Why I gave up writing about Astrology, for now.

When I started this blog (2011), astrology was the thing that was so consistent in my life; for better or for worse. There’s so much that I could have said about my relationship to the subject, and my passion for it, and my observations from about the age of 10 (mostly through software) and so on. It was the whole reason why I started a blog. I never even considered myself “a writer.” But in truth, my “beliefs” about astrology have always wavered.

There were times when the paradigms of interpretation didn’t work for me, so I resolved to learn it on my own terms: entirely experientially. From the very beginning, astrology for me was about “finding my own way” and not looking to someone else to interpret my life for me. It was about Freedom from people and their opinions. It was about connecting with my own sense of interpretation with the divine, not a religious thing in any way (except very liberally). It was connected to literature, but it wasn’t academic-y, in the sense that I needed to find someone else who decided, once upon a time, what would be “rulership,” etc., and my own observations could stand on their own – as just my own observations and opinions. Part of the magic of astrology and my current study and my practice in acupuncture is that no one knows where it came from – exactly. Yet, here it is, affecting people in their lives! Giving answers, when I believe there really are no definite answers…just a lot of speculation. But it still really gets things moving!!!

There were times when I thought: even if astrology has no objective meaning – people still make it so – astrology simply won’t go away! Now, everyone is indeed blogging, YouTubing, and communicating about it! I’ve had the luxury of watching astrology be “closeted” and my own self be in that astrology closet (my blog was about me coming out) – to shifting to becoming radically popular, and giving it far more power than it should have! I mean that – astrology is just astrology. It’s a mystery, mostly.

In the deeper areas of astrological community there is a lot of discussion and people making their cases, there’s camaraderie and there is difference of opinion. It’s not a fixed thing by any measure. Everyone’s lecture or class has a different spin.

Nevertheless, when Uranus entered Aries, that’s when I started my blog. I took an opinion, and I tried it on: astrology “produces” a good outcome, when used properly. I was ready, I thought, to come forward to some unknown public. I had reached a certain flavor in my own development. I had met with Saturn, and Saturn became my friend in my own life. I will continue to argue that Saturn is my friend. Astrologers are all different – Thank Goddess/God, thank the atheists, thank thankfulness itself!

But let’s face it, astrology requires time, analysis, and a certain caliber of thought, “presence,” as does all writing, and definitely computer programming (which was a random comment just to add for those who like code, and like to make something with it! It’s because of computer programming that I even found astrology at such a young age -and my S. Node/Ascendant in Aquarius).

I started to feel like with my growing schedule in different and yet still remotely connected fields of interest (and career) that I could tie it all together as I went. But, I couldn’t, I’ll tell you why, below. I was/am changing, is the short answer. Also, I added more activities into my life which are equally important to me.

What I learned, for my blog, was that I wanted to write poetry, instead. I found that “getting my head out of the equation” was far more self-compassionate on a daily basis. Which is also why the blog was initially also focused on meditation. Meditation is sort of the antidote for astrology. It still is.

None of what I said here changes my respect for the trade and practice of astrology, however. I just don’t think questions like “What’s going on in my chart making me feel this way?” “Will I find a lover?” “What should I do with my life?” were interesting enough questions for me, personally, to keep practicing with clients.  The questions were too general, and I needed to learn more astrology. I had already answered the questions to the best of my ability, in my own life, for me. Of course, I do still work through transits, and confusion, and a whole host of my own visiting demons. Also, through my practice with meditation, I became less interested in ‘personality’ questions, and my interest in psychology even fell away (except the transpersonal brand). I didn’t want to tell someone who their chart, based on astrology, said they ought to be. I wanted to show them how to transcend who they think they are. Hah, but I’ve been busy working on myself – purely, from that angle.

How’s it working out?  I enjoy life, all the good and the bad, the ups and the downs of self-development. It is also very tiring.

A couple of weeks ago I met with a dear friend that I don’t get to see very often. She’s the president of our local astrology club and in my opinion, “a big name” in astrology (will be at the speaking at the Chicago conference for the second time), though I didn’t know her before I met her and she welcomed me to the club. She doesn’t consider herself to be a big shot, even though she is a Leo. Go figure. I’m a Leo. We also have the same nodes, but I am of the following nodal generation – nevertheless, we share the same nodal return. We have a natural connection, our Venuses are in conjunction.  We have both been bloggers and astrologers before we met. I met her before she was the president of course, and have been too busy to participate very actively in my group with my endeavors that began roughly around the same time.

