Happiness snuck up and said “boo.”

You know, we can ask for it-
and beg and plead,
but sometimes,
happiness wants to play
tag, and sometimes,

“you’re about to be ‘it,‘”

(and you don’t
even know it,)

until your eating your
granola snack behind
your favorite tree
at your
cousin’s house,

on a wicked hot
summer afternoon,
slurping up your
favorite, grape drink,

only to get startled a little bit
when happiness sneaks up,
tosses out a

💦 water balloon 🎈and says,

“bet you can’t catch me!”

and before you know it,

you’re it,’ 🏃

again.

Ka Malana c. 2019

Tricky Life Path

I’ve been fighting off a borderline fever for the past couple of days. Rarely do I write about my hardship publicly; mostly because I believe I have really good fortune, and don’t feel like I have legitimacy to complain. Complaining has been drilled into me as a bad thing. Venting is okay in small amounts, certainly don’t want to turn people away from us. So many of us tire from our own suffering, we tire of sharing it.

One of the reasons why I created Fiestaestrellas (including the astrology bit) was to celebrate all the good. So I could make it bigger in my life, and stronger than what gets me down.

That’s the truth, and yet, people are at a distance and we feel stifled when our reality is not accurately portrayed. Then we just go on and on sharing, and attempting to balance and express until it’s so obvious it’s beyond words and maybe we relax into it a bit more.

I’ve had a lot of joy lately. (Jupiter transits have always given me a mixed bag of plenty).

But it has come with a decent amount of hardship.

A couple of weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Despite getting a midwife and trying to be very natural about our birth –none of that part of my desire was met. I signed up for all the classes, but in the end, I had a very long labor– over 48 hrs, followed by 5 hours of unproductive “pushing,” only to result in a C-section. This all came after a mostly wonderful pregnancy (I had prepared for the worst and hoped for the best).

Then before my water broke at week 37 and 6 days, I got sick for two weeks with a very persistent cold and a fever and tremendous head congestion, only to barely clear it in time for my water to break and to have a very long and arduous labor. Though there were moments of shamanic ceremony, and moments where I pushed and smiled, and claimed my power. There were “fleeting” moments among all those hours where I was in charge. This is something that I learned to do, and I applied it as best I could.

I DID give birth to a great love in my life, my daughter. I will not be sharing photos of her online because I consider our images to be private, especially hers. I did toy around with sharing an image of her that doesn’t have her face or any identifying features, and maybe that photo will come out and play one day.

The life path? I don’t know. I was on the road to finishing my degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and becoming a licensed acupuncturist (just two more semesters and board exams). However, I got pregnant, and here I am, falling behind on that goal, feeling tragically remote from it, unable to appreciate all those other years of HARD work, that got me through each step. Forgetting so much of what I’ve learned and wondering if I even could pick it back up. Also I play among many paradigms and I am not the typical “alternative medicine” person. At all. I’m actually pretty conventional. At least I’ve become (aware that I am) that way while in school.

Do I want to return to school? I receive all the emails and see how the field is growing in leaps and bounds. Acupuncture can do a lot of good. Yet, I am not able to rise up and meet all the plans I had. I am just barely able to rise up to breastfeed — which is easily its own private story. I’m not even sure about my inspiration for finishing my degree.

Right now I am just so very grateful for the osteopathic physician who delivered my baby, for Western and modern medicine, and for people with open minds who are able to read and enjoy my life’s circuitous and often convoluted story, without judgement or agenda. Realize that it will all change.

I am also struggling. Every day.

Do I have joy? Absolutely I do. More joy than I’ve ever had.

Why do I have a blog? Why share this public ally? Why didn’t I wait to “get clear” before writing, and really “process” it?

I really cannot answer those questions. I want my world to be private, but there’s this small chance that maybe something I write lifts someone else up, they are less alone. Maybe that’s it… maybe that’s all of it. I hope that the people who need to read this, find me and do.

So there’s my joy *and* my sorrow.

