takes a lot of energy
to maintain the light
under the hood

to keep the engine ready
for that moment it gets
more gas,

finally?

all might come and go so quickly
synching things up
is more of an exploration
in the tangled woodsy mix
of the dead and new leaves and
branches twisted
than a showcase for display
at an art venue where art
tries to be nature,
but is human-filtered,

anyways

in this gallery,
you can hunt and peck for
what you like–
please, find ‘something’
that you like.

does it sparkle?
or do you prefer the neglected?

we have both for sale!

wait don’t walk away
we are just getting warmed up
one minute at a time,
a couple of minutes a day,

potentially more often
than i signed up for.

who are you? but me…
waiting to be set free,
knowing you already are free
so just be.

don’t go.
don’t hide.

the best is always yet to come!

This is….

FUN.

A dragon? A mountain?

Who cares- it took less than two minutes?

I’m not daunted…

I will continue on.

These are washable kids paints. It’s taking more time to post this than it did to make it. These were my favorite colors when I was a child, but at some point the yellow dropped out as a favorite color. Today I honor that yellow that “dropped out.”

There was a time once when I wouldn’t share this. But I am, because it’s a thing to do. I promised myself I’d spend at least 10 min a week doing something with line and color, no matter how far away I am from being inspired to do so, and no matter how much I’m not good at it anymore. See Janet Weight Reed for inspiration.

There are many disciplines like this that I have been developing. I am also reading an Og Mandino book “The Greatest Salesman.” It’s a series of scrolls that each have to be read for 30 days. I am on scroll 1, day 2.

A patient of mine came in with the book last week, and I had the perfect book recommendation for him. This was the book the patient had just finished. He casually showed me. I immediately knew this book was on my “sign up” list.

This image looks less like a glass and more like one of those coil pots you make in kindergarten and then don’t know what to do with once your done, so you give it to your mom to cherish.

I immediately ran out of the light blue color. It’s an electrolyte drink (no sugar) very good-great for hydrating yourself. Electrolytes are so important for me. My blog is never to be used to diagnose or for any information about healthcare. It is only for entertainment purposes only.

don’t underestimate yourself

once you cross that line
in that sand of trials
you build momemtum
and when that happens,
nothing can pause you for too long

nothing can stop you

you know yourself
you are clear

it’s in your breath,
it’s in your training

you know how to count in the only
way that matters to you.

you know what you did before,
and keep watching yourself
transcend where you were.

all your energy is working for you,
no distractions
oneness in body, mind,
and soul.

close your eyes and just imagine
this is your new beginning,
and it has all your past practice,
with the joy of discovery

you are really on your path
see your feet on the ground
feel the wind in your hair
run for fun.

dance with freedom in your lungs!

****
corresponding to the New Moon in Aquarius

no where near my birthday now,
steady on the end of current age-platform
this juicy decade gave way
to a certain level of clarity
that the 20s could not provide

and it took me into a deeper experience, than my 20s world travel
would, when i was across the world after 911, and during it, before
globalism became what it is today.

in my earliest years a
philosophical child,
my father explained death,
i was 3. he says he remembers my
face.

“really? you mean everybody dies?”

i lived in questioning – a strong muscle made from previous starry lives.

seeing this face in the candid photo
of my mind’s eye. seeing into past, present, and future.

now i am well-pondered, but don’t
have too many wrinkles, confirmed
by estheticians and medical assistants of skin care –

amused?! am i? there’s a lot of sleep i’ve missed thinking thoughts, places where wrinkles rolled and crimped and
limped, and wimpered.

now i regard time with a tentative eye–been in love with pattern and cycles and appreciating ephemeral
beauties.
lost friends to death, too early,
all unfair.

now youth is all i know, and better than ever. my 40s will likely be,
much younger than i’d ever have been
had i not lived deeply enough before them.

and evermore my memory restore
all that passed in the slips and dips
of the turns and spaces that burned.
i was accompanied by so much crap
i’ve shed. I’ve led a good life leaving behind. I’ve led myself out of the wilderness.

But in my 30s longer still, will fill this marvelous cavern of emptiness
that i am, until it brims over and replete with sparkles and tastes, and know that each moment, i have lived
with my senses, my body is my ally, my wonderful home, my poem.

