You CAN HEAL your disc herniation without surgery or steroids! — My healing journey

This is my healing journey. These were the words that I wrote in 2014. I don’t have a lot of time to write right now. This isn’t getting the special treatment that it deserves, but my child needs me so I can’t write for very long. I also need to get this out there. To take the next step.

At this point, it has been 7 years. My disc herniated on July 21, 2012. It was my own personal “2012,” 6 months before the Mayan date. It was the end of an old life that was just turning out to be brilliant. And, guess, what, it still is!

However, for me it got re-injured several times, including after I wrote this post below. Re-injuries corresponded to painful times and joyful times, but the re-injuries were definite periods of debilitation. For example, in December of 2012, my back re-injured after my husband and I took a trip to San Francisco to see the Nutcracker. We had so much fun and it was a triumph after months of severe pain and the inability to do much of anything at all – I mean, really. The capacity that I had before the disc injury to afterwards was like “night” and “day.”

I walked a little bit more than I normally did after the Nutcracker, after the injury. Yes, I was in pain the entire time, but it wasn’t debilitating type – it was the “getting better type” and sometimes I didn’t feel any pain AT ALL until the re-injury.

Another time, my disc re-injured when there was a shooting of police officers while I was driving in my car to my college chemistry class, but I was stuck in the car on the traffic-jammed highway for over an hour, due to the shooting.

Finally it re-injured in 2014 after I was on the way home to California, after visiting with my family on the East Coast. I was just telling my husband, “I feel pretty.” We were just beginning to dance together again.

So here I am. I am now healed even more. I had no “re-injuries since 2014” but some week-long episodes of back pain. Back then I was trying very hard to stay positive. Back then doctors would say, “20% never recover” from the disc injury. Well, I wasn’t going to fall into that category. I was determined!

Even though I crawled on airport carpets in pain – had to toss my ice pack because of airport security wouldn’t allow me to have it on the plane. Even though I was on hooked up to my e-stim continuously and had to make flight modifications to try to lay on my side. Even though I once had to lay down on a concrete sidewalk for a few minutes on the way to a massage session because the pain was so bad that it brought me down to the ground in the light of day. I still had an amazing 7 years! I got married, for one, to the most patient man on the planet. I traveled and accommodated and moved through each and every challenge. I enrolled in a graduate program in Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture, and I wrote a blog about poetry and astrology and barely talked about my difficulties!

Fast forward to now:

This year, I had my baby. During my whole pregnancy, I only had one event of back pain and it was over Thanksgiving 2018. It was in the beginning of my pregnancy and I overcame it (the worst was the fear of it getting worse) – but as my body grew, my pain did not increase. I was even able to do prenatal yoga and resume positions that my body loved so much before the disc herniation, like downward dog and so many other flexion poses – without fear! Did I use yoga to heal myself? Yes! Did I use acupuncture to heal myself? Yes! Did I try absolutely everything, machine and contraption – just about! I tried it.

What really helped me long term: Acupuncture & energy work & exercise & staying as positive as possible. TIME.

When I was deciding with my surgeon whether or not to get surgery, back in 2012, the outcomes from 7 years with conservative treatment vs. surgery were the same. So, here I am: 7 years later – no surgery – all my discs are intact. No discectomy which could have further destabilized my spinal column leading to a fusion, etc, etc. No rods in my back.

I can go to the gym about 3 times a week now, and the walking problem (the walking I couldn’t do – that’s definitely in the past). I’ve been walking. I have been walking for years, again.

I rehabilitated, and in many ways – my inner health is much, much better. One day I might offer more details about my story. But for now, know that if you’ve had a chronic problem for a few years: you don’t have to suffer forever, you can come to the end of the suffering! You can follow the path to the positive outcome!

Also know, that you can renegotiate your relationship with pain, and still create wonderful memories in the midst of some of your worst! I certainly did.

After all, this is part of my journey of “Awakening.”

Of all the blogs I ever wrote. I hope this one gets read the most.

