Benison: Shells are for Growing in.

When we try to “do it all” we grow more, so that we can do more. I’ve spent most of my life outside of my comfort zone. I write publicly, I published a personal book of poetry, which is still available for purchase here. You can buy it, read it, and add your own review. I’ve studied anthropology to learn about different cultures, so that I could make sense of peace and how and why sometimes it doesn’t happen. I’ve traveled to places where I didn’t feel comfortable. I’ve moved a lot, and sometimes into situations that didn’t feel comfortable. I’ve somehow managed to survive discomfort.

Here’s what’s what:

I’m not going to let go of my blog, because I can’t reciprocate by visiting all of your blogs, and showing my interest (even though I am interested!); but in the spirit of the season, I’ve had some sniffles and some aches, and I’m letting go of all of that which does not serve me. I’ve had to miss class for the first time. So, what is happening, is that I’m graduating into a more realistic version of myself – here’s what I can do, and let it be for me, what I can do for me. Because without ‘me,’ I am no good for anybody.

That said, I titled my picture below: “Shells are for Growing In”


I earned my shell, as much as my wings.

Using bibliomancy, I opened up 2 days ago, to this particularly apt passage from my favorite Rumi book, gifted to me from an old friend who “left my current reality” years ago, when he became a Buddhist monk. My friend and I shared a close friendship, and right when he was at the gateway to his “new life,” he turned back to me and said to me in a letter, “Thank you for encouraging me to follow my heart.” Greg L. Those words were the magic words that let me know: I had been doing a good job.

Happy Virgo New Moon- and now for RUMI, before I run off to do many more things, some things just unjoyful busywork, for now:

Dear Readers, collectively, thank you for encouraging me to follow my heart.

Without further ado, words from the ever popular and magnificent Rumi:


A human being being human, out of breath,
burns the strangers to ash,
and breathes deeper.

Completely gone, the new moon
is able then to become the new moon.

Autumn anger turns wistful in early spring.
Language-headaches smoothe their brows.

Let the military hero fight barehanded
with lions and elephants.

When you drift up, remember: Fold in on yourself
as clouds do to open downward
their water bags of rain.

Reflecting on Autumn’s Past

It’s the turn of the year again, soonish
and I’m anticipating another very busy schedule,
at least that’s what I’ve signed up for.

I still try to visit blogs as much as possible,
and will focus in on my current blogger book list.

Those that I’ve invested already in.

While I get things together at home, and find myself,
my attention is turned to this wonderful Virgo Sun.
She draws me back into my Earthly needs,
to soothe and to fix, to sort and to order.

Self-care and loving center hearth’s embrace.

Mr. Ka’s most repeated quote to say is, “After ecstasy, laundry.”
Mine is, “don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.”

Even after the epic eclipse period, we have a continued planetary presence of Sun and Mercury in Virgo with Mercury still retrograde, while Mars conjoins the North node in Leo. Mars has featured very strongly in this recent time period, and as we look inwardly to where we can make the difference in our own lives, and bring about our greatest active compassion closest to home, we can learn a lot from these transits, while also keeping some forward gaze, realizing that the planetary weather, is just weather, and there’s certainly been a bit of planetary “hot air” 😉

Here’s a collection of photos from our Autumn’s past, all photos by me, except for the one of me. Courtesy of Mr. Ka ❤
mossy heart.jpg


Productive Learning Process: The Urban Garden

I managed to get a picture of our green peppers which grew on our TowerGarden. Once again, I am surprised by their size, and the quality of their taste – but most surprised that they didn’t end up reaching this stage until I was ignoring my garden for a while. Cultivation sometimes requires leaving things […]

via Our Green Peppers — Urban Towergarden

The Seven Requirements Of Love ~By Andrew Harvey

I absolutely loved this post! I agree with it. My reading list expands again. I’ll want to seek out the whole book. Meanwhile, I’ve been moving slowly through my current text, “In Search of the Medicine Buddha” by David Crow. I have a couple of bloggers books in queue after that, but I haven’t been reading as quickly as I was a few weeks ago. I notice that during Mercury retrograde I often extrovert, (as an extroverting introvert). Also tend to communicate more that I don’t feel is “ready,” to share but, it’s an energy release. It’s awkward to talk about oneself, even if I do it, anyways. I’m simply emptying for tonight’s sound journey! Be fearless, my friends! I saw Spain’s response to the recent terror attacks, “I am not afraid!” This gives me chills – this is the heart of Leo archetype. They makes me emboldened.

