i woke up this morning
and saw my whole life
rise with the sun,

the flame burst over the hill
and all the land caught fire
with its golden gleam
made sunbeam

the light became a twinkle
in the center of a songbird’s
lively eye,

while crows perched and drew
their wings from the shadows
made from passing night

glowing orangely, a warmth
slowly saturated the
soil and made shapes
on the land

i drew up my mind and
forged a pen, found myself
as clay-like animated
raw material

born from spirit in this fleshy
business for a time
to be situationally present

i watched the clouds form and fade,
the critters stir
and scamper,
my soul laid content as
a non-layer, non-entity

a force without a face
the gaze of the sun as
if by the sight of the land
were to trace…

unlimited openness,

born from the fuel of grace,
born from the magick of fusion –
born from the spark of a new union.

***************** ******************

May you all feel the soul nourishment this Solar Eclipse

It’s that time again! We are about to change our tunes and our runes over here! (Google is cute as usual.)

Well, at our household, anyways, we are being musical, including singing to the baby, and being silly.

This blog is being written extremely slow with my left hand, btw.( then i switched to just the right hand).

I wanted to look at the astrology and write up something since this is why i blog, but having so many of my own planets in the sign of Cancer, I’m pretty intuitive (though not psychic, so leave a comment). I’m intuitive enough to “feel” most the astrology so the rest of it is managed (Aquarius rising and S. Node) by my intellect and my “objectivity” – and sometimes, EH… it’s not that interesting to talk about in that way, especially when “feeling it out” is far more compelling. After all, Leo Sun here: should explain the rest (if explaining is your thing ((not mine))). Nested parentheses included.

Since the transiting N. node is in Cancer, we are lined up to be in touch with our more personal, household, domestic/family affairs, contrasting with those planets in Capricorn in opposition (career, business, reputation), and we’ve been dealing with some interesting squares… What have your dreams been telling you?

How will you enjoy your summer?

What are your plans?

I just love the solstice time and am having an inner celebration. Looking forward to those awesome moments that arise when I get to head outdoors and take pictures and explore nature, and maybe get back to rollerskating again. There’s so much to look forward to! I can’t wait to show my daughter a waterfall for the first time. Right now, however, she’s just learning how to focus her eyes, and binocularly yoke them. What fun.

Also, I’ve been making space to study on my own more, and that’s a real treat for myself, and nerd cavort with my colleagues, and take numerous free classes that are available through my associations to keep me busy while away from Acupuncture school.

I will definitely finish my acupuncture program, it “feels” inevitable, but we shall see – just two more semesters of coursework left. Lots of discussion and time spent on working that one out…

Speaking of programs, meanwhile: I’m two weeks away from completing my certification for Medicine Woman Rite of the Six Moons! It’s mostly self-guided with teacher essences from New Zealand.

Needless to say, life has been intriguing, beguiling, challenging, and relatively fluent!

I did just complete my last Journey Quest with a specific group that I was working with for the last 4 or 5 years, and had an (unplanned) graduation ceremony on the day of my daughter’s birth, as well as a ceremony for her birth and my labor and our gateway into transition. The ceremony happened at the hospital with another shaman medicine woman, midwife, facilitating.  I did tell my teacher for JQ that I was going to have a baby for graduation, so if you call that a plan… it could have been! It was really just a statement of what I thought was inevitable once I sensed my process and flow.

I’m looking forward to visiting everyone soon and will be over at your blog.

 

No sooner does the fog clear
and the way ahead looks
like – coast clear,
another event and more
unsolved. unresolved.

time out from the rush
of ordinary life is
not enough,

ease and care
and all the right things
done is still sometimes
not enough.

the truth is up and down
and the challenges are real
and enduring.

maybe tomorrow the light
will shine again
and bring us into grace and
ease.

transitions are happening,
and asking for relief –

You know, we can ask for it-
and beg and plead,
but sometimes,
happiness wants to play
tag, and sometimes,

“you’re about to be ‘it,‘”

(and you don’t
even know it,)

until your eating your
granola snack behind
your favorite tree
at your
cousin’s house,

on a wicked hot
summer afternoon,
slurping up your
favorite, grape drink,

only to get startled a little bit
when happiness sneaks up,
tosses out a

💦 water balloon 🎈and says,

“bet you can’t catch me!”

and before you know it,

‘you’re it,’ 🏃

again.

