Mercury direct station and the New Moon in Sagittarius, reflections

Deep gratitude for this life that I am living and all the ways that I can experience it and share it with others. I am grateful for this blog and my wonderful followers and supporters. Fiestaestrellas.com has grown the most in the last couple of years with my book publication in 2017, and continued poetry in 2018! You all who visit here and stick around, inspire me so much! Thank you, Mahalo! Each new face and energy here is just so beautiful and precious, and I am grateful for your continuous support and encouragement!

With the transiting Sun, Mercury, and Jupiter, my astrological 10th house of reputation and role in community is all lit up, like a tree with a tiny, bright star at the top. I have some hope. Let’s put it that way.

Some reflections, inspired by recent and almost over Mercury and Venus transits (and shadows):

I haven’t been writing about astrology on my blog, when that was its original intention: “Fiestaestrellas,” celebrates the stars (and all along I really meant “celebrate life.” It’s so much a part of my life, continue with my NCGR group (and other local groups) and my daily meditations, but I’ve been enjoying celebrating poetry when it flows into this space. It’s a more open format that I enjoy, and enjoyment is the focus; it helps me cultivate all the things.

Originally I started my blog to be informative, sharing from my own experience and collected observations in conjunction with some collated information, and to meet people who I could serve, but over time I saw how wonderful all the other transmitters of information around me were on the same topic (and growing!), and I didn’t want to even try to compete! So, I let it go. I had other areas of expression that felt more productive and readily accessible (to harvest), while I couldn’t make it the focus it needed to be, in order to do it right! I think that was actually a good decision; and growing through the sharing of others, meanwhile, has been internally very nurturing. I’ve been under a lot of development! Yay!

Working with my patients in East Asian Medicine (acupuncture, etc) and continuous training in other styles of Shamanic practices, working with many teachers on different planes…plants, elements, etc.. from different lineages, being a member of groups of shamanic practitioners, developing friendships in my various fields of professional activities, and being an ordinary person, it’s really shown me all my deeper challenges end up being around business and business communication – I have strong desire to be in the most seamless flow around business and energy exchange. I am not alone, no one loves this area of self-promotion of their products and services as far as I know, and it’s nice when we can focus on the stuff that matters. Lots of cleverness and talent can be seen in people who navigate these activities with such ease! I’m always impressed by everyone else out there! I am not yet one of them, and despite being “at it” for a long time, I continue to make only “baby step sized” progress, which by the way, can be very cute! A couple of my supervisors’ evals praised my rapport-building skills with patients, and I think it’s interesting that it’s what I find the most challenging! It’s easier to see and test the results of the work via communication, and that’s been the most rewarding for me!

As a certain practitioner developing many skill sets at once, I can see this area developing nicely in my world (business/fair exchange) and it’s a relief. I’m really feeling valued! I feel like business will take care of itself, while I can focus on taking care of me and others. I’ve had a steady flow of patients without needing to do anything additional to “bring them in.” That’s a welcome relief. I can trust my journey! My patients have faith in me! I can keep my focus on my journey and not on anything else!

I’ll be working with another Shamanic teacher and being introduced to 3 new groups of plant essences and allies, beginning during this New Moon, today, and for the next several months! Very excited! I can feel excitement of new plant friends and new relationships forming on the horizon.

Left behind forever:

Comparison is an illusion and a thief. I don’t ever have to waste another moment on it, in a way that is not directly enriching and mutually supportive. Some comparison is reasonable and informative, I believe, and developmental. I make my own pace, and I am given so much as a result! Energy gifts come in all forms and I am receiving so much, and still learning how to receive, which has continued to be a challenge for me.

Stories from daily encounters that are cool and inspiring:

These days I’ve been enjoying sharing my daily and personal stories with my nearest and dearest, and elevating those relationships which most feed me in all ways. I appreciate receiving such wonderful feedback and gifts from the heart directly from my patients, and appreciate the supervisors who have given me such wonderful evaluations that I can reflect on during challenging times. I work to become less introverted in my daily life. I’ve had to push through so much worry, doubt, and insecurity. I’m truly a work in progress.

Much Love,
Ka

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P.S. Big props for people who read my blog post in its entirety, and with interest. I know it’s filled with run-on sentences, and a lot of un-polished-ness, but I wanted to transmit my exuberance. Thank you for all who were able to over-look that! Also, I hope to become a better writer in the future, and in different types of styles. I hope to be able to create more products to share, and be more productive in sharing my value.

