a pillar has rolled back into place.
consciousness is as steady as a beam.
The gaze is calm while looking at the rust, bright lights and dark spots fuse transforming angles of industry into cloth and folds into thin sheets.
i hear a whisper from her heart
her lips are pressed against my chest. i feel warm knowing she is one with me again. She’s curled up inside of me, ready to face what’s next.
i turn to her and thank her for her patience, for enduring what this path and journey really means: commitment.
I’ve never seen her grow like this before, joining in with faith. She clutches onto nothing. She’s honest to the brim. Shes ready for what’s next. So I lead her back inside.
My drawing skills are nowhere near what they used to be, or potentially where they could have been if I would have progressed with this same skill level as a teen.
But I am 1000% less judgmental about what I create. This gives me pleasure.
I don’t have the time to dive in like I long to, but sketching a little bit here and there is a very welcome slow return to what used to feel more like “who I am.”
Who I am is not me.
It’s a process; it’s looking and feeling, and living. It’s simple. What activity most feels like you? Is it writing? Maybe it could even be walking? Walking would be my second most thing-I-do that feels like me (and exploring) but I have had to forgo that for now. I’m still finding ways to enjoy the day.
I then sifted through the debris and emptied the sand from my hands, made up of
messages that, when undelivered,
had turned to dust.
With my warm dry hands I gently held my
throat and let my hands speak “you may not know how to voice
but I give you time. I give you space.
Your voice matters. Never give up. Let anyone try to silence you, but you will never again do it to yourself.”
*is anyone else having trouble with the editor? I did a copy and paste of my poem and the formatting would not fill one solid block. I’m not being too picky about format right now, because it’s not convenient to be. It expresses enough on its own.
It’s okay to step away from the whole “the Universe is teaching me a lesson” paradigm. Sometimes things are the way they are because of a zillion potential reasons. And, sometimes, mercilessly, there is no reason. We still have the responsibility to deal with what arises. But it does not help to recycle the age-old idea because it’s near-neighbor is the concept of punishment and karma. While these things may be potential reasons for why things happen, they don’t express the love and peace and wholeness of the universe—which is the universe’s true nature. I take this stance because the universe is inert, in a sense, and very receptive. There is the peace in the space, in the nothingness of it. It “absorbs” all.
These “teaching a lesson” concepts are not helpful for people who are in the midst of true struggle and dark night of the soul. What people need are Earth angels (and otherwise). They need people who understand and intuit without having to look through the lens of their own struggle (and be clouded by it) but when they can deeply tap into the universal struggle that we are all susceptible to. One’s good fortune should never be taken for granted. It’s too easy to want to fall into the new age “Law of Attraction” and desire for manifestation! While all these things and many others have their positive and fruit-bearing ways, they do not fulfill the need for us to focus on becoming the most healthy we can be so that we contribute to others. And often we contribute to others even while we are unhealthy, broken, and in need of support ourselves. We can do both, and we must do both. There’s another maxim that gets recycled over and over again about the oxygen mask on the plane. Yes, you should take the oxygen mask first, but you can’t wait until you safely get off the plane before helping others. How do we help others? I don’t know. What I do know is that I intend to speak up a lot more about my opinions, my experiences, and what I think is more productive, efficient, and what I perceive as more loving. I’m not doing it in a writerly way, I know. This is all about undressing the writer and being without her craft, just to be here, fully. For the purpose of my own communication & growth. I am a living experiment and I always have been. Those who have known me since my teens and twenties would know this is my consistent approach to living a free life. But, I didn’t get my chronic pain until July 21, 2012. Regardless I use my old toolbox just as well as my new one.
What “new age” ideas could you do without (for a little rest-break from them)? How would you prefer to reframe some of your experiences so that you can better process them? What super powers have you developed since dealing with chronic pain?
I never intended to share this, but there’s something so special in it that I felt like if I don’t let it out, the magic will not come back again. And by magic I mean… the allowance!
Your life wants to live through you. If you are judging yourself before you even start, you are missing the most precious moments of your life. This is an energy thing. This is an important lesson. Give yourself a little exhale from now and then and remember– this is your life, but you are not living it for yourself! 🖼
I had never used these pens before. I’m not going to make excuses about how much I think this drawing didn’t live up to my expectations. I adore this drawing. It surprised me! With little to no preparation I made a Mark that will be remembered forever. I adore this gift that I was given, and I hope to pass it on! It only takes a spark and maybe “her” 🔥 fire will be blazing! That is my hope! 😍
We have a solar eclipse coming up here on December 14, a Jupiter/Saturn conjunction in Aquarius shortly after that and then a Full Moon in Cancer on the 29th. There’s been a lot of astrology to talk about during all these crazy months but these newer developments feel more liberating than we’ve seen in a while.
The solar eclipse on the 14th is in the sign of Sagittarius. It’s a good opportunity to take stock of beliefs and how beliefs affect and color emotions to create mental filter through which we determine our realities. There’s a lot of social movements and many small groups that have communications around beliefs and translating those into visions for how to live in the world. However I’m more interested on the individual level and how the astrology can be used to help liberate us.