Evolutionary_Mystic Post

Image: Tomasz Alen Kopera

How to Develop an Evolutionary Relationship

It is critical to remember that this crisis we are facing is a crisis in which the sacred powers of love in the human soul are being diverted by distraction, by greed, by ignorance, by the pursuit of power, so that they never irrigate the world and transform it. What is needed is a vision of evolutionary relationship as a relationship that helps us come into the real, take responsibility for it, and enact our sacred purpose with a partner, and for the world: when two lovers come together in this dynamic love consciousness, they create a transformative field of sacred energy, from which both can feed to inspire their work in reality.

There are seven requirements necessary for evolutionary love to emerge in the world.
There are seven requirements necessary, I believe, for this tremendously potent vision of evolutionary…

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A Candle for Peace, Dragonflies


Neither of the photos in this post were taken by me, these are open source stock photos. I haven’t been able to get to my photography love in a while. I’m barely catching up with where I left off with ‘my’ astrology, and all the people in my worlds, and my inner being.

I’m devastated by what has been happening. I’m not going to go into it at this time. I’m also experiencing a lot of growth and peace and a lot of connectivity – I’m on break, so I have the time to schedule and block out appointment time with friends, and for myself.

Two days ago, the green space in front of my house was filled with at least 50 dragon flies. I’d say that’s highly symbolic for eclipse time. A time of great change (every 6 months), but this viewable – in the United States –  ‘total’ eclipse is more intriguing to people; and therefore, there’s a lot more interest and energy going on ‘about’ it, and well, into it.

Dragonfly Symbolism


RE-Blog of Full Moon in Capricorn Post, 2014, 7-12

As I have been attempting to sort out my computer and clean out a number of things in my downloads folder, I came across this post that I had written, here, on my hard-drive. Fortunately since it is here on WP, I can delete it from my hard-drive. This is the best way that I know to “utilize” Mercury retrograde (clean and review) and mostly it has just come up naturally to use this time as such — years of practice, I guess, when it’s convenient.

I can basically be not looking at an ephemeris and have my head in the sand, and still get my universe’s memo. Interesting to note in one of my comment replies on this older blog post from 2014, I mentioned that I interpret Saturn as in my 7th house. It all depends on the house system one uses. However, I have been interpreting Saturn in my 8th house, and tending more to Koch rather than Placidus systems as of recent years, more definitively. It’s on the house cusp, which often astrologers will interpret for that house because the idea is that energy falls away from the house “angles.” All of this is why over the years, I’ve sought to interpret my astrology readings based on ‘experience’ as the clarifying factor. Meaning, ‘what actually happens.’

It’s also reasonable to consider an experience that fluctuates based on transiting aspects, progressions, etc.

The really interesting point about finding this particular document, and the reblog, is that I have been contemplating the Saturn/Pluto conjunction on January 12, 2020 at the end of the second decan of Capricorn. Having my nodes there (trine in aspect – to Leo II) recently activated at the lunar eclipse on August 7th. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes forth -it’s likely to be related to this August 7th lunar eclipse and my natal nodes, as this will also be strongly activated with the Stellium that forms in Capricorn around the conjunction and new beginning for Saturn/Pluto. Times sure are interesting. This August 21st eclipse is at the end of the 3rd decan of Leo. Fortunately I can use my S.Node in Aquarius skills to detach from the current fray and my N. Node in Leo to focus on what’s coming on the horizon for myself. In the center of the astrological wheel, of course, is Earth, or the integrated being (hub of the wheel).

The original or alternative version of this post, written but not published in 2014, is now included after the published re-blog post (after the asterisks). Boy, that just sounds confusing!

Fiesta Estrellas



Moon loosely conjunct Pluto ~8 degree orb

Sun loosely conjunct Jupiter ~9 degree orb

Jupiter @ 29 degrees Cancer and about to ingress (enter) Leo.

Active grand cross in Cardinal signs


My contemplation lately, my personal journal, and my astrological reading for the ‘Full Moon’ in Capricorn has been centered around this idea of “discipline.”

What is discipline other than to “show up” for what you signed up for? Stick-to-it-iveness. I mean to be really ‘present’ with your goals, devoted. I’m sure this thought of mine evokes some of your own thoughts. I do hope you will share them below.

I think discipline is also based on the word “disciple.” One acts as a devotee to something, even if nothing but to the process itself – the inner development. In other words, I think of discipline as being devoted to the process of self-development, relationship development…

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Courageous living, Solar Eclipse

There is no outward representation for peace.
we can look to examples all around us,
and while there might be evidence of the opposite,
the creator force inside us

if we shine our attention on It,

can motivate us to rise out of bed,
can motivate us
to face injustice,
can help us hold our core values
within our hearts,

despite what is happening –

though I do think this is not easy
all the time, and therefore, like holding oneself
by virtue of the muscles of ones own legs,

one needs to rest from time to time
in the center of one’s own being

for a while,
for renewal and for strengthening.