Rain falls

drops easily fall from the heavy sky
in 360 surround sound
i’ve been waiting in this dark n’ quiet
corner, soaking up the peacefulness of
solitude in the midst of the
busy, moving, bustling life around me,

like the rain drops, I am released.

free to roam the ground and be as
petrichor, free as
any particle moves about from the
forces it is a part of,
free from mind or duty,
free from need to craft a vision,
of peace and calm, or growth
and creation.

Free.

it’s all already been done,

and the show I’m watching is the best show on Earth,
and from it can see Mars,
the expanding universe,
and feel the tiny little presence
that silently awaits its own journey of release.

Friends are lifting me up

it wasn’t long ago that I realized
that anything I had to offer anyone
was incidental.

try and try as I may, my contributions
and service always fell short of
my soul’s intention.

too much struggle in my own efforts
and not enough levity in my heart,
what can I give from that place,
but my emptiness?

my impact and influence on those around
me have been not the real way to be
a blessing, as my experience would show me:

being helped,
being lifted,
bringing that smile to others
who are there for me,
that’s the true joy I see in their eyes-

when they feel like they did something
good and their gifts were received.

when I want to “do” for others
it is when I find myself the
most “needing,” it’s like that,
unfortunately and yet innately
fair to recognize that

it’s an honest human equality,
it’s my truth…

allowing another’s love,
their efforts, their caring
to be heard, seen, respected,
appreciated.

receiving love, blessings, grace…
surrendering with gratitude to the goodness of others…

Grateful for so many
in-tune people to share this
adventure with
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If I were to…

open up and unfurl my inner poetess-process

I’d trace the skyline 🌃 of my heart’s city

with the finger of my imagination

And cover myself head to toe in fresh colors that smell of oil paint and spices

I may not make it to any meetings, appointments, or classes,

and I’d definitely not use a calendar 📆 except to color in the palette 🎨 of my life’s activities, exactly at times, and sketched at times,

and I’d cut out huge areas of clocklessness

i’d appoint each moment when it feels perfect and effortless 🔥 rather than schedule intersecting time-space happenings

i’d be cooking, and dancing, sculpting and then napping. I’d light incense and candles and then run through the woods, following the scents and tracks of animals…

I’d wear masks every day with purposefulness and intention, the feathers from my hair would stream in the wind as I follow the scent of dusk into dawn, and ride each day like an amusing dragon 🐉 of delights, streaming through the sky

unbeknownst to anyone….

Deepak’s 21 day meditation

This is the best Deepak series so far; I know, and I’m just only starting it today. In fact, I paused it, and took a picture of the screen so that I could share this forward so everyone else who wants to can benefit from joining this very large group meditation,  too. It’s Day 1! Today!

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So my schedule has fluctuated so much, and I have new things on my plate. A couple of weeks ago I saw the most patients of all the weeks previously, and by Wednesday, so all were in the first half of the week. Then last week I had a shift cancelation due to symposium and supervising decisions that resulted in a lot of free time, with a day’s notice – just when my plate was getting over-full with new things to do and midterms. So I used it and cared for myself. The good news for me is that I have everything mapped out in so many ways that I am able to move flexibly through it all, despite all the many unknowns that pop up, and the final result looks like it’s nearly inevitable. All my hard work will eventually reach its culmination, and I will have moved on…which simply means I can start all the creative things I’ve had on hold…

But not yet, nope… yet, the end for my current chapter (figurative)  is very near. And so many beginnings in other “new” areas of my life overlapping – even bigger. It’s like those places in the world where two oceans meet.

It’s exciting! **Mercury co-joins Jupiter** (within one degree orb today) and this is how I am experiencing it today!

Back to meditation…

 

Luck

Have you ever blamed yourself for something that wasn’t your fault?

I bet you have.

Doesn’t it work the other way, too? Given yourself credit for, no reason.

So many in the trend of thought talk
about ‘creating your reality’ with your
thoughts. While I do believe this,
I also believe that the belief, it can be taken too far. Too much emphasis can be placed,

on the personality, the contents of mind and action.

your thoughts are not you. they may be habits; they may float by in consciousness. They are not you.

free yourself from blame
that you really do not deserve. You
do not deserve all the good nor bad things
that happen to you. events are mostly neutral, even though most of us will agree about unpleasantness or joy of many types of circumstances.

free yourself from the burden of fixing
your mind. Your mind has its own life from you. Your whole life is going on, without your mind.

free yourself from your mind. this is possible as much as it’s not. But isn’t it worth the effort?