For one, this solar eclipse which translates into a Sun and Moon conjunction in the sign of Sagittarius at 23 degrees and 8 min, at at 11:16 a.m. ET/8:16 a.m. PT. is within a 3 degree orb conjunction with Mercury. The stories we tell ourselves are so important, and they are important at any time. However when we are on the cusp of a new adventure or journey, as at this eclipse, we are even more guided to the star ⭐️ we hitch our wagons to. That wagon is the energy or the wheels we give to our personal stories. When we seek liberation, we often try to overcome personal stories but then miss out on the richness of a life of non-attachment within those stories that decorate and frame our lives.
For me, this eclipse takes place in my 11th house of hopes and dreams and this week I’m finishing up a long term goal to complete my Masters program in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine and fulfill my last requirements. I’ve had a long journey 6+ years with this endeavor and I’ve really struggled a lot through many personal challenges. There’s also been many graces along the way; but overall, I wanted to quit many times. At this point, I’m looking forward to integrating and spending some time in a place where I can be on the other end of this milestone. I put in a tremendous amount of energy, work, and slayed so many personal demons, but I’ve got more effort and work ahead of me, no doubt. For now, I’m enjoying the energy of this solar eclipse to highlight for me how my life is in many ways “scheduled and on-time” regardless of how my ego sometimes prefers.
This Jupiter/Saturn conjunction in my 12th house will further light up areas where my self-undoing has short-changed me but best of all these openings will finally be in the same sign as my ascendant in Aquarius. I’m ready to be moving into my Aquarian energy again, into my 1st house eventually, which is a little while away, but will be an additional boost to how I experience myself interfacing and interacting with deepest hopes and dreams, as a whole and refreshed person on the new horizon of my new consciousness.
It’ll be interesting to see where we all land on the full Moon in Cancer on December 29, as this virus continues to challenge individuals, families and cultural and financial systems.
January 2020 began, after all, with a moon in Cancer, on January 10. Reflecting back on this time is full-circle, where will we be? Where will you be? Come January 28, 2021 the first full moon of the year will be in Leo. So let’s think on it. Let’s call in Sagittarian wisdom from experience that we have special access to during this eclipse and look at this Cancerian (stay at home) year, in bookends.
Let’s figure out how we translate into the New Year 2021, as the year that brings our strengths into the equation in a new way. We have in so many ways been vulnerable in 2020 (Cancer), some have fought against what might have been perceived as authoritarian and rules from governance, and now it’s time to think about the ways within we’ve grown as we continue to walk into a more Leonine head-still-held-up, in a “how we survived,” call to grace. It’s those sprouts 🌱 which will come up in the new year, 2021. We will be dusting off the ashes, so to speak.
I hope you all have a peaceful and healthy holiday transition this December as many have already begun celebrating Hanukkah and this month is rich in energy for hope and magic. May you be well, May you be happy.
There are so many different ways that I meditate. As a reiki practitioner, I have a practice for giving myself reiki. I work with mantra, healing sounds, ringing bowls, guided meditation, vipassana meditation, walking meditation, laughter yoga, other yoga, and many other methods.
Considering I have so much to choose from, it keeps my practicing fresh and alive. I pick and choose what works for me. Often this means that I have diligence for a period of time using a particular method. In this area of my life, I don’t have a specific teacher, but many teachers. About 3 days ago I returned to my beloved horse stance that I first used in Kung Fu a decade or so ago from my Pai Lum Tao. This started to translate into me practice more Qi gong. My favorite go-to is “polishing the stone.” It’s also called “polishing the table,” but it’s the same. The previous practice I learned from another school. I’ve included the video below for your reference, but I hadn’t seen it before today. Same with the video above, which I think is a great introduction to moving like water. Today, on Thanksgiving, I created a movement that’s perfect for my needs and I named it “bamboo swaying in the wind.” I’ll be working with this new Qi Gong I taught myself for a little while, and so far it feels amazing!
There are so many ways to look at abundance and prosperity. In times of challenge and pain, grief from loss, and sadness it can be very difficult to see even the tiniest amount of hope. We must be humble and remember that circumstances are fleeting. They change, they are subject to the ebbs and flows and the vicissitudes of life. What I love about Qi Gong, is that it’s a gift you can give yourself, and you don’t need any supplies but your own breath and movement. It’s a way to cultivate Qi which is the what the entire universe is made up of——-talk about abundance!
Ka Malana Photography “The depth of time”Ka Malana Photography “Details beneath the shadows, green beyond green”Ka Malana Photography “Robust light” Ka Malana Photography “The height of a bookcase”Ka Malana photography “Stone tapestry” Ka Malana Photography “Dakini’s Echo”
In this blog post, I have a recorded a track for meditating outdoors. I’ve also included my photography from my visit to Cambodia in 2001. There’s two images of me from 19 years ago, taken by one of my teachers from University of Pennsylvania, Larry Silver.
Please take some time to sit outside and listen to this meditation, sitting or standing against a tree.Ka Malana Photography 15/30
Fiesta Estrellas 
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