A friend of mine died recently. I am mourning her; but mostly, I am inspired to write this message.
Yesterday one of my classes was canceled – it was a relief because I spent some time at my favorite neighborhood Kwan Yin spot: the Mission. I just let it flow. The rain sprinkled on me, and my hot coffee in my hand transported me to my undergraduate years. I do know that I have to make up for the day that we missed in class [graduate school] – because that’s just how work is. It still needs to get done. Test next week. The routine continues behind the scenes.
I know she is with me.
I would never have known that she had died in a tragic bike accident, if it weren’t for the fact that she is with me. Sometimes my own faith amazes my doubting mind. I trust that I’ll always know what I need to know *when* I need to know it. So, I don’t do a lot of the normal, conventional “keeping in touch” with people type of stuff. I let life lead me. I’m not really into schedules, for that matter. I follow nudges from my inner cosmic awareness. I don’t cling to people when they need space. (I like space.)
Yet, I look at the “two minds” as equally beneficial. I really don’t see it as a problem.
Susan and I used to discuss the mind, and what is beyond it.
Her name was Susan Hicks: please continue to light up the path for her. Susan is.
A song from the heart
can only be heard
with the silence of presence.
Silence need not be silent in the English sense of the word.
~Aloha nui loa~
You are remembered for our precious times together.
Susan was my dorm neighbor during undergrad. It was my sophomore year, and her freshman year. I finally got a room all by myself, thanks to the lottery system; and of course, after completion of my freshman year, I got to be in the housing lottery system.
I would see her in the hallway when I came home from work or class. She’d have her books open, and we talk about the 3D geometry she was working on. There was a cone shape inside a bowling ball. It was challenging stuff. We would talk about lucid dreaming, and discuss lots of things that compose a personal connection and exchange. She was uncertain about her major. I was an anthropology major. I thought it was the greatest substitute for indecision. I thought I was clever, picking a major that wasn’t very focused, ‘in and of itself.’
I really want to honor her family, and their healing process.
I stayed at her parent’s house during one of our holiday breaks.
Susan and I had become roommates off campus, and coordinated our travel with another roommate. Then after I returned from some of my travel, we shared a house with other roommates. We were in touch in 2013, and I was able to congratulate her on her job at Pitt as well as for completing her PhD in Cultural Anthropology. We connected with more depth than that, but that’s no one’s business but ours.
We were pretty much always on good terms – just busy people.
Susan, your light shines. Thank you for touching my life, and for letting mine touch yours.
As we strive to be “something” FOR the world, never forget what really matters. This is my message to people with ambition. Live fully, love fully, and remember there’s no place to go. There’s only the road. Self-compassion means honoring the process. Self-compassion means following the light of the inner spirit, and letting the gentleness of reality just really be love.