I will return to focusing on the joys as best I can, and resolve this current challenge, while I keep meeting challenge after challenge, one by one, and posting my own style of poetry when the mood strikes me.

Dance with your spouse in the kitchen

Because you can,

even if you don’t feel good —

The music comes on

And the hips sway,

And suddenly you both –

Own the world,

The scenery,

The stage,

The quiet.

The floor tiles,

The cabinets,

the spot-lighting

flexible frames

glide through

your home’s simple space.

The food’s right there,

You can dance all night

And dance all day —

Because you can.

The kitchen sink,

The food in the microwave,

waiting –

The perfect time to be

with your best friend. is.

Anytime.

The winds of change

the winds of change
have come again
and made me pure,

carved out my treasure,
opened my womb

I became a ritual
inside a ritual,

on a stage, that is set in another world

transforming this world.

in transcendance, the nesting

dance

the nested

the total egg 🥚 unbroken, broke

And emerged the circle ⭕️

I speak of bliss
in the opening of this circle,
merging and joining

of the past,
present, and future

my life just created another life🌸!

ka Malana poetry c2019

Rise my soul

from its depth in
unseen waters
the angelic dark-deep
unearthed mountain
rumbling, readying
lifting

from first quiet
of the poet’s
underground fountain,
as it bubbles and readies
under the surface,
undulating slowly
in layers

the water pools, preparing

to siphon up
a new spring
a sprite of light
the sparkle of its diamond

from the thrust of earth
made to divide and
liberate new soil,

opening
astonishly, unpredictably
unapologetically, sparklingly
fresh

rise my soul
to the heaven you
made me,
and from where
i make you,
anew.

go beyond!

know no bounds
in your great escape!

Ka Malana poetry c2019

************** * ************* *

Happy Full Moon in Scorpio

A shooting free world

there’s a request I heard
the angels put in.
they said with tears in their eyes!

do not injure my people!

if you are feeling lost and afraid,
take my sword, and march into battle
fearlessly with your essence of peace.

this sword is a gift to use with the clarity of your heart,
and the eons of wisdom acquired by your
soul.

be not afraid ~

for all this destruction cannot last
without creating better, more solid, and
more loving worlds. See the light is returning, it is.

I will keep showing you.

for every destruction, crushing heartbreak,

grows the strength of new life.

Youth has become abstract

once when youth was in my blood
it pumped without observation
or goals

there was no rationing and saving
vigor for the reality of what
a “whole day” meant

talents showed up, and were always
unexpected, because years of hard work, attempts, were never behind them.

freedom meant overcoming the restrictions of parents, time-schedules, the expectations of others

not some quest for the dream of
what misinformed enlightenment offers: freedom from pain, suffering,
facing the self-imposed habitual mindset, only to

once again – liberate!

real enlightment, some promise we believe in, and strive towards, as we
grow softer and more supple.

but, there is a new kind of youth,
one less abstract, and gaseous,
nebulously unbounded.

there is youth in a form,
that has grown into a work of art –
still admittedly malleable while alive, while alive, always vibrant.

softer, more tender, more unbreakable

this new youth is form, built of the combination of vision and visionlessness.

it says, “I am aware that I exist,”
this awareness has the force of
water, the power to move mountains, the ability to perceive, to be a mountain, if it wills.

youth is not wasted on the young,
because it is truly what we grow into, if we allow it to happen.

ka malana c2019

Give peace a chance

 

Changing states,
inevitable flow,

no one can stop the
rain, push the river,
or force the sun behind a cloud.

Each day is delicate and fresh
with so much possibility for you
if you invite it,

if you live the invitation.

What would you like to invite into your life?

and what would you like to ask gently to leave?

breathing in, and breathing out,
enjoying the permanent state
that doesn’t come or go, but is always
ready, present and willing.

unafraid to stand alone

In this life,
we might be terrified.

we might feel alone,
though we are not.

we must work every day
to give ourselves enough space,

to be who we are. however we are,

“dark” or “light” or the huge gamut spanning between

even if not one single person
feels that what we offer is valuable,
important, or worthy.

we are worthy. this is inherent.

each and every one of us,
and we don’t need any proof of our
worthiness.

this is not a poem,
but a message.

do not give up.
you are making a contribution,

every. day.