Then luck, in all its many forms, can find you!

Politics broken

the steam is disgusting, putrid
the clouds of lies are thick
with blame and people are
getting threatened every day.

Yet, every day someone else becomes
more courageous,

or is it just this need to breathe so
desperately?

families long-time divided
holding desperate silences,
fear of losing fake peace
coming, literally, from different places,
fearing loss of loyalty or confirming
it was there, just lack of love.

who can be secure in this world of human
desperation? politics and marketing campaigns, attentions gathered and divided,

who pays what for listening?

There is a call for freedom. It doesn’t look like its other forms;
perhaps formless,
perhaps astonishingly unbroken,
perhaps it’s a beginning.

we will move forward, damaged.

Free-falling into a new life

this was going to be a “it’s the blog’s end” post,
finished the blog. Its mission’s run out.
the long pause at the end of a winding
road, or maybe that will come tomorrow.

service has been disrupted in so many
ways, and the vision vacillates while
the complexities loom.

i was planning on finishing everything
i started, once I realized that in principle
was a principle, just a principle;
and these are my rules now, whimsy be what
it may, the life-force answers to itself.

accepting a better version of events
can be whatever they end up being, and an end
can redirect meaningful energies,
free up resources,
provide inspiration.

what about a re-route?

the whole path has been a splinter!

an impulse quickly turned into a million,
refracted directions,
when with camera: mirror-less direct
images captured on film, in no order
but the perpetual march of the order
that is already given by the continuity
of the space that the events take place in.

this guide is so agenda-less. she’s had no
reason to spread a vision, word, in so
many directions. She is, in essence, “inert,”
lovably all her electrons are full in her
outer shell.

she seeks no bonds.

still she returns, one by one, and moment
by moment, as each strange inspiration
lingers in the new ways that it does, when it’s still
a stranger, and we are sometimes excitedly
courting each other. The self that meets a new moment,

“what will you be, how will you become?”

Light.

A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part 3

But first…

Below is what I wrote for Part 2: Starting ‘right here’ with an intro.

This is a selection I wrote for MeMyMagnificientSelf, where we are asked by our friend Barbara to share our awakening experiences with others. This is Part II of a two part sequence. My participation is here, below, in Part II. I had recently met the other participants while Part I was taking place, and/or had already been completed.

Beginning:

Awakening used to sound like an ending to me, so complete, and total and full.

But, I think of it as this endless continuity. It is almost a complete engagement, and yet it is so dynamic that it is always “in the process” of being engaged.

There’s this idea that “one” has access to everything, all that has ever existed. But that is not just an idea; it is a sense – a smell, a quality to the nature of connectedness.

There’s still the personality, and of course because there is absolutely nothing wrong with the personality.

There’s just a sense of being beyond the capacity that one originally set out with in the life, and perhaps a sense of connectedness to all the other lives that came before, including the soul’s journey.

There’s this sense of not knowing what’s ahead, but being nearly absolutely certain, most of the time, that this gift of life keeps giving to us, to me, to everyone. There’s this sense of constantly being in reception with source. There’s a deep relationship with the cosmos and with the pain and suffering of the world, but not in a way that is gripping or feels identifying. There’s a sense of ‘coming and going’ and it just sort of improves over time. The witness who is watching is not really the subject, and there really is no object, but it is the peacefulness of center-point, and the culmination of pointlessness.

The emotions get deeper; the connections with others become richer. People in your family that you may have thought you didn’t “get along with” show you their spiritual love for you. Disagreements on the personality level do not affect the deep nature of the connection. The connections deepen. Family members start to feel understood and “seen” by you – as simultaneously the experience is mutual, and love enters where it the illusion was it was not. The veils on relationships keep lifting.

Awakening is a process – for this being it started in 2007, but the blueprints for it where there all along. The circumstances leading up to it, and in the beginning required a lot of releasing, a lot of acceptance into the path of the unknown. Meanwhile, all the support shows up. It can be rocky at times, even extremely difficult and painful, but ultimately awakening is the most brilliant gift to consciousness. It’s the kind of thing that spreads for those who are ripe and ripening. The clarity is what reigns, rises, and spreads, breaking up all the dross of thought, conditioning, and aberrant energy patterns. Awakening is final, but it isn’t done. It is like a seal that has opened and the energy from the container is decompressing over time.