Hey Listen up! I’m here because I got better, and while I was struggling, and for so long (a little over a year), I spent a lot of time looking for hope online. I was reaching for anyone that had had a similar experience, or who had suffered something horrible, and overcame it. My L5/S1 […]

via You CAN HEAL your disc herniation without surgery or steroids! — My healing journey


a placid smile
flows like a lake
calm-drawn for
a mile

across the buddha’s
where no wrinkles made,
he is,
full of Tao

no thoughts to rouse


from spirit’s house 🏡


Above Visual and poetry c. Ka Malana 2019


Image for Cheer Peppers 🌶 Nano Poblano 2019

Sharing Cheer Pepper contributor Janelle @ Breaking where she goes “Operation Full Circle” back to New Zealand after her journey of healing her broken heart.

That full moon was craze balls!


Finally feeling lighter! Wowsers! I’ve been nearly knocked off my feet since the Mercury station retrograde at the end of October culminating into the full moon yesterday. I feel like all the trines and sextiles (aspects) in the chart were just leading and directing more energy into the healing and clearing process, facilitating that “something bigger’ we are all working on. But when I am “in it” that’s my work – that’s what I do in order to maintain. Pardon the interruption, I will resume reading your blogs and commenting and sharing on twitter, as always, as I am able to.

For those of you who had a very calm and even comfortably lazy Taurus Full Moon – I am very happy for you! We all deserve it! Thanks for letting us experience it through you! 

My paradigms have been shifting so much in the past several years ((and many of them just being blown away)) and they haven’t exactly settled into languagable – yes I made up that word – spaces, so I can barely write, even though I have been doing it! Writing to me is a process that feels like a crystalizing, so it’s not always my preferred medium; albeit it is magical in it’s own ability to manifest. I am posting and I’m doing that regularly (and for Nano Poblano) in order to continue to try to develop my language skills. When I started this blog I hadn’t even considered “becoming” a writer, because I’ve never been very good at writing prompts and “writing on demand.” I just wanted to share astrology. Then I remembered I loved poetry, too. Then I worked at it, and with help, I published my first poetry book. Since then I’ve written a lot more. So the cycle continues with more momentum. Also, I used to do photography but haven’t been doing that for a couple of years now, either. Crossing fingers to squeeze that in with more ease and grace.

Dear readers thank you so much for being great readers! Thank you for being yourselves and blogging along side, in the development rooms, in the presentation rooms, in the brainstorming clouds – I hope to be able to return to the November writing month celebration’s programming: Nano Poblano, but I have had to attend to rapid developing processes at home (little sweet baby) and within (keeping the fort down), as well as those finals are coming around again.
I’m so nervous about next term and being away from my daughter just a little bit more. So far, I’ve been able to balance being in “two places” at once, but being back in the clinic will require more of me and I think i CAN DO it! At least today I do. Feel free to cheer me on – I’d like to graduate by the end of 2020.

Also nursing her and being very close to her as much as possible! I don’t want to miss any of her! ❤ We CAN DO this together! She’s already helping me brush the dust off my guitar more often. She’s enjoyed my shamanic drum, and my Djembe… etc., and she really just enjoys anything on her good days 🙂

******************************Poem interlude*******************************

When you are lost
and all the things you see
have cost

when you lose the
hope for inspiration
and all you get is

when deep in your soul
the flavor of umami is
taking a: “getting
used to this.”

your hot cuppa fate
and open breath
ability to satiate
into the autumn death

a new warmth grows
and gives hope in
the throes
of the open air.

*************************CHECK out These Cheer Peppers**********************

Link to all bloggers with Nano Poblano

Special blogger Nano Poblano discovery and shout out goes to
Loving the poetry and imagery of perspective! Your post today was great and I really liked your ones recently about the cosmos and our place in it, and the ants 🐜!2019

.clean up poem.

help, my email
is a mess-
i know i’m not the only one
about to run…
outta space!

the window sill is
now clean,
where’s the will to
dive into my google drive
and organize IT
on the fly?

help, my cookies clog
up my wordpress
and Press won’t let me
“like” others’ blogs!
Blog – agog

help, my WordPress is
not helping me manage
my communications. It’s only
showing me half of the
com ments, or none.

the other half is
cluttered in email

as for my house? not bad.

my friend is coming to get
the lamp, the extra diapers
went to the baby named
Daenerys – Queen of Dragons.

my creative spaces
can’t hold half-worked projects
help! I want to make more,
but where do i put it?
it’s a chore!

my office has moved into the closet
now my closet needs more closets.