Can creativity confound clarity?

Two of my favorite “C” concepts are creativity and clarity; and yet, I haven’t found these aspects of language and expression to always be in cahoots.

I want them to be.

Often it seems that creativity is a word applied when someone comes up with something interesting and “novel” but isn’t quite “ready” for others to be exposed to yet. “It’s creative” can be similar to saying, “it’s confusing.”

Somehow it appears that creativity has to be vetted by clarity. All the while, however, clarity does not need to be “truth,” but it needs to be, perhaps, “digestible,” “recognizable” and “receivable” to others. Some may, in my opinion, confound clarity with truth.

How can creativity be more clarifying? Well, it certainly works with analogies. Analogies help people recognize and “experience” information in a format that is receivable.

Creativity can be frustrating, because it’s often “divinely” inspired; yet, that doesn’t mean that others will receive it, so there’s an interpretation or conversion period, the editing process that makes the creativity more “clear,” readable.

Oftentimes I enjoy the original and raw form of art, but this is rarely popular. Most folks have to have an art education to “believe” that they understand art or context. It’s confusing to me because I grew up with art and contemplating art, and then received “some” education in both art-making and interpreting, and memorizing and writing about art.

But this isn’t art, to me.

To me, and maybe you?, Art is raw, art is unformed-becoming-formed. Art involves risk.

Art is process and not product.

And yet. Societally, we reinforce “polishing” and “perfecting” creativity as though it is more true, when maybe it is clearer. I do not see clarity as being equal with truth.

What are your thoughts?

My unborn love

she grows and glows inside me
like a beacon of possibility

her magic is rare
and stronger than any force
ive ever known

tiny bones and muscles
gain strength and potential
energy,

she exercises,

in all the ways she exercises,

and I’m beyond,
most days
able

to match my feelings with words
or write what wonder
is happening

anywhere, the space of my womb
it is happening, communicating
as a mini sub-station,
surreal connection
between worlds
engaging,
interfacing,
touching beyond the veil

she is becoming more
real
every day
essentially me,
and differentiating

and I Dream most now of her voice
as I hear it begin to emerge
as I’m given glimpses ahead

my heart guides us
to our communion day

Poetry rights 2019 Ka Malana

For those who have left…

When you came here to be with my friends,
they loved you so much. I feel my friends’ tears hit my sleeves
on my shoulder, and touch my neck.

as I know 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 … of you have recently lost a VIP

For those who have left, we know that you have found
peace and happiness, in your abode elsewhere, and even while we
can connect with you again when all is ready,
it takes us time to adjust to dimensional
shifts of your body being a different kind of body now.

My friends have loved you in ways you will never know,
or have not yet known while you were in a body,
and your impact has made a mark on them in ways they will
always think of. To say that you are remembered, is an understatement,
and yet it’s true. They walk beside you as you walk beside them.

I’m sorry that you left so early, as for each one of you, we all could have
had more time with you.

May you rest in peace.

Ramblings on Astrology, Access Consciousness, Shamanism, “Remote Viewing” and manipulation

For the last several years, though I’ve been an astrology student, and an astrologer, for many many years, I’ve attended numerous workshops and have been read by many others who are well-recognized in the field. I have had access to very successful people.

However, it was in my 20s, now I am almost 40, that I really had made the most progress with my astrology (even though I was at it in my early teens and before with the early software discovery). I had read nearly every friend who I would meet and who was in my life, all relationships, and I desperately needed to help myself through life with astrology. I couldn’t believe how with such little knowledge I had at the time, I was able to tap into the depths of people’s lives, and also! I learned about their charts through their examples, their relationships. Learning through reading is the best way to learn!

