Opening to green

It’s birthday time.

and, I’ve been lighting candles

with fervor

burning away what is not working

illuminating the path, to show me the way.

in response, perhaps, the years have been softening me

though, I have not directly asked for that ~

showing me, in all my wrongness, there’s one thing I have right:

my love.

my growing capacity to love.

personal love,

impersonal love,

love of thyself

love of the moment

love of fleeting passion present

love that burns through time and space, with such eternity

knowing no end can ever come of it, because it would only do it to itself, and it really wouldn’t, because it’s matured.

This is my communion, my continuity, my flame for this life. This is my time, and this is its purpose.

and, I am so sincerely present.

without a doubt, I’ve never hidden under a basket.

nor behind a cloak.

I have been the bare me all along.

I have born myself of raw flesh and spirals

I have broken skin and wishes and daydreams.

My knees have been skinned on so many near-almosts…

…absolute misses…

while

Going for it, going for it all.

and there is never a guarantee in the program

the program is not built for guarantees. The whole thing is based on risks and risk assessments.

They say that only the courageous or the stupid put it all out there.

how about the one who knows

that there’s nothing else that’s worth it. Holding back is actually the norm.

and the more i can dig in, this year and next year, and maybe more years after that,

the more dirt under my nails, the more fires smoking in my eyes, the more the holy reckoning,

the more moments of absolute REST after the sheer ‘enoughness’ of my irrevocable ALL

I know I’m living.

I’m doing it.

HBD to me.

🎉

and if I should part before too soon

or even near soon at all,

I shall know that what I’ve done here,

is really, really lived.