I was trying something new here. Please don’t be upset if it wasn’t a real poem, or any good at all. Whenever I write, it makes it better. I think putting anything down in writing helps (at least it’s not an extra piece of paper to file!!!) I think being silly helps.

This is a contribution to Cheer Peppers Nano Poblano 2019. For more contributions go here.


.doodles i dug up.

I’m a lover of line
the gloss-on atop paper
the tip of choice
pen, pencil, or dirt
paint, sculpt, hands
to clay

I’m a lover of line
and form and a
wandering curiosity


allows the page to just
do justice to itself
without the presence of
any mind.

I am a lover of line
of lyrics and liquid
of flowing and flown

drip-drop, the medium moves
across dimensions
from visions,

bop hop, clop,
if it’s a flop,
who cares…

This is part of my contribution for Cheer Peppers 🌶 Nano Poblano. Click for more contributions from other peppers.


at some point in my life, I stopped doodling. I hope it comes back 😃

gnarly, sausage tree, lizard 🦎


Textures of life lived:



It’s important for me to remember to “do” one day at a time. I have tools that help me look into the future but that is, at best, not always to be used. This is important. I’ve grown accustomed to learning how to do many different things and regularly shift my focus. But as my energy has gone out a lot recently, I’m starting to draw it back again, bring it back into focus for the winter. I enjoyed my short break to wander a little bit. It is reflected from my changing activities in my school schedule, and the working schedule that I make for myself. There’s a lot that I am balancing in a shifting world. Every day the needs of my family are different. The clocks have changed, too. The time to “drawn in” as such, like a deep inward breath has come again. Adjustments are being made to our circadian rhythms here.

Meanwhile, the reality of the upcoming holidays stimulate our appetites and communities with activities and industriousness.

A lizard visited with me yesterday, this was for several minutes. I’m aware that I am to persevere by our visit. Having recently scrubbed out my refrigerator, I’m aware of needing to clean this window sill as well.


A few weeks ago, while getting some of our regular “Vitamin N” outdoors, I captured a glimpse of a unique tree with a plaque that explains it, “Sausage Tree.”



This blog post is a contribution to Cheer Pepper Nano Poblano this year, 2019. If you want to join in and visit the other bloggers, please do you are welcome at any time. Please click the link


Special moment of gratitude: This day and every day I am so grateful for my wonderful husband and partner! 💖


Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

I feel heard 👂 and connected 🤲 🙌🏻 🤙 in the Pepperdom of this November’s Nano Poblano.

Will be visiting folks as often as I can this week, peppering the time of day.

Here’s a reminder for the 21 day Empowerment Meditation at the online Chopra center. If the link doesn’t work, I’ll come back and update it. Each meditation/mantra audio is available for 5 days from the date. Today is Day 2. I listened to Day1 & Day2 back to back because of my free time due to not sleeping while everyone else was.

A Haiku

her eyelashes drew
from my mind’s eye before she
curled up in my arms

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More inspiration needed; and contentment

I didn’t feel like posting yesterday. I could have put in the extra effort at the end of tired day, and got it in at the end of the day, but I thought: I’m not gonna push. I’m okay with non-perfection. Pushing is something I only do when I am inspired. Otherwise, there’s a whole lot of self-love and nurturing that is okay to address, because obviously I need it. I need inspiration. I can only push, when I have love behind me, when I know that I am a being of love, and sometimes that most certainly is in the form of a push. Other times love is “let it go, just stop.” It can be any of these things, or even a combination.

Yesterday was my second day at a conference where I volunteered, and I got to enjoy some Qi Gong the first day. I only made it to one lecture yesterday but I wasn’t stimulated by it, except to start getting involved in martial arts again. Nearly everyone I speak to who is old school and a leader in the field says where you really learn what you need to learn, you learn through martial arts training, or that that’s where they learned, not in school.

While I was visiting the exhibits I had a couple of times where I noticed myself only being spoken to by the vendors based by the “status” of my badge. Actually I didn’t have a badge because I didn’t need it this time. This was the second day and I got a two day pass for volunteering plus a free pass for being a student.