Inside us is the whole peace ensemble.

Inside us is the access to trust,
Inside us is the fuel for living through –
and beyond the terrible rage that threatens with violence,

which is only the weather –
that must pass,
for it cannot stay forever.

#ShePersisted – was inspired by…

Recently I made a new blogger friend: Louise Gallagher. Her website is called, “Dare Boldly.” Please check out the link below that will take you to her artwork.

I will be away from my blogging helm for a short while to attend to celebrations and the finishing up of seasonal demands. Here’s a poem that I wrote, inspired by Louise’s post: #ShePersisted, where she references what has inspired her. Louise has some TED Talks, and immediately I recognized her as a kindred spirit. What follows is my poem, then her link. Remember to check out her artwork, and for those inclined/able, go visit her.

“For women”

For women,
we are women
born in these bodies

of fruit,
to become fruit

made of ‘he’
and she

protagonists in our
own stories

while the ones we read
as children, we were
the sidekicks,
the silent strength.

not a bad role.

in heroic stories –
i always identified as ‘he’

now we have
wonder woman.

and she showed up, why?
because of us.

because, we said: I need
a character, with strength
and beauty, and she will
represent these “masculine” – feminine
graces –

she will get the work done!
she will overcome evil.
she is mighty.

©2017 Ka Malana


Source: #ShePersisted


‘Living the dream’ is something that most of
us do, every day. We just don’t know it.
Somewhere, someone has the dream that we are living in,
carrying out. We live their dream.

right now.

That is the infinite possibility in life, all the
different moments, styles, ways of being
havings and not-havings
feelings and not-feelings
believings and not-believings

living in a home and living in someone else’s home,
or not living in any home, or moving to the end-of-the-road home.

Some need work, food, shelter, friendships
but they have self-respect, dignity, and inner peace.

Some people love their pain, and clutch to it like it is their
teddy bear – the last thing that protects them.

things are never as they seem. i don’t blame anyone for
using whatever they have to protect themselves from injury.

Some are retired, some forced to take time off for their
health – others long for a vacation – freedom in their brain,
or from thinking about what their work forces them to think about, or do.

Some want to continue their education, and others, are tired,
overwhelmed and overworked in the same setting, never quite
“getting there yet,” but getting shown more techniques, more ways-
despite that one, done right, is good enough.

Each of us is most likely living someone else’s dream – at least in part.
Or, we are even living our own
dreams from the past.

I think when we realize that –
it’s not a message about having gratitude, like another thing
to check off the list.

It’s a message that’s deeper. Somebody has body parts that hurt
while that same body has body parts that don’t hurt – and someone else
wishes they could be free from pain there.

Today, let’s just acknowledge that together we’ve all got it,
and that makes us all

on the same page.

We’ve got it all, and we are going to do something awesome with it.
It’s not someday – it’s right now. In the middle of the maelstrom.

That war zone that exists, I see it. And the thing that I’m going to do
about it, is be very good at being appreciative for not living in one.
And I’m going to keep doing my best, in the middle of the thick of my own busyness, and stress, to keep my eyes and ears open, above the water – seeing that

freedom is ours. We will make it ours. We will find it, and we will develop it.
Lovingly and kindly, and with compassion.

©2017 Ka Malana
All rights reserved

How Much?

How much do you identify
with your beliefs?
your thoughts?

When you label a thing, “that is ‘good'”
that is “bad”?
How much does this cost you?
By time?
A moment, or an eternity?

One wonders how we can be
in a state of not deciding, while
also very firmly placed on
the foundation of aliveness.

There is a way –

Close your eyes, and breathe
into your hands all the gifts you
are given, see them transforming
your mind, and turning it into
a beautiful branching, luminous crystal –

now sit back

and watch it grow, while deciding nothing,

and experiencing


©2017 Ka Malana

You go ahead and try

You go ahead and try –

to stop creation, !
she’s got kick and spunk,
she’s hyperaware !
keen vision of the mind and heart.
earthly, too.

green tendrils quickly unfurling,
spreading the land.

she’s thought of every move
you might make,
before you –
even felt the urge.
before you even noticed that there was
wind blowing,
and in what direction.

that woman has all the chutzpah
and the hardcore roots of new life inside
of her.

Are you kidding me?

Is she going to wait for a
bigger fish, to say,
“okay – your time has come, and I
give you permission to rock and roll,
go ahead, be your bad ass self?”

