A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part 3

But first…

Below is what I wrote for Part 2: Starting ‘right here’ with an intro.

This is a selection I wrote for MeMyMagnificientSelf, where we are asked by our friend Barbara to share our awakening experiences with others. This is Part II of a two part sequence. My participation is here, below, in Part II. I had recently met the other participants while Part I was taking place, and/or had already been completed.

Beginning:

Awakening used to sound like an ending to me, so complete, and total and full.

But, I think of it as this endless continuity. It is almost a complete engagement, and yet it is so dynamic that it is always “in the process” of being engaged.

There’s this idea that “one” has access to everything, all that has ever existed. But that is not just an idea; it is a sense – a smell, a quality to the nature of connectedness.

There’s still the personality, and of course because there is absolutely nothing wrong with the personality.

There’s just a sense of being beyond the capacity that one originally set out with in the life, and perhaps a sense of connectedness to all the other lives that came before, including the soul’s journey.

There’s this sense of not knowing what’s ahead, but being nearly absolutely certain, most of the time, that this gift of life keeps giving to us, to me, to everyone. There’s this sense of constantly being in reception with source. There’s a deep relationship with the cosmos and with the pain and suffering of the world, but not in a way that is gripping or feels identifying. There’s a sense of ‘coming and going’ and it just sort of improves over time. The witness who is watching is not really the subject, and there really is no object, but it is the peacefulness of center-point, and the culmination of pointlessness.

The emotions get deeper; the connections with others become richer. People in your family that you may have thought you didn’t “get along with” show you their spiritual love for you. Disagreements on the personality level do not affect the deep nature of the connection. The connections deepen. Family members start to feel understood and “seen” by you – as simultaneously the experience is mutual, and love enters where it the illusion was it was not. The veils on relationships keep lifting.

Awakening is a process – for this being it started in 2007, but the blueprints for it where there all along. The circumstances leading up to it, and in the beginning required a lot of releasing, a lot of acceptance into the path of the unknown. Meanwhile, all the support shows up. It can be rocky at times, even extremely difficult and painful, but ultimately awakening is the most brilliant gift to consciousness. It’s the kind of thing that spreads for those who are ripe and ripening. The clarity is what reigns, rises, and spreads, breaking up all the dross of thought, conditioning, and aberrant energy patterns. Awakening is final, but it isn’t done. It is like a seal that has opened and the energy from the container is decompressing over time.

Note: When I saw Barbara’s challenge show up in my inbox, I immediately penned the words above; it literally took me only about 2-3 minutes, if that. My own clarity on the prompt – as I experienced it unto myself – was surprising!

******************************* PART III *************************************

Begins Here:

Reflecting on Part II was beautiful. I am glad that I could receive again my relationship to the words on Part II through this exercise, agreeing with all that was written above about the continuous experience, and not feeling like I need to update or change anything.

Beyond ideas, beyond thoughts and notions of awakening is the day-to-day experience of it. There are the delightful surprises that show up along the way.

Below is a poem I have written for Venus Retrograde, which takes place today, October 5.

 

“Bringing in the Calm”

 

How can I feed this moment with what it needs?
,
numerous deep breaths answer…
,
the steady gift of,

deliberate
airway transformation

.

Healing sounds tone
,
a singing voice illuminates:

you are safe, you are peaceful,
you are calm.

your true nature shines free with the complete
view that all is now magic, laced in the fabric
of gentle thoughts, easy movements

fabric woven into a soft, multi-dimensioned
tapestry where you can surround yourself in
the cushioned condition of reflection

,

timelessly recreating a reality within the vision
of peace.

Writing, poetry, and photography ©Ka Malana 2018, shared on Fiestastrellas.com

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ascend, amend, comprehend

Soft,
Soften,
Softening

these words
whispered reach underneath
the skin, gently awakening
into new silky textures
channeling moisture and health,
supporting vitality

through all the channels and tinier channels and even smaller microscopic patterns, structure below structure

her flexibility opens to shine
into an archway, a passage made as airy as a canopy of silk,

gentle drum sounds move through the hairs of her ears,

soften, gentle,
easy, purposeful, guide her up the spiral stairway,

all white,
all open,
moving upward, lifted, free
her feet, ankles thank her,

all the way up to her crown,
her hair releases,

“you are as ancient as the oldest grain of sand, as mysterious as the creatures in the oceanic vents, and as free as all the universes keep expanding… and there is no end to you.”

Ka Malana 2018

Freedom

noting that during times of duress,
the most “me” me steps forward, not
the “person” me, the instinctual me.
The me that’s balanced and clear.

The one who cannot be mistaken.

i’ve kept her away, because
when i am most “me” the people disappear…
it gets silent and lonely.

