This is more of a “coffee chat” blog post. Although I have not tried to write in that style per se. There’s a blog share that I often read with the topic of the “coffee chat” but I’ve never tracked back to who hosts it. Well, it’s not the time to do that now because I’m just flowing…
Tonight it occurred to me that I have a pile of letters that I wrote to my grandmother while I was growing up. In 2020 when she passed away at the age of 99, and maybe a year later, I received the letters back.
I put them inside of a drawer without a deeper thought than, “woah” as I bumped up against versions of my former self I wasn’t quite ready to visit, yet.
When the time is right, I’ll know. But it’s been at least over a year since I actually put the letters away in a drawer. Those juicy memories might all come flooding back. There might be uncomfortable memories…too…
And, then, there’s gonna be just a lot of emotions. So I am on ‘pause’ with it.
Has this ever happened to any of you? It feels like a treat, or a special pastry I’ll be able to enjoy at some point in my future once I get over whatever fears of triggered memories might be inside—or maybe just missing her and the past, and getting those strange glimpses into the past through a time capsule I hadn’t planned on stowing away for later opening? Sigh. When the time is right.
Astrological pairing:
Universal: Mercury (planet of communication) stationing Direct
Personal: Mercury is Stationing Direct in my 1st house (4 house from my 10th house —father’s mother), conjoining my natal Neptune, which is currently still transiting my 1st house (which relates back to paternal grandmother). The fact that it’s in Pisces ♓️ shares a little bit about dreams and ideals, and maybe I just convinced myself to get to reading those letters sooner than later. Or start with one a week or something, so I don’t get overwhelmed (Pisces). Natal Neptune is in Sagittarius, so it’s likely I will be inspired by the letters and the topic will probably be about traveling the most of all.
Fiesta Estrellas 
Those time capsules are amazing things Ka. They touch us in so many ways, some surprising, some lovingly…but all showing us…us. A beautiful thing, almost like she is still speaking to you…in what you spoke of to her from so long ago. Great share kind lady, may it ever show the beauty in that ‘chat’ 😀❤️🙏
It’s pretty exciting when we rediscover evidence of our pasts that we had lost track of. Yes, I miss her. I always thought of her and kept her included in my life. 🩷
Your post reminds me of revisiting the few entities I made in my diaries over the years. I tend to rip out the pages and disposed of them.
Wonderful! I hope you love doing this. My follow-through (with the letters) is probably gonna improve because I wrote about it here. It’s exciting, (and makes me a little bit nervous 😬) as we grow a lot… witnessing that growth can be surprising and recalibrating. I have digital journal I keep and I often don’t get the time to “look back.” Ironically I’ve been planning my 2024 since September 2023 and now maybe I’d like to spend a wee little bit of time looking back, without getting lost there. lol 😆
Things just keep moving along Ka. For instance Mercury has gone direct.
It might remain in it’s retrograde zone for a while. Of coarse other matters
will always effect you. Slow deep breathing. We have a whole new year
dear heart. hugs, Eddie
The pace for the events in my life are moving fast. Mercury ends the Post-Shadow on January 21 at approx. 4:02 am Unversal Time, January 20 at approx. 11:02 pm EST and 8:02 pm PST per the internet from an ephemeris originally. Thank you for the hugs. So. much. 🙂 Also the reminder for the deep breath. I am.
You’ve reminded me about plenty over the years Ka
❤ Love yah, Eddie. I love that we have connected over these years, and I look forward to many, many more.
Here to dear heart
I do the same with some things that are too much in the moment.
You understand 🙂
Well I had a very busy and productive day, but only a few of the things on my detailed and outlined todo list were accomplished. So these items will be linked on for tomorrow.
Yes, Brad. Also, I think we like to make extra space for special things like opening letters!! 🤗 🩷
I’m glad you’re being gentle with yourself and following your guidance. 💖
Those letters will be fun to read, Ka. My grandmother saved my letters (a sign of the times before email when letter writing was a thing) and I received them when she died. They were quite old, written when I was quite young, and reading them was a little shocking. I was so naive, thinking I was so wise. Lol. I hope you read yours and remember all the love and kindness that flowed between you, as I’m sure it did. Hugs, my friend.