I’m building beginning upon beginning
and growing more simple, cute and endearing. Love to you, my body, my friend–my accomplice! We have some wonderful adventures ahead! let’s enjoy this space we’ve created to play!

**
i just wanted to outwardly appreciate my youth in a way i couldn’t when i was young, acknowledging that I am still young enough, and growing truly younger. cheers for all the kiddos in the room!

First of all
I’m not gonna ever give up
I’m only going to get better

at the small things.

an entire life can be build
up proud, from the small.
do you know much of a difference
your commitment can make?

a commitment is for the small.
it means you aren’t expecting
any confetti to fly when you
do a thing.

it means, you forget about
reward, because the only
reward, the only real pay-off
is in the doing.

it doesn’t matter what time of
year it is,
or who’s in it with you.

**this was a draft that got published by accident. Too funny for me!

Every day is savored;
in its full mix
of babble and spitup
surprise smiles
and sitting up

the music is always on
the rain falls
out the window;
we hear it all

surround sound,

inside, it’s always warm
and we are learning
how to play more, live
more, roll on our bellies,
flip over and study our toys on
our backs

tasting so many new foods
as our brain cells ping
and our taste buds zing
and this is the life,

thee life!

it’s simple and always
available come rhyme or shine,
blowing raspberries and
tasting them too!

There may be no sense in attaching to one favorite card in the deck. This is also to say the same for the various conditions and circumstances of life.

There are a couple of things I want to discuss. First, this deck: the Wildwood Tarot is a newer deck of mine (even though I got it maybe last year but didn’t use it frequently) it replaces my very well-used deck that I had since I was a teenager, Tarot of the Spirit. I am not a person who has like 20-30 decks or more, like so many tarot card readers I know. At least now I am not. When I was pregnant, I literally cleared the decks and gave away my long time deck to another friend and shaman. Which brings me to another friend and shamanic healer who I was having lunch with and shared my deck. She was also looking for a deck to replace her main once since 1983. She recently decided on getting this Wild Wood Tarot deck and said I planted the seed because of the accuracy of my reading. I’m just very happy she got the deck and rekindled my enjoyment of tarot in the process. It’s nice to speak a common language with friends.

The card pictured above is like the Temperance card from the classic Rider Waite tarot deck. I received the Temperance card last night as “what I embrace in 2020” and I the Balance card pictured above, today. This repeat gesture from the universe followed after I had written to Karen from Shamanism and Healing blog. I’ll have to return to add the link. I wrote that I was sculpting the matter of my mind, non-dualistically, while emptying my thoughts. What I wrote is my experience that is being demonstrated by the cards, as the “universe.”

I have a fairly dualistic astrological natal chart. That is to say that the unaltered chart that was “cast” at the time of my birth, showed strong “opposing” energies. The goal of this chart would be to balance or to integrate any seeming dichotomies.

When I photographed my tarot card, I used a black and white background. Being intrigued as a child and in art with checker boards, chess boards and checkered floors, I’ve often been drawn to the juxtaposition of opposites. It’s the flavor of my character, perhaps, but deeply rooted in my consciousness is the desire to express a “and” and “both” existence, while experiencing and providing a sense of “wholeness” in my environment and for others.

For now, this is my favorite card, because it is calling to me deeply, and I’m grateful for its reflection. It brings up Indian Ida and Pingala and the caduceus as well as the foundation and structure for DNA and the formation of nucleic acids.

Thank you for reading!

Please stay close in the New Year! I know I have a lot of reading and catching up to do. You are all in my thoughts and I am so grateful for the times we spend together, at odd or irregular hours, or when consistency is even possible.

This has been such a special year transition for my family and I, and though I won’t post personal pictures due to safety and pragmatism, I wish to share my joy and writings with such an incredible group of bloggers! One of my previous posts had the comments restricted. By accident no comments were allowed. I created the blog post from my phone, but it seemed to default to no comments; however, that didn’t happen with a subsequent post. However, no one left a comment on that poem, which is okay. Going forward as time permits, I encourage your interaction with me.