My point, is, that even while in flux:

I do want to be able to express myself without fear on my own blog– I have no interest in wielding any authority or having any power over others. None. Just myself. Every day, in the way I face my day. This alone, for me, requires a lot of courage. I am a work in progress, and this is my marriage to life, to my career, and to my place in community. I may always be a shifting face –  a part-time hermit, to somebody, or to some group—but I think that whatever I appear like – is other people’s problem (or the group’s problem), and no longer my own. I like to switch it up. I am a work in progress, just like the precession of the equinoxes, and globalization. Even in the acupuncture field, there’s a huge push to modernize (or match with the dominant culture), become more like “biomedicine.” Every word is actually a misnomer, by the way. This shift began in just a couple of years to really show itself, but the feature has been in the works for much longer. In astrology, I see the shift towards Vedic and sidereal zodiac happening – at least in my world, but I’ve been around long enough to see the pendulum swing in both directions. Regardless, I guess it all depends on where we are in life, and who is in our life influencing us – and what principles they want to use to back up their advice/guidance. What do the statistics say? Astrology has had an odd relationship with statistics and influence. Look at the Gauguelin Controversy.

No doubt, despite all this headiness and the time-consuming process of sorting data and analyzing and thinking to present cases to others, we still manage to influence others, just by breathing, and for no good reason! Thoughts about facts are not required for breathing.

I think the scariest thing in life is that we do affect things and people, plants and animals – every day.

But, here’s the thing. It’s all about the people and the love. I am falling more and more in love with everyone, and that stretches me and that also shows me when I dance back into myself, that I am really a part of things! Like the hugs at school and with friends, and in my astrology club, and while I work in the clinic, or when I am acting as a Reiki teacher, or journeying as a Shamanic practitioner, and everywhere else I show up in a role these days, or with a different group. It’s being a part of things, and the role doesn’t matter, nor does the group. Most of the time I am in the audience (comfort zone), fearing the stage. What? I have readers? You got to be kidding me…  ::bites nails:: I am never prepared for this, but without readers, I am not getting to “be me,” to actually grow and develop. I can’t thank you all enough – I really can’t. Thank you for being influenced, for reading, for commenting, for listening, reading, for thinking *with me.*

Final quick mention of astro (for now): In Vedic astrology, I’m experiencing my Mercury mahadasha since February 17, 2017. In Western Tropical astrology, Uranus entered my 3rd house a couple of days ago. Astrologers who read my blog will understand this: the roads are getting worked on here, for sure –metaphorically and literally.

Astrology works, but it’s not about the opinions, and it’s not about the roles; It’s not even about the interpretations!!! its about the people and about something amazing and miraculous – in this relationship with the stars, as we see them. It’s about how consciousness is so amazing and unpredictable! Meanwhile, we see evidence that there’s deep organization and possibly even intelligence at work (without our really “getting it”)! It’s nothing shy of miraculous. A classmate of mine just ran a marathon while pregnant. I asked her if she would suggest to anyone else to do this – she said, “heck no! – it was stupid.” So I asked, why did you do it? She said, “Well, I already signed up for it!”

 

Whale’s Baleen

Swimming in the sea of me
a magnificent light occurs-
i see it in the hoops and boops
and in the shimmering of days
swimming,

having fun.

my gills opening and closing
as i glide along.

though i swim in circles
i am creating an eddy –
a deep spiral,
that radiates with life.

there are sparkling lifeforms and
the darkness lurks
in my magical kingdom,

where i rule,
with Poseidon.

somedays i pretend to be
plankton and ride on the surface of
the water, moving not at all.

other times I channel into the
krill, and sift through the baleen of
the whale.

Ka Malana © 2017
**wishing everyone a wonderful New Moon in Cancer, and a Happy Summer Solstice**

Sponge

Inside myself I want to open
all the tiny windows
and let out all atoms of information,
spiraling in both directions.

Inside myself, when I want
to pinch shut, or burst forth,
I want to instead respirate with a million
ventilations.

If I could be a mushroom with
gills, and with fungi prints,
or a tree frog that sits beside
you. If I could just keep you company;
I would not bite.

Inside myself, I have little air packets
and hollowed out canals. I am airborne,
sometimes.

There’s are things I wish I could be,
and then, there are things I really am, if you
let me.
Millions of tiny hugs, little blood vessels,
saying ‘aaaahhhh’

Tomorrow might be stressful, but right now is not.
Let me love you like a peristalsis hug.

I am your body. I am mostly made of
space.

Smile :) Inspiration

Smile,

The moon high up upon heaven
Lights devotee’s path
A globe of knowing reflection
Faceless opening, light upon light
Sets the gentle night

Full moon,
Your edges are already rounded
Your brightness leaks
into the black-blue sky
lighting the path for crickets
People gaze up at you and point, Look!
while taking out their trash

*Please see the above link. It’s a beautiful song written and sung by a woman who, in the process of her musical training, went deaf due to a connective tissue disorder.

full_moon_view_from_munich_germany *this photo is not one of my own its from wikicommons, a free media stock photo.