Note: When I saw Barbara’s challenge show up in my inbox, I immediately penned the words above; it literally took me only about 2-3 minutes, if that. My own clarity on the prompt – as I experienced it unto myself – was surprising!

******************************* PART III *************************************

Begins Here:

Reflecting on Part II was beautiful. I am glad that I could receive again my relationship to the words on Part II through this exercise, agreeing with all that was written above about the continuous experience, and not feeling like I need to update or change anything.

Beyond ideas, beyond thoughts and notions of awakening is the day-to-day experience of it. There are the delightful surprises that show up along the way.

Below is a poem I have written for Venus Retrograde, which takes place today, October 5.

 

“Bringing in the Calm”

 

How can I feed this moment with what it needs?
,
numerous deep breaths answer…
,
the steady gift of,

deliberate
airway transformation

.

Healing sounds tone
,
a singing voice illuminates:

you are safe, you are peaceful,
you are calm.

your true nature shines free with the complete
view that all is now magic, laced in the fabric
of gentle thoughts, easy movements

fabric woven into a soft, multi-dimensioned
tapestry where you can surround yourself in
the cushioned condition of reflection

,

timelessly recreating a reality within the vision
of peace.

Writing, poetry, and photography ©Ka Malana 2018, shared on Fiestastrellas.com

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DSCN0297

 

ascend, amend, comprehend

Soft,
Soften,
Softening

these words
whispered reach underneath
the skin, gently awakening
into new silky textures
channeling moisture and health,
supporting vitality

through all the channels and tinier channels and even smaller microscopic patterns, structure below structure

her flexibility opens to shine
into an archway, a passage made as airy as a canopy of silk,

gentle drum sounds move through the hairs of her ears,

soften, gentle,
easy, purposeful, guide her up the spiral stairway,

all white,
all open,
moving upward, lifted, free
her feet, ankles thank her,

all the way up to her crown,
her hair releases,

“you are as ancient as the oldest grain of sand, as mysterious as the creatures in the oceanic vents, and as free as all the universes keep expanding… and there is no end to you.”

Ka Malana 2018

Freedom

noting that during times of duress,
the most “me” me steps forward, not
the “person” me, the instinctual me.
The me that’s balanced and clear.

The one who cannot be mistaken.

i’ve kept her away, because
when i am most “me” the people disappear…
it gets silent and lonely.

Or is that inner peace, disguised as an island?

Today i have a new vision for that
space that’s created, when I speak my truth –

Today i don’t worry about being heard,
or being overheard, and misunderstood.

Today i listen so closely to that voice
in my heart, and I move with its movements,
and I sway with its sways,
and I dance with its steps…

if anything is not on its agenda,
you won’t hear from me.
the drummer inside, holds the keys to my passage

it is that drummer inside who is my guide.

Ka Malana ©2018

On the rocks

How can I do it all?

why does it feel so heavy
sometimes?

once a connection is made it
doesn’t leave…, and yet
where is my memory?

I need this moment for me,
for the sake of not over or under preparing for moments that don’t happen.

There’s an emptiness inside –
and I am grateful for it. It shows me
where i can love more.
forced gratitude sometimes,
the fear of complaining,
practicing victimhood, won’t claim me today.

at the moment of celebration,
there’s a lot more unplanned purging…
But I can see the freedom at the open door. I can feel the wind that flows through the openness all throughout, and I’ll just let the opening be there, while
I linger in this healing maze, clinging to the rocks, for

whenever I’m truly ready

38

Love has led me here
she does not tarry,
she does not make haste –
or deliver herself on the back
of intellectual arguments, just for
clarity’s sake.

she guides me with each step;
a lollypop on the road, a unique
Cees candy message from my teacher,
traveled all the way here
to my familiar sidewalk;
also, the drizzle of love from the grey sky
who has eased me from my ways
of fear and trembling;
and let me know, I’m not alone.

Love is my anchor, my presence –
the reflection in the mirror,
the “hello, good morning” in the neighbor’s
voice, the sound of my grandmother, my father,
my mother’s voice, once they’ve discovered,
that I’ve stopped hiding
under the racks at the clothing stores,

and started crying for different reasons…

i’ve stopped running away from beautiful
messages like roses, and hearts… easy things-
effortless nothings of love,
and i’ve begun to play the flute again –
9 years old meets 38 year old in one
body: and played a belated “Happy Birthday” to thyself.