Or is that inner peace, disguised as an island?

Today i have a new vision for that
space that’s created, when I speak my truth –

Today i don’t worry about being heard,
or being overheard, and misunderstood.

Today i listen so closely to that voice
in my heart, and I move with its movements,
and I sway with its sways,
and I dance with its steps…

if anything is not on its agenda,
you won’t hear from me.
the drummer inside, holds the keys to my passage

it is that drummer inside who is my guide.

Ka Malana ©2018

My jaw hurts

how strange it is to notice it
clenching less often
while still anchoring itself
into itself,
as though it will save me
from all of my fearful thoughts.

or from words ~ useful
communication, where muscles
loosen, and the space that is created,
has options to offer others.

(so glad I’m not an expert).

what would i say if i
said everything that I wanted to say
as beautifully as i wish i could,
or if i simply accepted –

this moment,

exactly as it is?

>>>pain is a reminder of life, and living:
it is a reminder that we are all equally
subjected to

all the feels.

the good, the bad, the ugly ~
why settle for only a bland sky?
why settle for that which catches your eye?

why settle at all…

move through it ~
this is life, and it is living through you, but your
body is not the extent of your consciousness – it is only
a small part.

***
I’m very much looking forward to my retreat with Francis Lucille at the end of the month. Consciousness is having fun with pain here, why not?

a soft focus

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~ The power that i seek is within myself and it seeks me now ~

How often do we transform ourselves in the fire of the forces surrounding us,
the forces that are shaping us everyday as we ask within and listen for an answer from that still small voice, “What is it that I really, really want?”

Besides loving and being loved, having sustenance: food, water, shelter, I think that each of us has a powerful and unique message that speaks directly to our hearts, and its okay to be different. It’s okay to be different and be among the same. Some voices may just say a simple and certain request, “peace.” For others need community, and differences of opinion, the excitement of discussion. Not everyone has exactly the same needs for human or animal or nature’s contact. I think that ought to be respected. I think this is what it means when we talk about compassion, it is about having the humanity to see the equality in all, while also allowing for the variance of what that equality looks like, without divisive judgements, and impositions. We live in an era where roles and designations are fading quickly, essential categories are in question for the past is rapidly disappearing without a trace in a world of technology and continuous innovation. We don’t just build from the past anymore, we forge the future within ourselves.

The beauty and capacity in people is astonishing to me as it is in this flower – a soft focus – a momentary glimpse of phase of life, and all are brilliant moments. Why seek to be in another stage of life from the one you are in? Relish where you are, exactly while you determine what that means, to be where you are now.

Sometimes it means, “Who needs a ‘what’s next’?” I’ll see it when I it arrives…that which I seek, seeks me now.

nothing to seek

There is nothing to seek
lest one seek the wind and
aim to put it in his pocket.

Goals come and go
and are fun, but each post
reveals its way to every
other, an endless string
of passers, passing by,
all marks of time –
in different, creative
pathways.

What about going nowhere
and seeking nothing?

Does it seem,
really,
all that dull
a world?

I think not.

Ka Malana ©2018

Mixed bag of Wishes Freed

what’s in my little satchel?
freeing the ‘ever i was’ and
‘always will be,’ as are you.

updating, electrifying
characteristic of total love
i will read with excitement
and travel through all those
moments

of reciprocity
while i am busy,
and then scale up-down
into that once solid core of molten
awesomeness

that flows and roars
and sparks and lives, feisty-like
and friendly-like a happy
tail-wagging you know who.

Ka Malana ©2018

*********************************

When I was much younger than I am now (although I do feel like I am getting younger), I attended an undergraduate bachelor program and dual majored Anthropology & Art History and I got a film studies certificate. If I were to be doing ‘right now’ everything that I ever started (in order to finish it? – hopefully never), I wouldn’t be visiting your blogs, or etc., So – I learned over time that ‘little by little’ was the only way I could release the sharing valve in a way that didn’t tear up my own eyes and cloud my mind, so that I could continue to “allow in,” at the same time, more grace, as I try to release gradually all that energy that I’ve been consolidating within my being – and has been taking up space.

That said, I used to decorate some of my college notebooks.Then there are more sketches and forays…

 

I’ve needed to upgrade my own website for a while, but it keeps getting pushed to the bottom of the list, as I am in school/clinic now in a busy and rigorous graduate program, being an intern (trying to be that best one of me that I can be), and that is demanding pretty much all of my heart and soul (and body). I have understated that, or perhaps not. My blog is a tip of my proverbial iceberg, and I love what I do here. I use it to empty out what has been stored away, and is ready to transform.

