Mud Dauber Wasp

Today I found a dead mud dauber wasp in my office. I know this is symbol of ” productivity, courage, fertility, taking control, and new beginnings.”1 It’s likely a sign of newer energy for my office and for the people who I work with professionally. Here is a picture of what the mud dauber looks like. What’s most impressive about it is its tiny little stringed waist. They are mostly harmless, and like to eat black widows, which we also do have here geographically. Mud daubers are very industrious.

Mud Dauber Wasp2
Picture from ingeniovirtual

Their homes look like little marvelous clay patterned circle clusters. They feel energetically gentle in nature in comparison to their other wasp cousins. They fly rather slowly. I have enjoyed learning about the mud dauber from several weeks ago when one tried to set up shop in our peephole box. Our house is very old and it has an antique box–no wonder the dauber was attracted to the shiny brass container.

It looks like this:

It’s apparently Victorian– elegant and beautiful, ornate. That particular mud dauber was unsuccessful in building a nest in our peephole box.

There’s another metaphor at work here. I just completed a 3 day intensive (all day) cadaver dissection lab. I will complete my doctorate in acupuncture in December. I have done continuing education credits even before I completed my Masters and was licensed. However, this past weekend, in more ways than one, I was connecting with an ancient practice, sitting on the shoulders of the greats as I walked the path that these others have walked. As I endured the challenges of such work with focus and attention and, most importantly, ethics and respect. I am not an anatomist, but I do follow some of them. The picture below connects to Andreas Vesalius who created many anatomy books. For more information about his work see here: https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/features/andreas-vesalius-1514-1564-and-the-books-that-made-the-father-of-anatomy

From Science to Art and then Back again

The poetry of my life is in my daily experiences. Right now, it is in the form of mud. My poetry is filled with the CLAY of life, but it is still in my heart and not in the written word. Writing feels forced right now, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m doing it anyways. So, it’s not all flow-y but it’s here. I’ll take it!

Although I do practice an ancient medicine. It is very much alive and living. It’s constantly being de-codified and better understood by the leaders and influencers in my field. And as my 42 birthday approaches this weekend, it occurs to me: I’m so glad that I was not born during a medieval time. Even better, I am so glad that I did not GIVE BIRTH in such a medieval time. What’s even better, is that I get to recover some lost knowledge and salvage the scrap-aways and “scraps” of medical history. There I find brass and gold and so many useful things! (more metaphors).

By reclaiming the lost arts and sciences we are better understanding our current era’s medicine and framework. The goal is to work outside of the industry of pharmaceutical society, but also with it. We have to work with what is already here. There are so many possibilities when true health and healing is the endeavor–when enlightenment is the “goal.” I value all the wisdom that came before me. As I skim my 40s, still at the first level, I know my own life is industrious and still filled with fertility, creativity, art and science. I know that I am living the life of my dreams, made of clay, and building with my hands in the clay. The fruits of the labor are still years away, but I can taste many of them now. Birthdays are often about reflection. But they don’t have to be. This one will mostly just be about enjoyment, and as my 3 year old exclaims “What the heck?” She learned it from her friend at preschool with her Brooklyn accent (that’s how I know, plus she said so). “What the heck” is my mantra for “whatever arises.”

Medieval Childbirth3

Happy Birthday to me in the modern era, as a modern woman with a growing list of skills, interests, and talents. Happy Birthday to me as a mother and a wife and a simple doctor. None of what I wrote here is to be construed as medical advice. I don’t use my name on my blog. This blog is only for entertainment purposes. Am I entertaining you yet?

https://www.bl.uk/learning/timeline/large100531.html

Other Sources:

  1. 5 spiritual meanings of wasp (totem & omens). Miller’s Guild. (2022, April 15). Retrieved August 1, 2022, from https://www.millersguild.com/wasp-symbolism/#:~:text=In%20short%2C%20wasps%20symbolize%20productivity,love%20to%20interact%20with%20you!
  2. 2. Blog – what is a Mud Dauber & how worried should I be about them around my houston home? Affordable, Effective Pest Control In DFW, Houston, Austin & San Antonio. (2021, March 9). Retrieved August 1, 2022, from https://romneypestcontrol.com/what-is-a-mud-dauber-how-worried-should-i-be-about-them-around-my-houston-home/
  3. Evans, E. (2022, June 28). The Medieval Childbirth Guide: 6 tips for pregnant mothers in the Middle Ages. HistoryExtra. Retrieved August 1, 2022, from https://www.historyextra.com/period/medieval/middle-ages-childbirth-dangers-mothers-midwives-how-did-medieval-women-give-birth/

Going deep with gratitude

The incredible changes to my life since last year have been so positive; it is wonderfully baffling.

