Feeling authentically with chronic pain

In the beginning of the year I wrote a blog post titled the beginning of healing. In a personal sense, this was more prophetic than I knew. I sensed a deep river running through me ready to perhaps “cleanse me” and wash over me on a more subterranean level. Yet I’m not ready to define “what this is” on that deeper level, spiritual level. Maybe I sensed that quite a bit had been stirred up inside of me during the insanity of the pandemic and politics and thus readying me for more healing and feeling. Maybe I had just been through so much just having a baby and transforming into a mother.

Three months after having her, I completed most of my National Board exams before graduating.

I then finished my Master’s Program by December and the remaining National Board exam, but now have been stopped short of my goal to get licensed in my own state because of the need to sit for a 5 hour exam when I cannot due to pain and further causing injury to my spine. I put so much effort into my program and made much progress with my own health (so it seemed) only to be stopped short for a time. I can eventually take my state’s board exam, maybe, if I get well enough to. Sure I could move to a different state but we have other roots here as a family, and so I feel attached. Better to stick with the career roots my husband has built. Also, it’s home to my alma mater and I’d prefer to stay close by hoping for more opportunities that way. But not if I’m not well!!

I can barely take care of my family, and it being “just us” and literally no one else living in the same state, there’s no one to really turn to for a helping hand. We need to hire help.

Plus, my health has been the worst money pit.

Friends, I’m still in the thick of it, having some better days mixed with suffering days. However what seems to be emerging is this sense of connectedness with my closest friends, who still happen to live far. I don’t feel as lonely as I did a month or two ago, at least, not today.

I also really want to be in touch with people who have had or are experiencing chronic pain, and making the best of it. I absolutely know I am not alone. The whole reason I am walking my path is because I am authentically me. I am free to be myself, and learning every day how to show up for myself and love and bring healing to all the aspects of my consciousness. Some part of me does trust that this is a process unfolding within me, that I will get past it, and my life will move on! But for now, I’m in a really challenging & painful holding pattern.

Authentically yours,


22 thoughts on “Feeling authentically with chronic pain

  1. My lovely Ka, I am so sorry.O know you will turn this into a learning experience ..in the best way. I see that here. That is YOU. I wish we lived closer and I could be like the friends you mention xxxxx

  2. Ka, what a difficult challenge. I would hope that the board could make an exception in your case and allow you to take the exam in smaller increments. That doesn’t seem fair. Five hours is a long time for anyone, let alone someone in chronic pain. I’m sorry you are facing what seems like an insurmountable hurdle. I hope you are also able to find help at home. xoxo

  3. All my heart goes out to you Ka. You are so brave and wise to acknowledge what you are going through and to also see that “this too shall pass”. ❀🌷❀

  4. Hi Ka
    I self published a book about dealing with disabilities and health challenges. I’d love to send you a copy free…friend to friend. Just send me your address either on Facebook Messenger or through Ra and I’ll pop one in the mail.
    You are not alone on this journey πŸ’œ

  5. I admire your attitude toward your challenge with chronic pain and healing Ka. I’m sorry it has been so hard for you and your family. May you find your way through it and hopefully to healing. πŸ™

  6. Janet Weight Reed

    Dear Ka, – you are experiencing a difficult and challenging moment in your life. Becoming a new mother is a big one on its own, and to be dealing with chronic pain at the same time is really huge.

    I would suggest you be very kind and gentle to yourself with the knowledge that eventually this will pass….and in the meantime you will learn so much about yourself and the world around you.

    Let’s hope that the States start to learn from other health systems around the world – and they take money out of the equation. This alone would release people from worry because worry makes us sick.

    Sending love
    Janet xx

  7. My heart is with you as always dear friend Ka. It is difficult to deal with so much truly. I pray and trust for you to find your way on the other side of these trying times. I admire your authentic sharing, may that create a lot of space and energy for endurance and healing. Much Love & Hugs to you and your beautiful family.

  8. thank you for sharing your authentic journey Ka. i know many people experience similar challenges with chronic pain and like i do you, i admire them all. you are incredibly brave and amazing for all you have accomplished. sending love and peace to your heart ❀

  9. Things aren’t nearly as bad for me now as they were for years, but I sure know the path of long-term health problems (chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia for me). So stuff. Sending good thoughts for improvements that let you sit for your exam.

  10. wanderingmattlarson

    I can relate to the battle with pain while raising your immediate family in a state away from any other family. It’s a challenge but keep fighting, you can do it!

  11. I am thinking of you, Ka! So sorry to hear of your health challenges and impacts on the family. I sense a determination in you and I want you to know that I’m encouraging you to keep going when you feel like it’s too much… xxoo

  12. Hello Ka,

    My wife has had chronic challenges over the years with Lyme Disease. I think it’s going on 15 years now. I so understand this, at least from what I’ve witnessed with her. I cannot speak to what these paths offer or reveal ultimately, but I can say that there are some beautiful people walking them. You’re accomplishing so much, Ka. I marvel at it all, and did not realize you were carrying these health challenges to boot. I guess not to this extent. You’ve achieved so much!

    I know you will discover the freedom and creative power you desire on this journey, and send my support to help lift you along the way.

    Many blessings, my friend!

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