Photo Credit: Andrew Conte | Trib Total Media
Photo Credit: Andrew Conte | Trib Total Media

A friend of mine died recently. I am mourning her; but mostly, I am inspired to write this message.

Yesterday one of my classes was canceled – it was a relief because I spent some time at my favorite neighborhood Kwan Yin spot: the Mission. I just let it flow. The rain sprinkled on me, and my hot coffee in my hand transported me to my  undergraduate years. I do know that I have to make up for the day that we missed in class [graduate school] – because that’s just how work is. It still needs to get done. Test next week. The routine continues behind the scenes.

I know she is with me.

I would never have known that she had died in a tragic bike accident, if it weren’t for the fact that she is with me. Sometimes my own faith amazes my doubting mind. I trust that I’ll always know what I need to know *when* I need to know it. So, I don’t do a lot of the normal, conventional “keeping in touch” with people type of stuff. I let life lead me. I’m not really into schedules, for that matter. I follow nudges from my inner cosmic awareness. I don’t cling to people when they need space. (I like space.)

Yet, I look at the “two minds” as equally beneficial. I really don’t see it as a problem.

Susan and I used to discuss the mind, and what is beyond it.

Her name was Susan Hicks:  please continue to light up the path for her. Susan is.

A song from the heart

can only be heard

with the silence of presence.

Silence need not be silent in the English sense of the word.

~Aloha nui loa~

You are remembered for our precious times together.

Susan was my dorm neighbor during undergrad. It was my sophomore year, and her freshman year. I finally got a room all by myself, thanks to the lottery system; and of course, after completion of my freshman year, I got to be in the housing lottery system.

I would see her in the hallway when I came home from work or class. She’d have her books open, and we talk about the 3D geometry she was working on.  There was a cone shape inside a bowling ball. It was challenging stuff. We would talk about lucid dreaming, and discuss lots of things that compose a personal connection and exchange. She was uncertain about her major. I was an anthropology major. I thought it was the greatest substitute for indecision. I thought I was clever, picking a major that wasn’t very focused, ‘in and of itself.’

I really want to honor her family, and their healing process.

I stayed at her parent’s house during one of our holiday breaks.

Susan and I had become roommates off campus, and coordinated our travel with another roommate. Then after I returned from some of my travel, we shared a house with other roommates. We were in touch in 2013, and I was able to congratulate her on her job at Pitt as well as for completing her PhD in Cultural Anthropology. We connected with more depth than that, but that’s no one’s business but ours.

We were pretty much always on good terms – just busy people.

Susan, your light shines. Thank you for touching my life, and for letting mine touch yours.

As we strive to be “something” FOR the world, never forget what really matters. This is my message to people with ambition. Live fully, love fully, and remember there’s no place to go. There’s only the road. Self-compassion means honoring the process. Self-compassion means following the light of the inner spirit, and letting the gentleness of reality just really be love.

23 thoughts on “Self-Compassion

  1. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    Aw, Ka. This just seems so tragic. She was so young. I know you are fine, and honoring your process, but just know I am honoring your process too and sending lots of love and light to your beautiful heart.
    Much love to you, dear Ka,

  2. Hi sweetie,

    There is only the road and my challenge post was about the Golden road. Self-compassion is something I am consciously working on myself. Matt Kahn really emphasizes this, as well as others. How can we live love and be love if we do not fully love all of ourselves?

    It is lovely that you devoted a post to Susan. I am sorry she was taken so soon, but glad that she is an important part of your story.

    much love and healing,

  3. Such a beautiful tribute to your friend Susan.. and yes she will let you know she is there with you. Always.. Strange how only recently my own deceased friend let me know she was with me again, as I felt her.. which led to me resurrecting my poem I wrote for her when she was very ill..

    No need to comment.. or visit, but I will leave you the link

    Love and Blessings Ka.. xxx sending my heartfelt thoughts your way.. xx

      1. It will be like you two never left each other.. xxx Remember.. we are but a thought, a whisper apart from those we love who have gone on before us.. They only help prepare our paths so we can enter with ease for their greetings will be such a wonderful reunion… Can not wait for that Party.. But I still have one or two parties here to attend to first :-D.. So do you.. Big Hugs Ka.. xxx

  4. Dear Ka,

    Your Sue has crossed over that Rainbow Bridge, and has become part of the greater All That Is, and her light sparkles in the night sky, and is in the flight of a Hawk, and the birth of all our new sister and brother beings. She is everywhere, now, in the leaf that flutters from the tree, and the rock you notice and pick up. May the Light shine bright upon your own Hearth.

    Blessed Be,


  5. K8! i knew i knew her from someone! i cant even actually recall meeting her but when this happened i was and still am emotionally defunct. and THIS… i love you and hope you stay well. as many miles away form each other we are we’re still together. madness

Please drop me a petal from your beautiful self and let me know that you visited :)

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