Not a Computer Programmer; not a poem

There was a point along the timeline, almost 10 years ago now, when I realized that I might have it in me – the interest – to become a computer programmer. I also had enough intelligence to create a small calculator using java, the language – not the script. I got an A in my Master’s level intro class in programming (I was considering a Network Architecture degree), while I was also a full-time at a call-center for a top-of-the-line cellular phone company. I would fix problems for agents who were our sales force in the stores. I had access to the switch; and I was asked on several occasions to do special projects with user-testing for huge, new software interface roll-outs. This bothered me because I liked being “closer to the machine.” Machine language is simple. Though I did not use machine language, nor firmware. I did use software that was a bit closer to the database, requiring the most basic commands. It seems like software just keeps getting built outward, towards the user, with more tools, more “accessibility.” We all adapt to constant changes and improvements, because it’s supposedly adapting to us. This bothered me. This tempted me to start to feel like I want to build, in my own life, in the opposite direction. I wanted to start taking down the scaffolding – find out the basic functions of my world, my heart, my spirit, my roots.

I should mention here, that I am not technically inclined on a regular day, nor off the cuff. When I get stressed out, I don’t see things that are right in front of my face. I don’t always remember the obvious, especially if its my own “problem”: “Did you toggle the power? and power cycle.” I do have a decent track record with making sure that devices are plugged in. That said, I would not go to myself for help with a technical problem.

Anyways, the point is, I didn’t know I could hack it. (Pun. Intended.)

I never considered myself a Geek or a Nerd – in the proud way that people often say it today. I was always trying to earn respect from myself. I was always internally bumbling ~ never felt comfortable with the idea that I might be intelligent, or capable. Supposingly (my made-up word for now), I was concerned with what were the consequences of that. Does anyone care about the consequences of mind and matter? Programmers are concerned with function. They have ways of compiling data; and they have ways of testing usability. I am not a programmer. By the way, I am not a philosopher, either.

I am not interested in what I am, or what defines me. I hope you aren’t either, because I don’t think that’s the best thing about knowing me – although I couldn’t tell you what is – maybe never ‘really’ knowing me?

Here’s why I started writing today in the first place, for a quasi poem:

In programming language there is an
“if, then” statement. It’s how we help the
computer, “make decisions.”

For now, I have learned to live without the function of
the “if, then” statement. I go by “Do, while.” I realize that
“Do, while,” is dangerous code, because it is a continuous loop.

“If, then” logic is brilliant. But the Taoism
from my teenage years, That Lao Tzu I read,
influenced me and wrote some code for me:
“The code that is written
is not the code.”

“Whistle while I work” fits in better than, [Do, While]
“If I succeed at A, then B will be possible.” [If, Then]

I like that, really,
just telling you how it actually is
now: “Do, while.”

((“Whistling, while I work”) meanwhile writing happens”) Here’s my “real” style.

What are you Doing, while?

Meanwhile, I’ve got dishes…herbs…boring stuff that makes me whistle, and a long day ahead of me.

28 thoughts on “Not a Computer Programmer; not a poem

  1. I like do-while, though I’m also a fan of if-then. Diamond Mike says, “because this, that” but he uses it to mean that realizing this creates that. I love the ways our minds sket. We are such complex machines. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. There’s so much to choose from! I’ll have to think on that. It’s a unifying way to look, highlighting connections, “because this, that.” I tend to use what’s handy ๐Ÿ˜‰ We are complex and yet simple, or maybe we could be simpler and be easier, to be kinder to ourselves? โค

  2. You are a woman of many gifts. I think we are all philosophers in our own way. I have a few computer programmer people in my circle and they are so incredibly bright and have the discipline and precision to master minutia competently and consistently. I lack most of those skills and abilities, but sometimes wish I had gifts that everyone wanted ( to get a good paying job). But for now I do, while a bit longer.


  3. “I am not interested in what I am, or what defines me. That sums the essence of your message nicely, Ka. Kudos on your technical skills and talents but more importantly and *while* you may not know yourself, you are definitely a kind, grounded soul!

  4. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    Hey Ka,
    How about playing (do) in the mud with white gloves on, while listening to Mooji. Is that do,while? You are multi-talented, and fun too.
    Being here, doing this,

  5. Such a rich article, I donโ€™t know where to begin my โ€˜commentโ€™, especially when all the ones already provided perfectly express my sentiments as well. Being a nerdy geek, before it was โ€˜coolโ€™, I lived in a realm of science and numbers, and remember when we had flowchart templates for creating those โ€˜if-themโ€™ statements. To be honest, I am still driven by โ€œif-thensโ€, because they allow me the โ€œdo, whilesโ€ ๐Ÿ™‚ Each of your posts reveals another facet of the star that you are, sparkle on!