Now I know every field has big shots. That’s fine, I guess, but I’m tired of starting a conversation with someone only to be ignored the second someone that that person considers is more important walks by and engages them. This happens far too much to me. So, being a particular “nobody” we tend to just accept that that person doesn’t want to miss the opportunity to speak to someone special – or as he said, “a pillar in the field,” or at least someone who is a celebrity teacher.


Okay, no problem. Normally I try to focus on what’s good, where connections DO happen, but I’m running out of patience in my 6 year process for things to click in a more meaningful way. The heart of it has gone dry so many times and I’ve never spoken of it until now. I have a no-obligations consultation today with a communications specialist and business coach, and I do hope that it helps. I’m running out of steam, inspiration. What I am experiencing, there’s no way I am the only one – even if only in this context, at any other given point in time, there’s no way I’m alone.

From my perspective, there are tons of practitioner celebrities out there with tons of people who adore them, and supposedly they have great results, but I’m skeptical — and they are all over social media, and I’m just sick of this cult culture. I have no desire to become an expert. I’m sure so many of them are well-earned, or naturally talented/gifted/blessed/and self taught. I’m glad for so many of them and even more-so for the people they help.

Fortunately I was able to spend my time with loved ones and grab some nice photos.

So many years I didn’t speak my mind for fear of being perceived as being negative, and I keep taking responsibility for how I am contributing to my perspective, but I’m tired of the lack of resonance, and I’m calling for more inspiration.

This tiny cactus is alive and does not have a social media account or a social status. I’m a little bit grateful that this cactus’ voice can’t or hasn’t been channeled by someone and turned into a money making machine. Because this cactus IS PRESENCE. It’s not a metaphor. It lives and exists, and that is all.


The irony for me what that I picked up this Dove chocolate at the conference and it said, “Don’t stop until you are proud.” What was perhaps really funny to me was that the foil broke in such a way that it makes it difficult to read. When I was young, my understanding was that pride was bad –  and I think pride was just misunderstood. I think pride is still misunderstood. I want to know what it’s like to have pride. I am opening my investigation into how it’s okay to have pride, and how it’s okay to speak my mind and not care whether or not someone is going to judge me.  There’s this great thing in Access Consciousness from Gary Douglas where he said something like you get $7, 000 for every time you are willing to allow yourself to be judged. I’m curious about that. I’m not curious about the money so much, but also I am. I need to earn a reliable income. I’m curious about what it means to not judge or be judged, or to be judged, and be perfectly alright with it. To be misunderstood, and be perfectly alright with it.


Also when I was out walking and I saw this statue of this mermaid, and I wasn’t sure how exactly she “fit into” my day. There’s something about the way the photograph got taken. I took it, but there was an interesting energetic quality the moment I took it. I”m still trying to understand that. It’s as if there is an unintended rainbow near her face. I like the expression on her face. What does it say?


I think it’s contentment. Yes, contentment.


Please Click for more contributions2019

To love is to grieve

that pit in your stomach
that moment you wake to
each new morning crusty,
to greet that dull emptiness –
memories of laughter, still lingering
but when you try to reach the energy of
it, and saturate yourself within it, it’s
gone silent.

the breath of your friend
on the other side of the phone
fully dissipated

your confidant, has been removed
the first person you think of
the first one with whom
you share anything that
excited you, no matter how silly, bizarre,

the shape of your breakfast,
that small squirrel who winked at you,
and the corner of your room where
that one spirit of your ancestor
resides, and from where they speak
to you at certain hours of the night.

all those human updates,
removed from the planet

By the action of an

Those you love, grieve
for you, because your love
And your tattoos and
the time we spent together is on
your skin,
which has been incinerated

You have now become a Cherry tree,

and you have become one,
with all
who grieve for you.

your best friend and all your friends
continue to collect and congregate in
your name, just to squeeze out more marrow
from the life you lived and shared,

and we will take and treasure those pieces
with each other, and do it over and over
again, as the sun sets over a vision of
your better outcome,

on the other side of our same shore,

in the twilight of your smile.

