Now this one was satisfying. One of the reasons is I took one of my favorite “for kids” supplies and I stretched it beyond its ‘given’ capacity. I mixed it with grown up tools and water and boom 💥
This one also has “legs” which to me means: some mysterious life of its own.
I dedicate this one to Vipassana and all the learnings gained from sensational awareness as the object of meditation.
Well, I held up as much as I could to still participate as much as I could this year. Sure, I might have blogged 10x in the month of November, but I definitely wouldn’t have blogged this 11th one 😉. One day I might even have some fiction in me, and I might even endeavor to write a novel. That could be fun. I could jump-start it with using a November month to brain storm.
I’ll save some more astrology for another post at another time. I still have comments to reply to from previous posts and people to visit who I miss. So, we shall see.
In my comments to dear Karin from Shamanismandhealing.com, (I might need to fix the link. Let me know in the comments) I mentioned what I am reading; I consider it to be the quintessential holiday book: “Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion,” by Gregory Boyle. I’m blown away and my heart has both exploded and imploded with the words on the pages. This is soul food. This is real purpose. This is the gift of a lifetime: this one precious human life.
For everyone for whom I am connected, I feel devoted. I feel loved and loving. Being brave enough to reach into our souls and pull out anything from a dove’s nest or pocket fuzz, worse, even rocks. Some might find roses. But to be able to reach is the gift. It’s not about what comes out. We need to empty ourselves and our lives have a way of turning us upside-down and jingling us and seeing what comes out. It seems that the riches and sweetness grow just as strong as the bitters and what is rotten festers without being able to ignore.
I feel so small in comparison to the world with which I am connected, but I feel wholly a part of it.
In two weeks I will be sitting in meditation with this soul-nourishing Buddhist group I met and will be attending a brief retreat on “this precious human life.” Honestly, folks, I don’t want to squander it. I’m doing the best I can. My soul is not quiet but it is loud and sometimes it even roars: NOW. There’s a feast in here. We are all sharing it with bravery. We are all so courageous.
I want to honor my fellow Cheer Peppers for reaching the end of Nano Poblano. Congratulations!!
Dinah, I’m really especially thinking of you and holding you in my heart.
May we all know more and more blessings and find our capacity to endure grow evermore as we share the love we have for one another, for all creatures big and small, for the air and the mountains, the rivers and the trees.
Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ
Gaia is a gift—
This mountain lake view
Our trust in each other,
The way we are true.
I see a vision that glimmers with hope
filling my peace 🕊️ cup
May you all feel the surrender to
what is
in the warm of love
and knowing of peace.
A gentle acceptance allows
everything to transform
and if it has not yet,
It isn’t time.
Soon comes openings
Soon comes faith
Soon comes opportunities
To dance more happily with chance.
I embrace this morning mist
This lake-filled holiday
This sun-kissed day.
Hot cider
Warm coffee
Espresso is clear.
Brisk steps and pleasantly swept to breakfast
and dinner feast is near.
Day 10 Nano Poblano
Yesterday i wrote about practicing and about imperfection and the perfection of imperfection. Then, today, I visited my new spiritual home at the Kadampa center, for probably the 6th week in a row or cumulatively, not sure.
We have been embarking on these perfections as a family. This is taught by the Buddha that the 6 perfections are:
Generosity,
Moral discipline/morality,
Patience,
Effort/Energy,
Wisdom,
Meditation,
All of these aspects are related to karma. Karma is an often misunderstood concept and topic. It’s really a cause and effect relationship rather than a “punishment” or “reward.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about my personal spiritual journey and how it overlaps with my immediate family. My daughter is learning meditation and my husband and I met at a Buddhist meditation group over 13 years ago. We both practiced meditation before we met, with our own orientations and backgrounds.
In some ways, we are back on our paths. In some ways our paths overlap. And in other ways, we journey alone. The discussion and dharma talk always takes me exactly where I want to be: in the inquiry. I feel nourished my the inquiry and not clinging to feelings and impressions. I feel more like myself to gently embrace concepts and practice them as an investigation. In the meantime, I am accumulating some faith.
Faith is a word usually reserved for Christianity. I was originally brought up with many different forms of Christianity. Then when I was 21 I traveled East and received many different blessings from Indian and South East Asian traditions and explored them deeply with my heart. The cognitive aspects of the exploration have always been not as important, but they are still present. I have no desire to get super academic about my spirituality. I don’t ever wish to get saturated in dogma, but to remain inquisitive while building my own confidence in the fruits of my practice. My practice is for inner peace and to be an extension of that work in my world and in my life. It doesn’t matter how I get there, just that I am consistent and earnest in my endeavors.
Many bloggers are now over on Substack. I’ve joined just enough to comment on those blogs that I am able to read. It’s interesting to see the options that Substack is offering and I’m seeing more and more that there are people who are favoring connecting with their readers through that platform.
feather flows
on water’s tread
the texture of ripples
from ducks’ swimming
maneuvers
.
the moss on the bank
with another layer of
fine hairs ascending up
beyond its ground cover,
velvety-rich and green
.
damp soil from
morning rain
the kind of rain that
eases the mind’s response
to a new
day
and suggests rainboots
.
once more a cuddle delays
putting on the lights,
opening smooth curtains,
and revealing the misted vistas
beyond window’s inside light reflection
softening and aglow
.
steep the tea in a kettle
for longer,
saturating, steaming
then tasting a
rendering of flowers
on an untouched palate,
.
thus begins the day.