Yes, it is a sign of the times, Diana. How peculiar how we live now with so many rapid changes. For me these letters will probably be from when I was moved away, so maybe teen and early (first college) student. I wonder if mine will be shocking. I never think i am wise, except when i do. So, haha…. we shall see what enlightens me further more! That love, yes. It’s like, a missed thing–even though its never left. I know i will experience it deeper after reading (during reading?) Can it be before? That’s a rhetorical question. Thank you ever so much for the hugs. Needed them. Still do. Hah! ❤ Hugs back for you, too–and your grandmother. So beautiful, are letters…. They will always hold that power–the written word! xo
P.S. I think I will always be rebellious about the way I WANT to do grammar. You know, my grandmother was not a native English speaker? That's a whole other story…
This reminds me of finding something like 100 letters (I haven’t actually counted them) in my parent’s attic written to and from Vietnam in the late 1960s. It took me a few years to process them all and incorporate them into a family history novel for my kids. The letters are a valued treasure, and it was interesting to read about things (including my adolescent self) from their perspective, but the emotions were overwhelming at times, and I had to take long breaks. I know you will take all the time you need for your treasure.
I love how I followed you through this journey. I love that we are reminiscing about it now, together. ❤
❤ ❤ ❤
Those letters will be interesting to read, surely a mini time capsule of past memories and moments lived. And, as you say, when the time is right. 🙂
HI Ka. I loved your coffee post, just sharing what’s going on in your head. Believe me, I know your apprehension well. I have a very rough draft of a book on grief I’m writing. I wrote much of it as my husband was dying, most in the wee hours of the night. I thought I might polish and publish it in 2023 but was and am far from ready to begin reliving it yet. Your grandma’s letters are resting peacefully and you will know when the time is right to revisit. Hugs my friend ❤ (now off to battle WP again to get this comment up!)
Thank you so much, Debbie! I’m sorry for my delayed response. I got sort of gobsmacked with an interested cold/sickness that I probably picked up from my 4 year old’s communities. That said, I also had visitors, and I really have a lot going on right now. I wanted you to know that your comment processed, but it was hard to get to the computer for anything other than necessity.
All that to create space to tenderly receive your reply: I’m going to love your book when it is ready. I think it will be the first one of yours that I read. I will hold it tenderly. I hope I can honor that, because life just keeps getting busier– but it’s definitely in my heart. What a love. When it’s ready, it’s ready. You are right about the resting peacefully. It’s giving me more to consider and be gentle with. Gentleness is what maybe a lot of us need so much more of. ❤ Hugs
Thanks so much Ka. But really, no need to apologize. We all have ‘stuff’. We get there when we get there. And thank you for the kind and inspiring words. Hugs ❤ xx
❤ xx
🤍🤍
Thank you. Received.
I understand what you are going through , Ka. There is an urgency to know, to read and then you keep putting it off .. too many memories.. this is a bitter sweet feeling .. you hold on yet you want to let go but you can’t because it’s a part of you, the pain and the joy , it’s all intertwined .. a feeling of loss is there but there are moments that make this loss bearable. Those are your special memories. Hang in there dearest 😘🤗
Thank you! 🙏🏼
Pleasure 🙏
Can’t wait to read your new poems!!!
🙏😘
Oh, Wow, Ka! I get it…so totally get it! I am involved in a program right now that has me going back and pulling things out of the past. I pick them up, turn them over and over, look for a lesson and then offer them release. It has been the hardest…and yet most incredible experience. I have had some super revelations about my past and the things I needed to think, do, be, to make it through different parts of my life.
You will know when the time is right…and you will read those letters with love in your heart and support from your grandmother.
Time marches on and before we know it, your child will turn 43 at the end of the month! Yes…that would be me! How is that possible??? It’s all good. I always swore that I would not age gracefully, but then I realized how much pain that would cause. So here I am, gracefully watching as the lines on my face seem to have babies overnight!!
It’s all good…ALL OF IT!!
Sending love…and hoping you feel better. And I’m really excited to learn more about the business!! ❤ ❤
Lorrie there are so many ways in which we are aligned! Thank you for your message. Haha. So much to say but I wanted to add this and then you and I can continue our on-going conservation another time (hopefully in person soon!). When my baby planted her first baby, aka sweat pea plant… I was clapping 👏 for that flow of energy down the line. Yes time is flying faster than anything. Also I am feeling a lot better, and the self care is always a balancing act. Right now I am gaining additional certification using acupuncture for facial rejuvenation. So yes… I see more lines on my face in the last 2 years than ever before!! Yes can’t wait to share about the business excitement! Hugs and love! Ka
I hear everything you say, Ka! And can’t wait to have more conversations with you. Wow…acupuncture for facial rejuvenation!! And yes…so funny I would talk about the lines on my face!!
Wishing you much understanding and success. Keep on your path…I can hear how excited you are and that tells me that you are on the right path…following your passion…and that is always good!!
Sending lots of love ❤