ascend, amend, comprehend

Soft,
Soften,
Softening

these words
whispered reach underneath
the skin, gently awakening
into new silky textures
channeling moisture and health,
supporting vitality

through all the channels and tinier channels and even smaller microscopic patterns, structure below structure

her flexibility opens to shine
into an archway, a passage made as airy as a canopy of silk,

gentle drum sounds move through the hairs of her ears,

soften, gentle,
easy, purposeful, guide her up the spiral stairway,

all white,
all open,
moving upward, lifted, free
her feet, ankles thank her,

all the way up to her crown,
her hair releases,

“you are as ancient as the oldest grain of sand, as mysterious as the creatures in the oceanic vents, and as free as all the universes keep expanding… and there is no end to you.”

Ka Malana 2018

Freedom

noting that during times of duress,
the most “me” me steps forward, not
the “person” me, the instinctual me.
The me that’s balanced and clear.

The one who cannot be mistaken.

i’ve kept her away, because
when i am most “me” the people disappear…
it gets silent and lonely.

Or is that inner peace, disguised as an island?

Today i have a new vision for that
space that’s created, when I speak my truth –

Today i don’t worry about being heard,
or being overheard, and misunderstood.

Today i listen so closely to that voice
in my heart, and I move with its movements,
and I sway with its sways,
and I dance with its steps…

if anything is not on its agenda,
you won’t hear from me.
the drummer inside, holds the keys to my passage

it is that drummer inside who is my guide.

Ka Malana ©2018

On the rocks

How can I do it all?

why does it feel so heavy
sometimes?

once a connection is made it
doesn’t leave…, and yet
where is my memory?

I need this moment for me,
for the sake of not over or under preparing for moments that don’t happen.

There’s an emptiness inside –
and I am grateful for it. It shows me
where i can love more.
forced gratitude sometimes,
the fear of complaining,
practicing victimhood, won’t claim me today.

at the moment of celebration,
there’s a lot more unplanned purging…
But I can see the freedom at the open door. I can feel the wind that flows through the openness all throughout, and I’ll just let the opening be there, while
I linger in this healing maze, clinging to the rocks, for

whenever I’m truly ready

38

Love has led me here
she does not tarry,
she does not make haste –
or deliver herself on the back
of intellectual arguments, just for
clarity’s sake.

she guides me with each step;
a lollypop on the road, a unique
Cees candy message from my teacher,
traveled all the way here
to my familiar sidewalk;
also, the drizzle of love from the grey sky
who has eased me from my ways
of fear and trembling;
and let me know, I’m not alone.

Love is my anchor, my presence –
the reflection in the mirror,
the “hello, good morning” in the neighbor’s
voice, the sound of my grandmother, my father,
my mother’s voice, once they’ve discovered,
that I’ve stopped hiding
under the racks at the clothing stores,

and started crying for different reasons…

i’ve stopped running away from beautiful
messages like roses, and hearts… easy things-
effortless nothings of love,
and i’ve begun to play the flute again –
9 years old meets 38 year old in one
body: and played a belated “Happy Birthday” to thyself.

Love has led me here to your doorstep
to your eyes,
for your reading, for your consumption.
When I was little, I stole an eraser,
it was big and it said, “for big mistakes,”
and I’m still having
difficulty forgiving myself for it.

if it were “i” i’d have kept all this
beauty hidden under the dusty, locked trunk of
“being under construction”… under surveillance,
waiting for a “safe” moment to come out and play.

but my little red ball slipped from my ageless hands…

if it were “i”, i wouldn’t have told you
my secrets in this one poem, or opened up my
consequences for your pleasure.

Anything worth doing, begins and ends with Love, even if it looks
like a mistake, it’s innocent.

2018© Ka Malana –

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I’m back from retreat, and about to get settled into a new trimester in the cauldron of deep study, practice, and making mistakes. I feel open and vulnerable to the newness of my mind, the emptiness of it. I’m not back to blogging. I might take a longer break from blogging. I sincerely appreciate new followers and new commenters and new visitors to Fiestaestrellas.com. The fact that you found your way here, well it means something. I look forward to catching up with all of you when I can, am able, or happily distracted. For now, I have a focus and love and passion…. to attend to, and I will follow it wherever it takes me.