38

Love has led me here
she does not tarry,
she does not make haste –
or deliver herself on the back
of intellectual arguments, just for
clarity’s sake.

she guides me with each step;
a lollypop on the road, a unique
Cees candy message from my teacher,
traveled all the way here
to my familiar sidewalk;
also, the drizzle of love from the grey sky
who has eased me from my ways
of fear and trembling;
and let me know, I’m not alone.

Love is my anchor, my presence –
the reflection in the mirror,
the “hello, good morning” in the neighbor’s
voice, the sound of my grandmother, my father,
my mother’s voice, once they’ve discovered,
that I’ve stopped hiding
under the racks at the clothing stores,

and started crying for different reasons…

i’ve stopped running away from beautiful
messages like roses, and hearts… easy things-
effortless nothings of love,
and i’ve begun to play the flute again –
9 years old meets 38 year old in one
body: and played a belated “Happy Birthday” to thyself.

Love has led me here to your doorstep
to your eyes,
for your reading, for your consumption.
When I was little, I stole an eraser,
it was big and it said, “for big mistakes,”
and I’m still having
difficulty forgiving myself for it.

if it were “i” i’d have kept all this
beauty hidden under the dusty, locked trunk of
“being under construction”… under surveillance,
waiting for a “safe” moment to come out and play.

but my little red ball slipped from my ageless hands…

if it were “i”, i wouldn’t have told you
my secrets in this one poem, or opened up my
consequences for your pleasure.

Anything worth doing, begins and ends with Love, even if it looks
like a mistake, it’s innocent.

2018Β© Ka Malana –

*******************************************************************************
I’m back from retreat, and about to get settled into a new trimester in the cauldron of deep study, practice, and making mistakes. I feel open and vulnerable to the newness of my mind, the emptiness of it. I’m not back to blogging. I might take a longer break from blogging. I sincerely appreciate new followers and new commenters and new visitors to Fiestaestrellas.com. The fact that you found your way here, well it means something. I look forward to catching up with all of you when I can, am able, or happily distracted. For now, I have a focus and love and passion…. to attend to, and I will follow it wherever it takes me.

24 thoughts on “38

  1. Hello my friend! I read this yesterday and I was so moved…and then life threw some balls that I needed to catch…so here I am this morning and I read it again…and I am so much happier for having read it twice 😁
    I sing (happy you can’t ‘hear’ it) a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY 😁 I can see you playing the flute. And I love the HUGE eraser for big mistakes…if only it were that simple…and you know what? Maybe it Is! And maybe you have it in your possession so that you know that…so erase the guilt for having taken it and be grateful for the lesson she shows!! 😁
    I know you will be busy, but I always know there is a connection whether we read words or not.
    Sweet blessings my beautiful friend, Ka!

    1. Lorrie – thank you and fun to share general birthday 🍰 time! You know, still working on a lot of self-forgiveness and not-enoughness, well- and maybe lots of things are easier than we think, once we keep doing them enough! I’m glad we are connected beyond words! πŸ’— I very much appreciate your words…and
      Picturing now a karaoke 🎀 ball dancing πŸ’ƒ across a screen so we can all just play β€œsing” along… and enjoy this ride as we do what we do when we β€œdo.” No problemo…

  2. Reading this makes me feel delighted and excited for you. So much is happening in your life with balance – studying, learning, and playing the flute! Play on under the gentle drizzle of love.

    1. Yes, I love treating in the clinic, too! I have some amazing mentors… and a new one who I am really excited to have met and been working with recently! 🎢 All weekend workshops, etc. so wonderfully busy. Much love to you, JoAnna! Wishing you safety and well-being, and lots of love to your husband and dogs, and family….

Please drop me a petal from your beautiful self and let me know that you visited :)

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