Back to me about me:

Astrology gave me the insight that no one else could. It was empowering. It was a true necessity in my life as my reflective mandala. At that time in my late teens and early twenties, I didn’t have anyone else read me, I was a lone wolf in the operation, and that gave me the sense and freedom I needed to really build my intuition, and turn to myself for support. I had built an alliance with myself, and quite often, with all of today’s supports, I sometimes worry I have lost it, but it’s really being remade.

There was so much grit to my life of barely getting by, as was my old daily reality. Things are different now, but I still have my daily work.

Last weekend, I became an Access Consciousness Bars Practitioner, and I have been loving it ever since, it’s a superb tool for releasing and limitations and asking open-ended questions, and that’s just still scratching the surface, at best.

Do I still have doubt? Absolutely. Does this stop me anymore? Not really. Do I still have tremendous resistance? Yes, And! It doesn’t matter. I can have my resistance and eat my cake too.

Last night, I had an incredible journey for a client where we did extraction. I’ve been studying for several years as a Shamanic practitioner. I was not in the mood to journey.

Many aspects of my own inner structures have been crumbling away. I didn’t feel “up to it,” but wouldn’t you know, the second I began the journey, her guide opted in, and led the entire way forward! Only for me to realize afterwards in the discussion we had that indeed this was her guide, as verified by information she gave me.

I had recently started reading “Miracles of Mind,” by Russell Targ and Jane Katra, who were part of the “Remote Viewing” governmental researchers into the 70s but also well into the 1990s. I am still in disbelief as I read. I’m not a person who has had a lot of mystical experiences in my life. My friends used to tell me that I helped them, but I always thought I’d take the path of a traditional therapist, though I never did, I opted for anthropology instead. That was awhile ago, and that trail, well, it’s mostly dried up too. Lest it be revived one day for some purpose unknown to me now.

I’m very aware that I do not like manipulators, which is why I took astrology into my own hands at a young age. When I work with people I am so super cautious about telling them what I believe about them (about what Spirit has shown me) and it requires a tremendous nudge from the universe to get me to “move” on a lot of things. I see so many people “telling other people how it is” and the reality is that each person is entitled their own empowerment even if they try to “give it over to you,” you must give it back to them at every moment.

Even to this day, with the zillion mentors and teachers I have in this life, I am still very observant of my own volition and intuition. Sometimes it can be very discouraging when we go and pay for services only to have people give us the “wrong information.” This is why I have shied away from so many people who approach me and I will continue to do so, unless I am certain that they know that “receiving” is something that is in our own hands – even grace makes its way into our corner of the cosmos.

You don’t have to be popular to be deemed authentic, as it appears in our social media world. No matter how many reviews you have and how many people back “your identity” it doesn’t mean that you are going to be the “right” person. I have found myself seeking those quiet people in the corner, those quiet people who seem very contended with their quiet lives, those are the ones who seem to have answers that resonate with me, should I need them to be delivered though another medium as infinite there are of ways for the divine or even the mundane to speak to us, and get the balling rolling, the life blood moving, the eyes open.

Thank you for listening, I mean, really listening.

Taste of freedom

Ever wanted your freedom so much
that you can remember the taste of it
on your tongue,
you can remember how wide-open
your day began, when you opened your eyes?

and everything was possible in the moment
you winked your eyes open?

What if everything that you choose keeps
bringing you to more and more choices which are surprisingly showing you your developing ideal, even before you’ve formed it in your mind?

and as you create your world, your vision
becomes so fluid and full of potential that you can’t hold anything other than
your best dreams in your mind’s eye?

There’s simply only space for what is possible.

And, what if anything is possible?
those sparks you see forming in the corner of your eye is your next inspiration, on a platter, just saying “choose me,” “choose you,” “choose all of you.”

Astrology for fun:
Sun and Uranus conjoined in Taurus
Chiron and Venus (& Mercury) in Aries conjoined,
Moon and Rx Jupiter cojoined in Sagittarius
interpret whatever you like as you’d like,
and realize you can choose at any time to “let go” and “choose” again.
your best choice is always arising