So grateful am I for all the ways you already participate! Happy New Year! 2020. I hope to continue to keep bringing content in this space in the New Year: it has been so wonderful to develop with your presence. I also hope to return to astrology. I had been not using this space for astrology because there’s so much of it on the internet now. Finding my own contribution has been requiring me to be in more meditation and *away* from all that; however, I have many other focused goals at present. I still want to have my writing, astrology, and photography/art in the forum, so I’m asking myself: how might I incorporate it in? I want to do so in a non-time-intensive/sensitive way. That is not a pun. Astrology is not really about time, although it “seems” like is. The astrology that is focused on “time” isn’t even one I”believe in.” To me, it’s about having a fun practice and exploration into what arises. Also, this doesn’t require languaging, despite that so much of it is “interpretation.”

Please stay close, leave your comments. What are you most happy you left behind in 2019? What are your dreams? Talk to me. Listening to people talk about their dreams is wonderful; I’m an activator. Let me add my energy by reading.

Much peace and many blessings to you blog family!

This morning, I breathe.
i hear my belly flicker
like a candle.

like the one on my altar
illuminating all my work,
night and day

what’s manifesting in there?

knowing the universe will
deliver what’s inside.
knowing the universe is
like my input/output machine

where are my thoughts?

i’ve been germinating through
my seeds,
such an assortment,
seeing them spread out before me,
in a colorful array.

an arc,
like the sky’s gift on Christmas morning, presented a rainbow,
like the eclipse listened to me
and took a picture –
with its momentary wink,

ringing in the new decade
the next classy 20s act,
the best material is being
memorized by the cast

we are all character acting
and compelling. you believe us.
you believe in our dreams.

the best show is still in production
the sets were designed and constructed
this whole previous decade

and now the clock ticks on,
with each tick a new brilliant
thought, a dream, a breath…

tick tock….

the count, the flicker, the manifesting, the dreams.

I love the magic and mystery of the season – a season that reminds me of miracles and my place in them. At this time of year, I find myself wanting to be both present with my loved ones and meanwhile desirous to carve out a nook for contemplation.

This morning, on the first day of Winter, I find myself being with God. Which God? My pantheistic tendencies allow me to engage and interact with so many dynamic forms of god. For that, I am grateful. I’m not Jewish nor Christian, but I spent my early childhood with Christian mysticism and that followed me. I enjoy the richness of Kabbalah, and it’s led me. I’m not sure it’s the mystic path. Is it a pagan path, no, not entirely. Many would call it a name. I don’t want to. I found Taoism at 15, still a child, Taoism and literature was added into my “now-cauldron.” At 21, I traveled to India, was blessed by priests, and visited many countries as globalism was just being to explode; I added many other aspects and myths of many cultures to my then still younger pantheon through anthropology as my early undergraduate education. In my early 30s, I found Amma, Mooji, Gangaji and countless others. Each one who was there for me.

I find myself, today, seeking that unified voice of God, the one that isn’t a religious God – but I put the capital G because I am exploring this colloquial name, this non-gendered experience of “the one on the other end of a total transformation.” The one so preciously available at all times. The subjective-objective meeting point. The central one.

I enjoy my choices, as I know does God. Me choosing, playing, creating, being…

Finding the need and desire for my unique way of rejoicing, as I evolve myself in this body, is part of the fun of my life, and the life I Get to share with others. I’m embracing the God of my childhood, the one who was sometimes ‘there’ but often left me stranded. The one that seemed to morph at some point into a Sufi reflection, and now is just tenderly waiting for me to come back into union, to notice my self in her. To be one with me. The one who is always available for me.

Whatever faith or non-faith any of you, my dear readers practice, I wish you a very joyful time in your heart, even if you celebrate quietly or if it’s a roaring party for the next set of 20’s.

Thank you so much for being here!

May health, wealth, friendship, family, and contentedness be in store for us in 2020 – and miracles! Yes, miracles.

Oh, and 1 more important thing:
may we continue to improve ourselves so we can contribute to others, especially if that means: first we must care for ourselves.

we all have the ability
to become wounded,
healers

never noticed before
how chronic looks like
chiron besides the extra “c”

maybe Called, to service
as a way of remedying
the pain we haven’t “yet”
healed.

but aim to,

with the strength and aim
of a Cenataur.

offering true hope, instead of
false hope – as one who
truly knows what it’s
like

to walk the ever-crooked path,

…Hitched to a star ⭐️