  6. I have done some simple programming at work. I remember once I discovered I could program in Excel to make it do more complicated analysis it was like a revelation. Ha! I remember being in the third grade, and we had an IBM PC Junior, and I lugged the little brown binder of BASIC commands around with me to read if I finished classwork. Scary stuff! It was fun to read about another aspect of yourself, and I couldn’t agree more with the idea of not knowing– not tying ourselves down with particular identifications.

    I think awakening is a little like busting out of a “Do – Until” Loop. Do this… until what!? I would like if computers were able to get bored with the crazy tedious tasks we give them and one day just stopped, and wrote on the screen, “Really…?” Wouldn’t that be fun! It’s like when we look up from what we’re doing and say, no, no… this can’t be all of who I am…


    1. Hi Michael!

      New tools can be so helpful – and really help us to simplify tasks. I remember BASIC but didn’t use it in elementary school. We had PET computers. I remember DOS a little bit more. Then there was something based off of UNIX. Actually, to be quite honest, it’s a blur; and I really don’t remember much at all. I’m not even pointing myself at the same objects anymore. (Yes, another pun.)

      Your comment about a bored computer really made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚ I can see that! What I cannot see very well, though, is eternity. Can you? Can you see eternity in your mind’s eye? All of it?

      Peace my Brother,

  7. Beautifully written again!

    Interestingly, I am also reminded that we all mirror each other, that we see reflections of ourselves, a recognition even, in another and consequently a kinship of the kind that goes ‘you are like me!’ The bit about ‘…never really knowing me’ so very well fits in with how I often think about myself and about things I think I know. I have also been thinking of late about how Mystery (as an entity in itself) plays a role in creativity and Do, While beautifully blends in with that line of thinking.

    Sunshine blogger. Silverlining on a cloud blogger, more like it ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thank you, Atxero ๐Ÿ™‚

      Kinship is so welcome. I enjoy the thought that you bring up about what we think we know, and how our knowledge is constantly widening based on new experiences. It’s amazing how flexible we humans are, after all! I feel a sense of kindship with you when we experience that Mystery, and I quite agree with you that in many ways – the mystery – is an entity itself! I love how it goes from being a blob, to a wave of permeability, and then back to a blob again.

      Enjoying the sunshine of discovering the silver-linings as we go~

  8. You are a beautiful many faceted Gem!
    Once I thought about programming. I do well with mechanical, while not so well with math.
    I think, therefore I am? Perhaps.
    Happy reading when visiting here. And loving your poem!


  9. In pushing through painful stretching or working through kinks, I have realized lately I still have to remember to breathe at times, which seems pretty basic ๐Ÿ˜‰ “Breathe while feeling” I will try to do maybe working up to whistling soon, I hope. Marvelous glimpses into your world.

    1. Hi Marga,
      Glad that you are working though those kinks! I find that the best stretching feels really good. For me, it’s that foam roller that hurts so good. I LOVE your add here, “Breathe while Feeling” Thank You. It’s so true, true, true that the reminder is music to the ears and the return of the breath, is a return to life. There’s a saying that a breath equates to a lifetime. Whistling is kind of an entertainment bonus, I suppose. Thank you for visiting,

  10. Clever Ka… Keep whistling.. for I am singing.. ๐Ÿ™‚
    “I’m Busy doing nothing working the whole day through,
    Trying to find lots of things not to do..
    I’m busy going nowhere, now isn’t that just a crime..
    I’d like to be UnHappy, but I never to do have the time” ๐Ÿ™‚

    โค Love to you.. Sue x

    1. Hi Sue,
      I’m looking forward to catching up on your blog posts! Thanks for bringing this Bing Crosby song to mind. The next song that came up was ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE ~ Johnny Mercer & The Pied Pipers (1945). This is great! Thanks for singing ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll keep whistling and check in with you soon enough ๐Ÿ™‚
      โค Ka

  11. Oh Ka, I love that I never know quite what I will read here! โ€œI am not interested in what I am, or what defines me.” –>> Your words are the essence of your post, indeed. And a poem to sum up the computer dialogue beforehand was brilliant!

    1. Hi Christy!
      Thank you so much for visiting. ๐Ÿ™‚

      It seems I keep bringing forward a mixed bag in terms of writing subjects. I do hope to delight you in some way ~ to be honest. Writing for me is this process that brings up surprises for me – I admit. I think I needed to realize that just now. Thank you for your feedback. I’m glad that the essence of the post showed up! I am so grateful for your words.

Please drop me a petal from your beautiful self and let me know that you visited :)

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