The fairy
brought the gnome
into her home
at the base of the tree
she took him to her breakfast nook
And there she opened up a big book
A page from, “The Love of Thee”
Therein a poem about a memory
from when she met a butterfly who
Had woken her up ever so gently
as she slept inside a shoe
It landed on her nose out of the blue
thinking her nose
was a rose
Thus began their friendship
Her fairy self with a butterfly
who liked catnip
She was no ordinary butterfly
Absolutely, she would fly too high!
And dip so low
She played with her shadow like
An echo.
Click the picture for the rest of the team roster. Go ahead and support them!
my heart is full of sunsets
the ocean,
and the sound of your name.
it beats like a drum pulsing steadily
upon our bone throne.
my bones amplify the frequency
and house our spirits’ timbre
which transduces across my abdomen
as my lungs rise.
with each breath,
a vacuum is reclaimed.
your mind is full of ponderous wonder
like the craters on the moon, you sink
deep into thought shadows,
your feet and shoes disappearing
altogether
as you try to weight yourself down to
“sink in.”
my eyes are confidants;
as I listen to the stories of lonely
ghosts, I watch their energy quiver.
https://www.thenakedscientists.com/articles/interviews/listening-heartbeat-ocean
Today I found a dead mud dauber wasp in my office. I know this is symbol of ” productivity, courage, fertility, taking control, and new beginnings.”1 It’s likely a sign of newer energy for my office and for the people who I work with professionally. Here is a picture of what the mud dauber looks like. What’s most impressive about it is its tiny little stringed waist. They are mostly harmless, and like to eat black widows, which we also do have here geographically. Mud daubers are very industrious.
Their homes look like little marvelous clay patterned circle clusters. They feel energetically gentle in nature in comparison to their other wasp cousins. They fly rather slowly. I have enjoyed learning about the mud dauber from several weeks ago when one tried to set up shop in our peephole box. Our house is very old and it has an antique box–no wonder the dauber was attracted to the shiny brass container.
It looks like this:
It’s apparently Victorian– elegant and beautiful, ornate. That particular mud dauber was unsuccessful in building a nest in our peephole box.
There’s another metaphor at work here. I just completed a 3 day intensive (all day) cadaver dissection lab. I will complete my doctorate in acupuncture in December. I have done continuing education credits even before I completed my Masters and was licensed. However, this past weekend, in more ways than one, I was connecting with an ancient practice, sitting on the shoulders of the greats as I walked the path that these others have walked. As I endured the challenges of such work with focus and attention and, most importantly, ethics and respect. I am not an anatomist, but I do follow some of them. The picture below connects to Andreas Vesalius who created many anatomy books. For more information about his work see here: https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/features/andreas-vesalius-1514-1564-and-the-books-that-made-the-father-of-anatomy
From Science to Art and then Back again
The poetry of my life is in my daily experiences. Right now, it is in the form of mud. My poetry is filled with the CLAY of life, but it is still in my heart and not in the written word. Writing feels forced right now, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m doing it anyways. So, it’s not all flow-y but it’s here. I’ll take it!
Although I do practice an ancient medicine. It is very much alive and living. It’s constantly being de-codified and better understood by the leaders and influencers in my field. And as my 42 birthday approaches this weekend, it occurs to me: I’m so glad that I was not born during a medieval time. Even better, I am so glad that I did not GIVE BIRTH in such a medieval time. What’s even better, is that I get to recover some lost knowledge and salvage the scrap-aways and “scraps” of medical history. There I find brass and gold and so many useful things! (more metaphors).
By reclaiming the lost arts and sciences we are better understanding our current era’s medicine and framework. The goal is to work outside of the industry of pharmaceutical society, but also with it. We have to work with what is already here. There are so many possibilities when true health and healing is the endeavor–when enlightenment is the “goal.” I value all the wisdom that came before me. As I skim my 40s, still at the first level, I know my own life is industrious and still filled with fertility, creativity, art and science. I know that I am living the life of my dreams, made of clay, and building with my hands in the clay. The fruits of the labor are still years away, but I can taste many of them now. Birthdays are often about reflection. But they don’t have to be. This one will mostly just be about enjoyment, and as my 3 year old exclaims “What the heck?” She learned it from her friend at preschool with her Brooklyn accent (that’s how I know, plus she said so). “What the heck” is my mantra for “whatever arises.”
Happy Birthday to me in the modern era, as a modern woman with a growing list of skills, interests, and talents. Happy Birthday to me as a mother and a wife and a simple doctor. None of what I wrote here is to be construed as medical advice. I don’t use my name on my blog. This blog is only for entertainment purposes. Am I entertaining you yet?