Sometimes this arises in the form of poetry, sometimes it arises in the sharing of others’ work, or my photography, or the astrology that build Fiestaestrellas.com. Sometimes I just want to dazzle or delight, as I am receiving the same from so much Source at once! Thank you: Uranus moving into Taurus! Thank you New Moon! Thank you Mercury! Thank you Goddess/God/Spirit etc.

There’s a story about everything here, and some memories I have forgotten ~ for sure. But in every detail there is a whisper, a reminder, an impression, and a hint of a flavor or a smell, or an experience….

**The Gecko from the Temple at Lawaii International Center – where one can tour the 88 shrines, has made it to the page** He/she adds something very new…. and a warm welcome to all passers by… I met him/her and he/she is a gem. So that’s why the photo, I suppose.

**This and all published pages are subject to updates at any time, and may or may not become private at the author’s sole discretion.

“I am the alarm clock in your dream”

“The only thing that seems to separate you from me, is ‘my’ idea of you.”

I’ve been following Mooji since the late 2000s. This Mooji Satsang strikes (and resonates with me) as the clearest Mooji communication I’ve heard to date. He talks about how people get trapped in the spiritual ego and how the ego takes the journey with us, but we can pay it no mind. When he talks about ‘presence’ here, the energy is so clearly felt and experienced, we know ~ that’s where we are, embracing it: confirmation, encouragement, inspiration. A man talks about peeling a banana and how the whole energy of the universe is there! We disappear, and energy provides everything! Then, how bananas are back to normal.

Experience where it’s no longer a phenomenal [ephemeral] thing. “Enjoying the perfume of the Self.” Yet, you aren’t plugged in so deeply, to what is going on – impact isn’t strong. “It’s a beautiful detachment or space that must be honored.”

More of my previous posts about Mooji

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One of these spoons 🥄 does not look 👀 like the others!

Strong Book Recommendation (SBR)- my new acronym:

Hello all,

I’m in the thick of a great book – i read a lot of great books, all of the time… (as do you, I’m sure!) but this one made me want to get to word out very quickly to everyone in reach.  It’s perfect for Zone living or flow living (several authors have been writing about flow) – anyways being involved in a number of paradigms (and fields of influence), while having been in the cross-roads of many of them, and weaving together my own tapestry of wholistic thought and practice, well; it has taken a lot of investment on my part to acquire, open my mind, and then to integrate and share my sources in the networked brain language way that is uniquely me. This book I am bringing forward in mid-stream, haven’t integrated any of it yet (okay, maybe some) – when I took my first leap in 2007.

Anyways, without further ado: I strongly recommend those who are wishing to expand – to read: The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks

When I first encountered Gay and Katie Hendricks, it was in one of those emails I signed up for several years ago – when my consciousness expansion was rounding a new corner. I probably listened to one of the free web-conferences when they were just budding into a field of opportunity that many are still capitalizing on.

Anyways,

I’m still working on photographs (in my mind), astrology updates (in the ethereal, too), and going back into my deep dive – pulling a swan dive for this one, so I have to really work on my physical body to get that grace and elegance flowing and ready to be channeled….

Love you all!

Ka

 

P.S. I’d like to add that this book is a good recommendation for the Mars/Pluto conjunction that is currently taking place in Capricorn. I have (Mars/Pluto) natally in Libra (a nice square for me – even ‘extra’ pressure to ‘transform’) and for me is works well with this book – that 12th house is all about the unconscious…. this book is all about (the rest of the title): “Conquer your hidden fear and take life to the next level.” Anyways, I believe that no matter where in your chart is the Mars/Pluto conjunction that we are all experiencing… this book will help you get past what Gay call’s your (ULP) – Upper Limit Problem.

Participating and playing vs. Observing quietly

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My title is a spin on my natal nodes and the current transiting nodes (at this point I’m looking forward to the Cancer N./Capricorn S. nodal transit).

The images above show the blur of engagement and activity, while the reflective, observant images are clear and crisp.

Having my 2nd nodal return in the  set of approx. 18 year cycles, it reminds me – again – of the “ping pong” and “intense” nature of the opposition (180Degrees) aspect generally, and then how the one in my natal chart Sun – Leo/ opposite Ascendant – Aquarius, gets emphasized, with nodes like this. Certainly this form/body cannot be everywhere and doing everything – so observing one thing at a time, has been the respite, saving-grace! Staying out of drama, hype, comparison… I’ve completely been scaling back my social media to its virtual non-existence. Not saying that it is permanent, but I am not eager to return to social media anytime soon. Self/Other was never a dichotomy for me, but boundaries are a necessity.

But this blog is a unique form of social media – it’s reflective and meaningful. It’s second only to reading books – which is what I try to do in my non-existent “free time.” I’ve only barely completed a few books, while I have consumed multiple tv show series, no doubt – just anything to be a little bit easier. I enjoy reading a book, far more, since social media.

