Savoring my 30s

no where near my birthday now,
steady on the end of current age-platform
this juicy decade gave way
to a certain level of clarity
that the 20s could not provide

and it took me into a deeper experience, than my 20s world travel
would, when i was across the world after 911, and during it, before
globalism became what it is today.

in my earliest years a
philosophical child,
my father explained death,
i was 3. he says he remembers my
face.

“really? you mean everybody dies?”

i lived in questioning – a strong muscle made from previous starry lives.

seeing this face in the candid photo
of my mind’s eye. seeing into past, present, and future.

now i am well-pondered, but don’t
have too many wrinkles, confirmed
by estheticians and medical assistants of skin care –

amused?! am i? there’s a lot of sleep i’ve missed thinking thoughts, places where wrinkles rolled and crimped and
limped, and wimpered.

now i regard time with a tentative eye–been in love with pattern and cycles and appreciating ephemeral
beauties.
lost friends to death, too early,
all unfair.

now youth is all i know, and better than ever. my 40s will likely be,
much younger than i’d ever have been
had i not lived deeply enough before them.

and evermore my memory restore
all that passed in the slips and dips
of the turns and spaces that burned.
i was accompanied by so much crap
i’ve shed. I’ve led a good life leaving behind. I’ve led myself out of the wilderness.

But in my 30s longer still, will fill this marvelous cavern of emptiness
that i am, until it brims over and replete with sparkles and tastes, and know that each moment, i have lived
with my senses, my body is my ally, my wonderful home, my poem.

I’m building beginning upon beginning
and growing more simple, cute and endearing. Love to you, my body, my friend–my accomplice! We have some wonderful adventures ahead! let’s enjoy this space we’ve created to play!

**
i just wanted to outwardly appreciate my youth in a way i couldn’t when i was young, acknowledging that I am still young enough, and growing truly younger. cheers for all the kiddos in the room!

First of all

First of all
I’m not gonna ever give up
I’m only going to get better

at the small things.

an entire life can be build
up proud, from the small.
do you know much of a difference
your commitment can make?

a commitment is for the small.
it means you aren’t expecting
any confetti to fly when you
do a thing.

it means, you forget about
reward, because the only
reward, the only real pay-off
is in the doing.

it doesn’t matter what time of
year it is,
or who’s in it with you.

**this was a draft that got published by accident. Too funny for me!

Learning to crawl

Every day is savored;
in its full mix
of babble and spitup
surprise smiles
and sitting up

the music is always on
the rain falls
out the window;
we hear it all

surround sound,

inside, it’s always warm
and we are learning
how to play more, live
more, roll on our bellies,
flip over and study our toys on
our backs

tasting so many new foods
as our brain cells ping
and our taste buds zing
and this is the life,

thee life!

it’s simple and always
available come rhyme or shine,
blowing raspberries and
tasting them too!

Attachment & Temperance

There may be no sense in attaching to one favorite card in the deck. This is also to say the same for the various conditions and circumstances of life.

There are a couple of things I want to discuss. First, this deck: the Wildwood Tarot is a newer deck of mine (even though I got it maybe last year but didn’t use it frequently) it replaces my very well-used deck that I had since I was a teenager, Tarot of the Spirit. I am not a person who has like 20-30 decks or more, like so many tarot card readers I know. At least now I am not. When I was pregnant, I literally cleared the decks and gave away my long time deck to another friend and shaman. Which brings me to another friend and shamanic healer who I was having lunch with and shared my deck. She was also looking for a deck to replace her main once since 1983. She recently decided on getting this Wild Wood Tarot deck and said I planted the seed because of the accuracy of my reading. I’m just very happy she got the deck and rekindled my enjoyment of tarot in the process. It’s nice to speak a common language with friends.

The card pictured above is like the Temperance card from the classic Rider Waite tarot deck. I received the Temperance card last night as “what I embrace in 2020” and I the Balance card pictured above, today. This repeat gesture from the universe followed after I had written to Karen from Shamanism and Healing blog. I’ll have to return to add the link. I wrote that I was sculpting the matter of my mind, non-dualistically, while emptying my thoughts. What I wrote is my experience that is being demonstrated by the cards, as the “universe.”

I have a fairly dualistic astrological natal chart. That is to say that the unaltered chart that was “cast” at the time of my birth, showed strong “opposing” energies. The goal of this chart would be to balance or to integrate any seeming dichotomies.

When I photographed my tarot card, I used a black and white background. Being intrigued as a child and in art with checker boards, chess boards and checkered floors, I’ve often been drawn to the juxtaposition of opposites. It’s the flavor of my character, perhaps, but deeply rooted in my consciousness is the desire to express a “and” and “both” existence, while experiencing and providing a sense of “wholeness” in my environment and for others.

For now, this is my favorite card, because it is calling to me deeply, and I’m grateful for its reflection. It brings up Indian Ida and Pingala and the caduceus as well as the foundation and structure for DNA and the formation of nucleic acids.

Thank you for reading!

Dear Blog Family

Please stay close in the New Year! I know I have a lot of reading and catching up to do. You are all in my thoughts and I am so grateful for the times we spend together, at odd or irregular hours, or when consistency is even possible.

This has been such a special year transition for my family and I, and though I won’t post personal pictures due to safety and pragmatism, I wish to share my joy and writings with such an incredible group of bloggers! One of my previous posts had the comments restricted. By accident no comments were allowed. I created the blog post from my phone, but it seemed to default to no comments; however, that didn’t happen with a subsequent post. However, no one left a comment on that poem, which is okay. Going forward as time permits, I encourage your interaction with me.

So grateful am I for all the ways you already participate! Happy New Year! 2020. I hope to continue to keep bringing content in this space in the New Year: it has been so wonderful to develop with your presence. I also hope to return to astrology. I had been not using this space for astrology because there’s so much of it on the internet now. Finding my own contribution has been requiring me to be in more meditation and *away* from all that; however, I have many other focused goals at present. I still want to have my writing, astrology, and photography/art in the forum, so I’m asking myself: how might I incorporate it in? I want to do so in a non-time-intensive/sensitive way. That is not a pun. Astrology is not really about time, although it “seems” like is. The astrology that is focused on “time” isn’t even one I”believe in.” To me, it’s about having a fun practice and exploration into what arises. Also, this doesn’t require languaging, despite that so much of it is “interpretation.”

Please stay close, leave your comments. What are you most happy you left behind in 2019? What are your dreams? Talk to me. Listening to people talk about their dreams is wonderful; I’m an activator. Let me add my energy by reading.

Much peace and many blessings to you blog family!