always encouraged me to be myself. She wanted me to become whatever it is that I wanted to become–nevertheless–I always still wanted to please her, and everyone. I thought by making other people happy, it would make me happy -maybe because this often does work out that way.

I also learned it’s much easier now. When I’m happy, other people are happy because they love me, too. They can share it with me. This was a big lesson for me. I can be bright, and it doesn’t ‘make’ anyone else feel bad or unloved. It’s my choice. It’s their choice to be happy, and to go for…

View original post 346 more words

Benison: Shells are for Growing in.

When we try to “do it all” we grow more, so that we can do more. I’ve spent most of my life outside of my comfort zone. I write publicly, I published a personal book of poetry, which is still available for purchase here. You can buy it, read it, and add your own review. I’ve studied anthropology to learn about different cultures, so that I could make sense of peace and how and why sometimes it doesn’t happen. I’ve traveled to places where I didn’t feel comfortable. I’ve moved a lot, and sometimes into situations that didn’t feel comfortable. I’ve somehow managed to survive discomfort.

Here’s what’s what:

I’m not going to let go of my blog, because I can’t reciprocate by visiting all of your blogs, and showing my interest (even though I am interested!); but in the spirit of the season, I’ve had some sniffles and some aches, and I’m letting go of all of that which does not serve me. I’ve had to miss class for the first time. So, what is happening, is that I’m graduating into a more realistic version of myself – here’s what I can do, and let it be for me, what I can do for me. Because without ‘me,’ I am no good for anybody.

That said, I titled my picture below: “Shells are for Growing In”


I earned my shell, as much as my wings.

Using bibliomancy, I opened up 2 days ago, to this particularly apt passage from my favorite Rumi book, gifted to me from an old friend who “left my current reality” years ago, when he became a Buddhist monk. My friend and I shared a close friendship, and right when he was at the gateway to his “new life,” he turned back to me and said to me in a letter, “Thank you for encouraging me to follow my heart.” Greg L. Those words were the magic words that let me know: I had been doing a good job.

Happy Virgo New Moon- and now for RUMI, before I run off to do many more things, some things just unjoyful busywork, for now:

Dear Readers, collectively, thank you for encouraging me to follow my heart.

Without further ado, words from the ever popular and magnificent Rumi:


A human being being human, out of breath,
burns the strangers to ash,
and breathes deeper.

Completely gone, the new moon
is able then to become the new moon.

Autumn anger turns wistful in early spring.
Language-headaches smoothe their brows.

Let the military hero fight barehanded
with lions and elephants.

When you drift up, remember: Fold in on yourself
as clouds do to open downward
their water bags of rain.