✊

Ka Malana c. 2019

I’ve been fighting off a borderline fever for the past couple of days. Rarely do I write about my hardship publicly; mostly because I believe I have really good fortune, and don’t feel like I have legitimacy to complain. Complaining has been drilled into me as a bad thing. Venting is okay in small amounts, certainly don’t want to turn people away from us. So many of us tire from our own suffering, we tire of sharing it.

One of the reasons why I created Fiestaestrellas (including the astrology bit) was to celebrate all the good. So I could make it bigger in my life, and stronger than what gets me down.

That’s the truth, and yet, people are at a distance and we feel stifled when our reality is not accurately portrayed. Then we just go on and on sharing, and attempting to balance and express until it’s so obvious it’s beyond words and maybe we relax into it a bit more.

I’ve had a lot of joy lately. (Jupiter transits have always given me a mixed bag of plenty).

But it has come with a decent amount of hardship.

A couple of weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Despite getting a midwife and trying to be very natural about our birth –none of that part of my desire was met. I signed up for all the classes, but in the end, I had a very long labor– over 48 hrs, followed by 5 hours of unproductive “pushing,” only to result in a C-section. This all came after a mostly wonderful pregnancy (I had prepared for the worst and hoped for the best).

Then before my water broke at week 37 and 6 days, I got sick for two weeks with a very persistent cold and a fever and tremendous head congestion, only to barely clear it in time for my water to break and to have a very long and arduous labor. Though there were moments of shamanic ceremony, and moments where I pushed and smiled, and claimed my power. There were “fleeting” moments among all those hours where I was in charge. This is something that I learned to do, and I applied it as best I could.

I DID give birth to a great love in my life, my daughter. I will not be sharing photos of her online because I consider our images to be private, especially hers. I did toy around with sharing an image of her that doesn’t have her face or any identifying features, and maybe that photo will come out and play one day.

The life path? I don’t know. I was on the road to finishing my degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine and becoming a licensed acupuncturist (just two more semesters and board exams). However, I got pregnant, and here I am, falling behind on that goal, feeling tragically remote from it, unable to appreciate all those other years of HARD work, that got me through each step. Forgetting so much of what I’ve learned and wondering if I even could pick it back up. Also I play among many paradigms and I am not the typical “alternative medicine” person. At all. I’m actually pretty conventional. At least I’ve become (aware that I am) that way while in school.

Do I want to return to school? I receive all the emails and see how the field is growing in leaps and bounds. Acupuncture can do a lot of good. Yet, I am not able to rise up and meet all the plans I had. I am just barely able to rise up to breastfeed — which is easily its own private story. I’m not even sure about my inspiration for finishing my degree.

Right now I am just so very grateful for the osteopathic physician who delivered my baby, for Western and modern medicine, and for people with open minds who are able to read and enjoy my life’s circuitous and often convoluted story, without judgement or agenda. Realize that it will all change.

I am also struggling. Every day.

Do I have joy? Absolutely I do. More joy than I’ve ever had.

Why do I have a blog? Why share this public ally? Why didn’t I wait to “get clear” before writing, and really “process” it?

I really cannot answer those questions. I want my world to be private, but there’s this small chance that maybe something I write lifts someone else up, they are less alone. Maybe that’s it… maybe that’s all of it. I hope that the people who need to read this, find me and do.

So there’s my joy *and* my sorrow.

I will return to focusing on the joys as best I can, and resolve this current challenge, while I keep meeting challenge after challenge, one by one, and posting my own style of poetry when the mood strikes me.

Because you can,

even if you don’t feel good —

The music comes on

And the hips sway,

And suddenly you both –

Own the world,

The scenery,

The stage,

The quiet.

The floor tiles,

The cabinets,

the spot-lighting

flexible frames

glide through

your home’s simple space.

The food’s right there,

You can dance all night

And dance all day —

Because you can.

The kitchen sink,

The food in the microwave,

waiting –

The perfect time to be

with your best friend. is.

Anytime.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BOtUJ6P7lgE