These photographs that I’ve taken and shown here are several months old now, and as I continue to work on my photography skills, appreciating my subjects, more recently I’ve not had much energy to return to my blog to feature these marvelous faces, nor to embrace my writing publicly and with others, nor to discuss the ‘here and now.’ Part of that reason, is that I, have been on vacation after a *very busy and eventful trimester working with others and on myself* and maybe, I will return, from that vacation/ spiritual “retreat” – ‘one day’ in blog world, but I’ll start to return to the day-to-day offline world, first, and I have.

I feel deeply connected, so I’m not worried. So many pujas later…and time spent in the woods of the great green earth…

A lot has been simmering for me, and while it may seem like I am not experiencing a dynamic time here via Fiestaestrellas.com – if you are aware of some of the current transits – Western astrological version…

  • Mercury station direct and all the airplane news &
  • New Moon on April 15th at  26 Aries
  • Saturn SR on April 17th
  • Chiron ingress Aries
  • Sun ingress Taurus, form, matter
  • Pluto SR on April 22
  • Venus ingress Gemini
  • Mercury Square Saturn
  • Mars/Pluto Conjunction
  • Full Moon on April 29 at 10 Scorpio

…. you’d know that I’m undergoing quite a bit of transformation, and that process looks different all the time. It shifts quickly to and fro, and while the ‘3D’ appears to be fluctuating, the eternal experiencing is ever-present, calm, enjoying the show, and embracing all the moments. I remain ‘undecided’ about most things and am mostly enjoying that ride, despite certain times of definite and specific discomfort, which fortunately leaves quickly. I am cultivating what Napolean Hill has coined, “a definite and specific purpose.”

There’s a lot of energy in the collective field.

I’ll be taking, potentially more time away from blogging, and dedicating myself more to my day-to-day offline activities, but I do hope to resurface here and there from time to time with greater purpose, and with more clarity at some sort of ‘one-day’ stabilizing point. I eagerly await Uranus’s move into Taurus, and as I pull into my center… I enjoy uncovering more from my core. In my Ascendant chart, Uranus will be linking to my 3rd house of neighbors, siblings, and closer networking – opening up the mind – which it has begun to do! With my ascendant ruler in Scorpio and all my Cancer planets – you might imagine: I like my privacy, and my transformational cave.

~ * ~

Thank you to all who have been a part of this blog, and who continue to be the celebrating shining lights of sparkle and joy in this world, bringing passion and compassion into your every-day, and in the blog world where I can see you. I look forward to providing another update or two before I take another dive into the deep…

Aloha, Ka

For those who have actually read this blog post in its entirety, I am so grateful that YOU are here. Most of my blog posts are very short and don’t require a lot of time and attention, but that may change in the future. In this post, I am rambling, but right now… it’s enough to pass.

How do i serve?

you might find me whimsical
or wanderlust
or fractured and a bust
forcing a rhyme on a dime
or taking the easy peasy street

that is not me.

you might read a description i wrote
with a lengthy, dated timeline,
but i am not in those steps, nor in those
actions of my past.

i am here.

you might wander in the dark
tracing the light’s reflection on the
water.

here, you will find me, choppy and mobile
but as clear as the shine of light.

And, i am partly caught in the crabbers net
some fishing line in my hair,
because i’ve been swimming so long, long
in this selfdom, kingdom sea

still, i am here.

a mashup of experiences
a true, live human
living in the flicker of light
called a dream.

still, i serve.

lost, imperfect, easily disagreeable

still, i serve.

long ago, i wanted to be pretty and respectable, and now,
i’m rushing about the house, trying to figure out
how to show you that i have all the same
parts as you, hidden in the folds of my
awareness.

how i am outside and naked and clueless,
and still worthy of you.

Ka Malana©2018

grow with me 🌙

words change like days
and moons pass as events
as moments uplift and letdown

the witnessing awareness
sees it all as a playground
or museum, or like a trailer park of
ideas “gone somewhere,” then stopped,
and decided to live.

we clear out our systems on cleaning
days or on days assigned for other
maintence activities, or just whenever
cleaning finds time for itself.

the fun of doing anything
is living in the unknown
is speculating
is just facing the unexpected,
and embracing it.

i can definitely find security in this:

everything changes

Belonging

not long after finding
my belonging ~
i have to let it go,
trust that wherever i am,
is meant to be

i let the sense of community
form around me,
even while i miss being
with my friends,
and going to them,
the people who i care for –

going to the places i know

bring me joy and
help form me

those places must be all around
and inside me, too.

knowing recovery
is an act of self love
that sometimes requires giving up
certain medicines for others

and uncertainty nurtures me, too.

How can it be any other way? As I practice, so I pave the way.