One day, you’ll deliver this thing, lady!

Girl, that baby is safe and secure.

She’s yours, forever. I am so glad that I had
the tiniest little, itty bitty role in your
major motion picture.


©2017 Ka Malana

Why I gave up writing about Astrology, for now.

When I started this blog (2011), astrology was the thing that was so consistent in my life; for better or for worse. There’s so much that I could have said about my relationship to the subject, and my passion for it, and my observations from about the age of 10 (mostly through software) and so on. It was the whole reason why I started a blog. I never even considered myself “a writer.” But in truth, my “beliefs” about astrology have always wavered.

There were times when the paradigms of interpretation didn’t work for me, so I resolved to learn it on my own terms: entirely experientially. From the very beginning, astrology for me was about “finding my own way” and not looking to someone else to interpret my life for me. It was about Freedom from people and their opinions. It was about connecting with my own sense of interpretation with the divine, not a religious thing in any way (except very liberally). It was connected to literature, but it wasn’t academic-y, in the sense that I needed to find someone else who decided, once upon a time, what would be “rulership,” etc., and my own observations could stand on their own – as just my own observations and opinions. Part of the magic of astrology and my current study and my practice in acupuncture is that no one knows where it came from – exactly. Yet, here it is, affecting people in their lives! Giving answers, when I believe there really are no definite answers…just a lot of speculation. But it still really gets things moving!!!

There were times when I thought: even if astrology has no objective meaning – people still make it so – astrology simply won’t go away! Now, everyone is indeed blogging, YouTubing, and communicating about it! I’ve had the luxury of watching astrology be “closeted” and my own self be in that astrology closet (my blog was about me coming out) – to shifting to becoming radically popular, and giving it far more power than it should have! I mean that – astrology is just astrology. It’s a mystery, mostly.

In the deeper areas of astrological community there is a lot of discussion and people making their cases, there’s camaraderie and there is difference of opinion. It’s not a fixed thing by any measure. Everyone’s lecture or class has a different spin.

Nevertheless, when Uranus entered Aries, that’s when I started my blog. I took an opinion, and I tried it on: astrology “produces” a good outcome, when used properly. I was ready, I thought, to come forward to some unknown public. I had reached a certain flavor in my own development. I had met with Saturn, and Saturn became my friend in my own life. I will continue to argue that Saturn is my friend. Astrologers are all different – Thank Goddess/God, thank the atheists, thank thankfulness itself!

But let’s face it, astrology requires time, analysis, and a certain caliber of thought, “presence,” as does all writing, and definitely computer programming (which was a random comment just to add for those who like code, and like to make something with it! It’s because of computer programming that I even found astrology at such a young age -and my S. Node/Ascendant in Aquarius).

I started to feel like with my growing schedule in different and yet still remotely connected fields of interest (and career) that I could tie it all together as I went. But, I couldn’t, I’ll tell you why, below. I was/am changing, is the short answer. Also, I added more activities into my life which are equally important to me.

What I learned, for my blog, was that I wanted to write poetry, instead. I found that “getting my head out of the equation” was far more self-compassionate on a daily basis. Which is also why the blog was initially also focused on meditation. Meditation is sort of the antidote for astrology. It still is.

None of what I said here changes my respect for the trade and practice of astrology, however. I just don’t think questions like “What’s going on in my chart making me feel this way?” “Will I find a lover?” “What should I do with my life?” were interesting enough questions for me, personally, to keep practicing with clients.  The questions were too general, and I needed to learn more astrology. I had already answered the questions to the best of my ability, in my own life, for me. Of course, I do still work through transits, and confusion, and a whole host of my own visiting demons. Also, through my practice with meditation, I became less interested in ‘personality’ questions, and my interest in psychology even fell away (except the transpersonal brand). I didn’t want to tell someone who their chart, based on astrology, said they ought to be. I wanted to show them how to transcend who they think they are. Hah, but I’ve been busy working on myself – purely, from that angle.

How’s it working out?  I enjoy life, all the good and the bad, the ups and the downs of self-development. It is also very tiring.

A couple of weeks ago I met with a dear friend that I don’t get to see very often. She’s the president of our local astrology club and in my opinion, “a big name” in astrology (will be at the speaking at the Chicago conference for the second time), though I didn’t know her before I met her and she welcomed me to the club. She doesn’t consider herself to be a big shot, even though she is a Leo. Go figure. I’m a Leo. We also have the same nodes, but I am of the following nodal generation – nevertheless, we share the same nodal return. We have a natural connection, our Venuses are in conjunction.  We have both been bloggers and astrologers before we met. I met her before she was the president of course, and have been too busy to participate very actively in my group with my endeavors that began roughly around the same time.