Please don’t make me explain this poem. I think it doesn’t need anything extra. Mourning is a shared activity, sometimes we carry some of the heaviness of our friends’and our own as well, maybe, they can energetically bear the burden of the love that was lost, because of this poem.


Cheer Peppers 🌶, Mercury retrograde, Nature – Nano Poblano


I signed up to participate in this year’s blogging festivities/group challenge knowing that there’d be a strong possibility I’d be feeling dried up for inspiration by the time I got to this day, having recently overworked myself attempting to accomplish goals, but also surprising myself as well by accomplishing more than I expected I could. It was worth it! So here I go again trying to be a part of things. Usually, I’m trying to catch up with what I signed up for, or watching from the sidelines, wishing I was participating in what “everybody else is doing.” And inspiration is something that I am both always looking for, and trying to share. <—- that’s the key point, I think!

The best part about the Cheer Pepper NanoPoblano goal this year is to spend time visiting and commenting and supporting other blogs and bloggers. It’s built into the intention, and the design. As always with Cheer Peppers, this is not a hard and fast rule, and we are encouraged and we encourage others to do their best, gentle nudges. I believe it’s 10 days of commenting, 10 days of posting, and 10 days of reading other bloggers, or something like that. I need to go back and read the fine print. Feel free to let me know in the comments if I missing something.

The beauty of all this, of course, is to be present, be part of a team, and have some fun! This might be the only blog I post of my own – or there could be 9 more – or why stop there? (I don’t know what tomorrow or the next day will bring) but at least I’d get the word out, and you can click on the image above to see what the other Cheer Peppers are up to, so many of them talented, kind, and with fresh perspectives served, so many of them I don’t know yet!

Today, and for the last few weeks, I’ve been sneezing like crazy but not officially sick, just congested. I’ve had insomnia, and it’s been a rather uniquely difficult Mercury retrograde start for me! I usually respond to Mercury retrograde with becoming more talkative or ‘creative,’ out of the blue, or maybe just more communicative – to my better or worse judgement. In other words, my mind gets busier. Full and New moons often (but not always) have an effect on me too – hence why I began an astrologer at a young age.

Today I am showcasing two simple images from the outdoors, as being outdoors always brings back a certain undeniable positivity and connectedness.  The first is leaf bug, as I called it, until I identified it as the California angle-wing Katydid. This particular bug struck me as exotic, even though it’s probably lived here for a while in the greater area. It is still new to me!  We definitely felt the presence of our visitor and have a strong totem in the last several years with the greater grasshopper and cricket 🦗 family.


The second image below is of a dove’s feather. It’s been a while that I have been seeing these and crow’s feathers, while I’ve had fewer of the Hawk variety that graced me with many during the years of 2009-2013. Surely, all these finds are related to messages, even if some of them have to do with the differences of where I spend my time geographically. I look at the dove feather as my greater purpose to find and create peace within, and being honest and acknowledging what’s in the way of it, and how to get more focused on being more present in my life, within my community, building community… etc etc, being more comfortable with being seen as I am in all the various forms I show up, and really having very little power over that – being online is where I find myself the most socially awkward, which seems unusual because most people say it’s the opposite. I prefer being in person with people (as well as enjoy my time alone). Anyways, I digress! The dove feather also shows me that I am also a part of the bigger planetary effort of the peace process, and living in harmony with nature.


I hope you enjoyed what I wrote here, and you enjoyed the pictures and contemplations. A Mercury retrograde like this might help take me into deeper reflections, as the holidays seemed to have a really enthusiastic kick-off this year in my observation. I saw more people participating this year with costuming and having fun. It was neat to witness! The Scorpio intensity has been especially intense this year, lots of memorials and grief surfaced over lost loved ones this year, as well as previous years. There was even a mourning for relationships that seem to be cut off because some friendships don’t seem to do well with space and distance geographically. It’s not that way with everyone, but sometimes friends are locked into their own lives, and no matter your history, they don’t want to continue connecting for whatever reason to “who you are today” – that does hurt. It’s very painful.

Anyways, I’ve rambled a bit more than usual. I wish you all a great weekend, a wonderful Nano Poblano, and a fruitful Mercury retrograde! May your days be filled with love and wonder!