while watching myself take pause
maybe just another hour longer
to reduce this feeling
maybe the motivation i’ve pushed for years long now
will eventually grow its own legs, but it still needs pressing…
getting praise for being happy is silly
when the joy fades,
I’m sitting in silence, taking the world in, and it’s sharp
Do you know what people are going through?
where is the talent to express these hard things?
where is the wisdom in my soul to trust THIS expression?
I am not made of roses.
but I do have thorns, little prickly places I don’t want to be touched.
I want to go into THIS challenge
I want to meet THIS darkness.
It is okay.
Guiding back the love into myself,
I trust this space, this time, this darkness.
I can be “outside” in it.
You don’t need to reassure me to hide away to do self care.
This IS self care.
My art is not about explaining myself.
I paint myself in black, and walk into the darkness,
because I want to blend in.
Shining is not for me.
I want to be different, black
but we are all in this together… so I am not alone
and you are different, too. We all are.
**I don’t want to be in the practice of explaining my poems. But, each piece I share is very real for me. Walking into the territory of discomfort is sometimes unexpected, but it happens. We live through our sadness, and pain. Joys can speckle the days with highlights. It’s just something we get used to, trying to live a life of meaning. This is how to put one foot in front of the other. The work we create need not be brilliant or good, and it doesn’t matter how much attention it gets. We all think we ought to find our sparkle and “stay there.” But that is not growth. Growth is in the trenches. It’s in recognizing our inertia. Today I have had a heck of a time with procrastination. And, I’m still there. And, that is okay.
17 thoughts on “offering myself”
thank you for this gift ❤
Thank you so much, Linda, for the gift of your gentle response! Hugs back xo
Kudos on embracing you, the dark, and whatever is right for you Ka.
Thank you, my friend! I am so grateful for you!!! I also enjoyed celebrating 🥳 your birthday. Thank you for including me! 😉
You’re most welcome. We’ll be back!
In the dark still places of life. I always find clarity and wisdom. Beautiful reflection Ka. 🙏🏻💚💕
Thank you, Karen! This is where the nourishment is, the acceptance, and the courage. It’s so resourceful of a place and yet to try to avoid it (which is instinct) is to miss the rich dark soil of the soul. I want to mix together the stuff that’s dying in me with the rain and the sun and see what grows! Thank you for being here with me, too! You are loved! Let us be our organically wild selves: guided by the elements, in step with the Earth and the cosmos.
Thank you Ka for these beautiful and honest words. May your creativity feed your soul. Janet XX
Thank you so much, Janet 💖
This is so deeply beautiful dear Ka. There is a pulsating rhythm of polarities, moving inward in to the deep darkness, seeking solace, wanting to blend into it, go invisible – it comes from the yearning to completely give up and emerge anew – this journey is so sacred and precious revealing wisdom waiting to shine, the glow of which is reaching us through your words. I loved immersing in your beautiful reflections and giving words to how I received it. Wishing you lots of ease in exact ways this needs to unfold for you, much Love my friend.
Your words and reflection are so incredible that I am blown away. I felt you saw into this poem with the yearning “to completely give up and emerge anew.” Thank you so so much for connecting like this; it really gives me purpose in my writing and in my journey! Thank you so much. Love your way, Pragalbha 💖
I am glad and grateful that I could relate to the poem in ways meaningful to you dear friend :)) You are very welcome with Love.
This resonates so powerfully with me, Ka! It’s like you took a look inside my soul and saw what is going on in there. Where I used to panic and try to PULL myself out of the darkness I just knew that it would not work…and somehow…intuitively I knew that there was something in the darkness that needed to be explored…for why else would I end up there?
Sending lots of love and hugs and courage to explore what needs to be explored. ❤ ❤
Oh Lorrie!! Yes!!! Thank you. This is exactly the thing. We often need to sit with things and not push them away in order for the darkness to “pass through” and then it’s ready to go on it’s own. It can take a whole lot of patience because the timing is never known and sometimes long periods exist for this exploration and allowing. Much much love your way! Thank you, courage, yes! I’ll take all the supports. Xo
Love connecting and sharing wisdom, Ka! It is such a good feeling when we connect with someone who thinks like we do and totally “gets” us.
May the weekend hold special moments of love and tenderness💜