Other Sources:
exploring inertia
while watching myself take pause
maybe just another hour longer
to reduce this feeling
maybe the motivation i’ve pushed for years long now
will eventually grow its own legs, but it still needs pressing…
forward
getting praise for being happy is silly
when the joy fades,
I’m sitting in silence, taking the world in, and it’s sharp
Do you know what people are going through?
where is the talent to express these hard things?
where is the wisdom in my soul to trust THIS expression?
I am not made of roses.
but I do have thorns, little prickly places I don’t want to be touched.
I want to go into THIS challenge
I want to meet THIS darkness.
It is okay.
Guiding back the love into myself,
I trust this space, this time, this darkness.
I can be “outside” in it.
You don’t need to reassure me to hide away to do self care.
This IS self care.
My art is not about explaining myself.
I paint myself in black, and walk into the darkness,
because I want to blend in.
Shining is not for me.
I want to be different, black
but we are all in this together… so I am not alone
and you are different, too. We all are.
**I don’t want to be in the practice of explaining my poems. But, each piece I share is very real for me. Walking into the territory of discomfort is sometimes unexpected, but it happens. We live through our sadness, and pain. Joys can speckle the days with highlights. It’s just something we get used to, trying to live a life of meaning. This is how to put one foot in front of the other. The work we create need not be brilliant or good, and it doesn’t matter how much attention it gets. We all think we ought to find our sparkle and “stay there.” But that is not growth. Growth is in the trenches. It’s in recognizing our inertia. Today I have had a heck of a time with procrastination. And, I’m still there. And, that is okay.
I erased once. You can see that.
My drawing skills are nowhere near what they used to be, or potentially where they could have been if I would have progressed with this same skill level as a teen.
But I am 1000% less judgmental about what I create. This gives me pleasure.
I don’t have the time to dive in like I long to, but sketching a little bit here and there is a very welcome slow return to what used to feel more like “who I am.”
Who I am is not me.
It’s a process; it’s looking and feeling, and living. It’s simple. What activity most feels like you? Is it writing? Maybe it could even be walking? Walking would be my second most thing-I-do that feels like me (and exploring) but I have had to forgo that for now. I’m still finding ways to enjoy the day.
There are so many different ways that I meditate. As a reiki practitioner, I have a practice for giving myself reiki. I work with mantra, healing sounds, ringing bowls, guided meditation, vipassana meditation, walking meditation, laughter yoga, other yoga, and many other methods.
Considering I have so much to choose from, it keeps my practicing fresh and alive. I pick and choose what works for me. Often this means that I have diligence for a period of time using a particular method. In this area of my life, I don’t have a specific teacher, but many teachers. About 3 days ago I returned to my beloved horse stance that I first used in Kung Fu a decade or so ago from my Pai Lum Tao. This started to translate into me practice more Qi gong. My favorite go-to is “polishing the stone.” It’s also called “polishing the table,” but it’s the same. The previous practice I learned from another school. I’ve included the video below for your reference, but I hadn’t seen it before today. Same with the video above, which I think is a great introduction to moving like water. Today, on Thanksgiving, I created a movement that’s perfect for my needs and I named it “bamboo swaying in the wind.” I’ll be working with this new Qi Gong I taught myself for a little while, and so far it feels amazing!
There are so many ways to look at abundance and prosperity. In times of challenge and pain, grief from loss, and sadness it can be very difficult to see even the tiniest amount of hope. We must be humble and remember that circumstances are fleeting. They change, they are subject to the ebbs and flows and the vicissitudes of life. What I love about Qi Gong, is that it’s a gift you can give yourself, and you don’t need any supplies but your own breath and movement. It’s a way to cultivate Qi which is the what the entire universe is made up of——-talk about abundance!
To withstand an earthquake,
arcing in the wind,
dancing mysterious music
percussive, clinking, bell-like, windy reed
to become so useful as wood, paper, or diaper
disposable fork or spoon, paper-towel.
Life as One of the four nobles, 1500 in species,
powerful, sheltering, in just 7 years,
assemble raft or scaffold any structure, move along
and usher water
grow, once cut re-grow,
improving your roots, absorbing nutrients,
even becoming a vase.
However hollow, always full of utility and movement,
so to become your life,
to become a proverb, and a philsophy
to live as mighty as a tree
When I was in China, students from the University of Beijing met with me and I was given a Chinese name. Unfortunately I do not remember the whole name, but one part of the name had the word, “bamboo.” I had forgotten about it until I found some photos to share that I took when I was at the Botanical Gardens a few years ago.
Each twist and turn
in the story of life
is but a flutter of light
glinting off a butterfly’s wings.
each moment is a whisper of
soft spoken messages fleshed with meaning
during our telling of it
who and what, where and which way when
is not as important as how we felt
when we quieted the inner din
and stared dark into the silence
feeling the holy fragility of the moments
that are too few to give us any true picture
of where we are going…
As a part of my personal practice, it brings me a lot of joy to be able to extend these meditation sessions to you as a gift. Meditation has long been a resource in my life, and it is so freely available to us all. The benefits that come from meditation are so life-enriching, that I want it to be accessible to all. Please give yourself this time today.
Today the Sun is in Scorpio and the Moon is in Virgo, nourish the health in your body and mind, and in your soul.
2020 Team
Fiesta Estrellas 
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