Last year I was struggling with depression because of what felt like a never-ending severe back pain problem. What I did was I put so much energy, effort and investment into my wellness, and it worked! Where I used to have to lay in bed hours a day for physical pain, I’m now able to function normally, since about November of last year. This has been my longest period of living ‘normally’ again since 2012.

I prayed, worked on myself, did so many therapies like targeted spinal decompression and PRP including additional shamanic work. This was all in addition to the chiropractic and the acupuncture, exercises, stretching and diet changes. It all helped, but now I can even add very wonderful 1 hr cardio great sweating workouts twice a week in addition to my weekly martial arts training with my trainer. On the other days I still make time for working out and meditating.

Now my entire life as a whole is so fulfilling and well rounded. This December I will be graduating with my doctorate degree in Acupuncture. Right now with my Master’s degree and license, I work on athletes at the nearby university. I work with children at the nearby hospital, and I have a private practice with my own office.

This afternoon, I took a good nap, and when I awoke I started reflecting on the work I’ve been doing, the healing, and also the many challenges I have overcome. We live in a new house that I am in love with,too. My energy has expanded so much! What I also do see is that my healing is going to keep going deeper. I am able to work with people so beautifully. I can see how much I help them, and the feedback I get often astonishes me. This is incredibly motivating and rewarding.

At this point in my life, I wonder: what else is possible?! I’ve run out of particular wishes or desires. I have all that I need. I am beyond grateful for this life I get to live, and for being able to get out of that hole I was in while processing all that I needed to process. Spiritual growth is a real thing. These bodies we inhabit can help us transcend the body. Once again, this feels like the beginning of a new chapter in my life—into the depth of my core. The power I am generating from my center is a gift that I am motivated to share with others as I continue to expand. My birthday is coming around again in August, and I face it with this deep peace, pleasure, and knowingness. I am settled. I am dynamic, and I am ready for more.

We have family visiting this week, and next month as well. It will be another dynamic time. The excitement and drive I feel to be an ever-increasing positive influence is real.

I know I haven’t been on the blog much. I miss so many of you. But, I do know that this is just a season, and I’m always here. Blogging is not temporary. I love you all so much to connect to you all is such a gift. When I reached out last year, I received so much grace and love from you. You all really helped me get through that challenging time. I want us to stay in touch with each other, here and on your blogs, and continue to be in each others’ lives. Thank you for reading! 💗

Covid is bringing us together

You can focus on political division and human perspective, ideology and personality, or you can focus on the fact that all human experience on the planet is facing a changing, mutating virus (and many of them) which is causing society to adapt.

Regardless of what you think policies ought to be, Covid is changing our daily lives. People out sick, understaffing, and tremendous change is the new storyboard. Shamanically, we are shedding our skins and purging a great deal. We are developing more deeply as a human race. I don’t use the term evolve because it’s a scientific term and it means something differently than the way people colloquially mean it. I have a lot of respect for the scientific process. Science is a verb.

This virus has infected nearly everyone or at some point will; we will overcome it. I do believe we should protect our most vulnerable. I also believe that we can move forward, not focusing on talking heads, but focusing on the fact that a biological mechanism is affecting all of us either directly or indirectly.

I absolutely believe that “Covid” is bringing us together, even thought it might not seem like it.

Rising

Sun rises with orange tasty smiles

Oats, eggs, and coffee mix with autumn

I hear the leaves crunch like cereal when

I’m walking outside.

Then there’s the design of the ocean

A stretching scape of smoothery

I love to hear the ripples and dance with the shimmer of golden mica sand

My home is a beauty.

a delightfully crisp autumn fog promising sunshine

Night chimney burning with cool morning mists.

My feet are dazzled by the shore while my head is in the mountains.

My home is a beauty

Rising land ambiance, rising mists, rising spirits.

Magical pathways and definite signs

Brilliant sun dresses the grass in glistening crystal light, like glass

as each day fades more quickly than the last

with only time scattering, not shattering.

I am alone in the temple of my studying

who has hope in this life that’s quickening?

The messages on the wind are obvious and settling.

Feathers touch my eyes even when I haven’t been eyes wide-open, a blessing.

head to the ground, I see the sky, anyways.

goddess protects me, restores me, intrigues me.

she is my mystery, cloaked in light. Too bright to see the shapes.

she is the laughter that breaks over silly faces

and highlights dreamy face contours full of delight.

I’m walking on the ground that you put down for me, wearing my t-shirt of faith, that one that was an accidental gift posted to me.

Owl, Hawk, you remind me that my roots are going down, right where I am. I am meant to be here.

Butterflies and sun blazing and all…

The heat makes the air rise, and I wonder how much the butterfly has to move to keep from getting scorched by summer sun.

She is beautiful, but she works hard, while others see whimsy.

She wants to know more about the mystery of the wind, but she’s Content to ride, knowing how to glide, and when to flit.