My point, is, that even while in flux:

I do want to be able to express myself without fear on my own blog– I have no interest in wielding any authority or having any power over others. None. Just myself. Every day, in the way I face my day. This alone, for me, requires a lot of courage. I am a work in progress, and this is my marriage to life, to my career, and to my place in community. I may always be a shifting face –  a part-time hermit, to somebody, or to some group—but I think that whatever I appear like – is other people’s problem (or the group’s problem), and no longer my own. I like to switch it up. I am a work in progress, just like the precession of the equinoxes, and globalization. Even in the acupuncture field, there’s a huge push to modernize (or match with the dominant culture), become more like “biomedicine.” Every word is actually a misnomer, by the way. This shift began in just a couple of years to really show itself, but the feature has been in the works for much longer. In astrology, I see the shift towards Vedic and sidereal zodiac happening – at least in my world, but I’ve been around long enough to see the pendulum swing in both directions. Regardless, I guess it all depends on where we are in life, and who is in our life influencing us – and what principles they want to use to back up their advice/guidance. What do the statistics say? Astrology has had an odd relationship with statistics and influence. Look at the Gauguelin Controversy.

No doubt, despite all this headiness and the time-consuming process of sorting data and analyzing and thinking to present cases to others, we still manage to influence others, just by breathing, and for no good reason! Thoughts about facts are not required for breathing.

I think the scariest thing in life is that we do affect things and people, plants and animals – every day.

But, here’s the thing. It’s all about the people and the love. I am falling more and more in love with everyone, and that stretches me and that also shows me when I dance back into myself, that I am really a part of things! Like the hugs at school and with friends, and in my astrology club, and while I work in the clinic, or when I am acting as a Reiki teacher, or journeying as a Shamanic practitioner, and everywhere else I show up in a role these days, or with a different group. It’s being a part of things, and the role doesn’t matter, nor does the group. Most of the time I am in the audience (comfort zone), fearing the stage. What? I have readers? You got to be kidding me…  ::bites nails:: I am never prepared for this, but without readers, I am not getting to “be me,” to actually grow and develop. I can’t thank you all enough – I really can’t. Thank you for being influenced, for reading, for commenting, for listening, reading, for thinking *with me.*

Final quick mention of astro (for now): In Vedic astrology, I’m experiencing my Mercury mahadasha since February 17, 2017. In Western Tropical astrology, Uranus entered my 3rd house a couple of days ago. Astrologers who read my blog will understand this: the roads are getting worked on here, for sure –metaphorically and literally.

Astrology works, but it’s not about the opinions, and it’s not about the roles; It’s not even about the interpretations!!! its about the people and about something amazing and miraculous – in this relationship with the stars, as we see them. It’s about how consciousness is so amazing and unpredictable! Meanwhile, we see evidence that there’s deep organization and possibly even intelligence at work (without our really “getting it”)! It’s nothing shy of miraculous. A classmate of mine just ran a marathon while pregnant. I asked her if she would suggest to anyone else to do this – she said, “heck no! – it was stupid.” So I asked, why did you do it? She said, “Well, I already signed up for it!”


Whale’s Baleen

Swimming in the sea of me
a magnificent light occurs-
i see it in the hoops and boops
and in the shimmering of days

having fun.

my gills opening and closing
as i glide along.

though i swim in circles
i am creating an eddy –
a deep spiral,
that radiates with life.

there are sparkling lifeforms and
the darkness lurks
in my magical kingdom,

where i rule,
with Poseidon.

somedays i pretend to be
plankton and ride on the surface of
the water, moving not at all.

other times I channel into the
krill, and sift through the baleen of
the whale.

Ka Malana © 2017
**wishing everyone a wonderful New Moon in Cancer, and a Happy Summer Solstice**


Inside myself I want to open
all the tiny windows
and let out all atoms of information,
spiraling in both directions.

Inside myself, when I want
to pinch shut, or burst forth,
I want to instead respirate with a million

If I could be a mushroom with
gills, and with fungi prints,
or a tree frog that sits beside
you. If I could just keep you company;
I would not bite.

Inside myself, I have little air packets
and hollowed out canals. I am airborne,

There’s are things I wish I could be,
and then, there are things I really am, if you
let me.
Millions of tiny hugs, little blood vessels,
saying ‘aaaahhhh’

Tomorrow might be stressful, but right now is not.
Let me love you like a peristalsis hug.

I am your body. I am mostly made of