Love has led me here to your doorstep
to your eyes,
for your reading, for your consumption.
When I was little, I stole an eraser,
it was big and it said, “for big mistakes,”
and I’m still having
difficulty forgiving myself for it.

if it were “i” i’d have kept all this
beauty hidden under the dusty, locked trunk of
“being under construction”… under surveillance,
waiting for a “safe” moment to come out and play.

but my little red ball slipped from my ageless hands…

if it were “i”, i wouldn’t have told you
my secrets in this one poem, or opened up my
consequences for your pleasure.

Anything worth doing, begins and ends with Love, even if it looks
like a mistake, it’s innocent.

2018© Ka Malana –

*******************************************************************************
I’m back from retreat, and about to get settled into a new trimester in the cauldron of deep study, practice, and making mistakes. I feel open and vulnerable to the newness of my mind, the emptiness of it. I’m not back to blogging. I might take a longer break from blogging. I sincerely appreciate new followers and new commenters and new visitors to Fiestaestrellas.com. The fact that you found your way here, well it means something. I look forward to catching up with all of you when I can, am able, or happily distracted. For now, I have a focus and love and passion…. to attend to, and I will follow it wherever it takes me.

My jaw hurts

how strange it is to notice it
clenching less often
while still anchoring itself
into itself,
as though it will save me
from all of my fearful thoughts.

or from words ~ useful
communication, where muscles
loosen, and the space that is created,
has options to offer others.

(so glad I’m not an expert).

what would i say if i
said everything that I wanted to say
as beautifully as i wish i could,
or if i simply accepted –

this moment,

exactly as it is?

>>>pain is a reminder of life, and living:
it is a reminder that we are all equally
subjected to

all the feels.

the good, the bad, the ugly ~
why settle for only a bland sky?
why settle for that which catches your eye?

why settle at all…

move through it ~
this is life, and it is living through you, but your
body is not the extent of your consciousness – it is only
a small part.

***
I’m very much looking forward to my retreat with Francis Lucille at the end of the month. Consciousness is having fun with pain here, why not?

Art in the woods, a new light coming

claude-monet-painting-by-the-edge-of-a-wood-1885

Art in the woods

As of yet, I still do not have a favorite style of art. My tastes seem to have changed throughout the decades. But I do find some subject themes repeat in my field of interest such as those by the descriptors: “art in the woods,” “pictures within pictures,” and “landscape and subject blend together.” For example, the image above is a painting by John Singer Sargent of a scene with a painting being composed by Claude Monet. This painting has the appeal of both the woods, and a picture within a picture.

Claude Monet Painting by the Edge of a Wood John Singer Sargent 1885, Impressionism, portrait,  oilcanvas

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the-hammock

Landscape and subject blend together

Everything about the above painting tells me to relax. It does it gently so I don’t have to feel bad about a thing. The subject is a part of the scene, with a touch of texture expressed by the brush to express the differentiation between the subject’s pink dress and the dimensionless ground of this wooded area, where the hammock is suggested to hang from trees out of view. The red of the umbrella stands out – this relaxing woman is well-prepared for any occasion, and she can rest peacefully on her hammock in the confetti-like woods.

The Hammock Giovanni Boldini, c.1872 – c.1874 , Impressionism, genre painting,  oil, panel

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a-birch-grove-1

Art in the Woods

One can imagine seeing apparitions in this piece. It’s a peaceful view of nighttime and the hint of the magic of the forest, with its glowing hues, and with the green and yellow “lights” it is a suggestion of an almost black-light luminosity. This reminds me of many of my most favorite forest scenes.

A Birch Grove Arkhip Kuindzhi , Березовая роща  c.1880  Impressionism, landscape

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I saved my favorites for the last ones. Somehow they represent something new that is on its way for me – these paintings both fill me with intrigue. They are both by John Singer Sargent, who I discovered today, and who by the painting below, inspired me to post today. Since the painting below is not in public domain, I have linked to the video about the painting. Having received stargazer lilies for my birthday this year, and having particular affections for both the rose and carnations… everything about this painting below, I love.

Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose, by John Singer Sargent, around 1885
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the-sphinx
The Sphinx, John Singer Sargent, 1890 – 1891

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