And when to rest.

Build down deeper

and, reach up higher

my days are speckled with contrast

with energy running low

traveling like water

seeking to ground and center

magnetized to the core of earth

down down down I go

into the caverns of the ancient ones

while above the surface I rise

stretching up ⬆️ reaching, reaching

flying with the owl in the night

wings shielding from the elements

my spirit soars and I long to be joined

with all that is in my soul and beyond

healings given by me make me feel

my purpose is alive and well

and all these dim switches in my awareness

are meant to be situated perfectly

just for me to flick on with strong yesses

I give way to this meaning,

I accept this purpose, with gratitude 🙏🏽

Mahalo, I am love, and I love you. We are one.

Pain drives us

Sometimes pain drives us to hide

from experiences that present possibilities for more pain

And other times, it helps steel our will

Stake a claim on creating a new vessel to

Live in.

Like a hermit crab, maybe it’s time to climb into a

New shell

Maybe forge one from fire;

My shell is changing

My flesh has reduced and my muscles are rising

Some of this is the consequence of sadness or

feelings of worry and despair, combined with work and determination after long pauses

I plan on making feelings of worry, fear, and despair my allies.

Even if empathic, they can be useful.

It occurred to me today that I don’t need to be useful to the world.

But that I would stake my claim of my place in this world by virtue of the fact that I AM living.

I will let pain drive me to new discoveries,

Relationships, and acceptance.

I will allow this transformation.

Growth dreams

Resiliency powerhouse

Soft lover

Open channel

Guided, Effective, Capable

Living off the fuel of my challenges

Facing the fears and being gentle with myself

Loving compassion

Showing up!

Clearing the illusions

Being present

Sharp focus

Strength & opportunity

Seeing the wisdom in the wounds

Building paths and making possibilities

Transcending my perceived limits

And working it, never giving up.

*I’m picturing myself sailing on a ship, being deeply in tune with the ocean, and yielding to the power of the storm while the storm inside me grows to match the might of that storm outside of me. I am ready to build this new way of being in the world. I am ready to see the new ways forward. I am ready to be gentle and yielding in the truth of how mighty we all are. 💖 We can overcome our difficulties. I want to be on that path! I am on that path! I will keep going. Growth dreams, to become more than I am now, I am ready.

Cheers to this full moon 🌕

The clouds have broken

The clouds have broken

And you were in my dreams

Courting me with dark wine and

Deep ocean waves, foaming

Sand everywhere—

Your music was soft and enchanting,

Filling my ears with swirls and rhythms

I even discovered I had a dress for the evening

to dance with you under the fading pale sun

Now I am wondering why the violent lightning

Gives way to such a soft sunset.

And, who could forget the hard rain?

speak.

When I woke my voice was brittle—

The words came out,

but were easily broken.

I then sifted through the debris and emptied the sand from my hands, made up of

messages that, when undelivered,

had turned to dust.

With my warm dry hands I gently held my

throat and let my hands speak “you may not know how to voice

but I give you time. I give you space.

Your voice matters. Never give up. Let anyone try to silence you, but you will never again do it to yourself.”

*is anyone else having trouble with the editor? I did a copy and paste of my poem and the formatting would not fill one solid block. I’m not being too picky about format right now, because it’s not convenient to be. It expresses enough on its own.

Catching glimpses of my Sun life

Ka Malana Photography

A lifetime of memories

can show up at your doorstep

and sweep you up in love

like the wind that brings changing seasons

collects the leaves for colorful treasures

to be pressed and captured in scrapbooks and photographs.

We can live in the memory of love

as the wind that rushes through us with intensity just by

that one glance you just gave me.

Life moves so quickly at moments collecting all the fibers of our depths

at other times, still and proportional. Then, slow-silent as snow.

I’m experiencing a timeless place with you right now. It is not a crossroads,

a doorstep, nor a season.

It’s a glorious continuity, a never-ending, undying way for us to collect

ourselves, full of developing smiles and wet-touched by the tears of our trials.

My love is with you always.

delicious sun

Ka Malana Photography
Ka Malana Photography

the sun is delicious with its orange yum glow

it dangles the edge of the horizon,

painting with wet colors

as it slips into the brown earth layers,

implants like a vibrant seed into the

cool, jazzy earth.

then with a wink, the earth slurps up

the sun’s last light.

Roots

Ka Malana Photography

connected in the rudraksha forest

i meditated and traced back into my blood lines

the joys and sorrows of all who came before me

drawn full into my body.

navigating along a nano-sized boat along these channels

I explored my arteries, arterioles, and capillaries;

when I reached my heart, I leapt out of the boat

and dove deep into my left ventricle, swam for an hour.

now, I don’t exist as the meat and flesh of walking

human-normal.