In this life, we might be terrified. we might feel alone, though we are not. we must work every day to give ourselves enough space, to be who we are. however we are, “dark” or “light” or the huge gamut spanning between even if not one single person feels that what we offer is valuable, […]
Today’s reblog links back to a poem I wrote, about not being afraid to stand alone. I think this is a good reminder for all of us while the season is all about “coming together.” For so many this season bring a lot of pressure, loneliness, and oftentimes tremendous grief. However for others it’s a time to really express our happiness and our love with our friends, families and everyone in our lives. Truly the holidays are days when most people have off work–even though not all do.
Yesterday I took time for myself to really appreciate the moments in my life. There’s this beautiful quiet descending upon me. It’s far from depression and it feels like inner peace. I’m not even chasing after it either. It’s there when all the chasing runs its course. 🙂
Another one of my pleasures is photography. Photography changes so quickly. It’s been a long time since I got to enjoy being inside of a dark room. The calm silence and the enjoyment of the trickling water in a mostly silent room, dunking my finished photo in the fixer with my tongs and the sensation of the feeling of the photo through the tongs with the touch of its rubbery ends against the glossy texture of the image. I even miss the smell of the chemicals and that red light. I miss the red light the most. A darkroom was a peaceful place to be. Click the link above for all the photos… You will be happy you washed your eyes with abundant sunflowers…
When I photographed the headlining photo, I was taken by the angles of the colors of the different aspect of the image. I could make an abstract painting based off of this photo.
Image credits: Candlelight and Wine, by Ralph Hocker, Acrylic ― 11″ x 14″ www.sevenlivelyartists.com/hocker.html ARIADNE, VENUS AND BACCHUS BY TINTORETTO (1518-1594) “Beautiful colors can be bought in the shops on the Riato, but good drawing can only be bought from the casket of the artist’s talent with patient study and nights without sleep.” ~ Tintoretto (such is the […]
This is another earlier blog post of my mine. I reached into my archives where I wrote about astrology; this was before I branched out and wrote poetry, and shared my art, and got more social about my life and my journey. I published a book since I was blogged, yay! I like to blog about ALL THE THINGS! New material is coming in 2023–but right now, this is my blog celebration. I teamed up with Cheer Peppers because I wanted to blog for the whole month with a team. I like to share space with people and I’m so glad that you have decided to read my writing, and truly: I am glad you decided to be part of my world. You matter, and I appreciate you!!! ❤ Please enjoy! Another busy back-to-back day today 🙂 I’ll be around to visit you again very soon!
A little bonus today that I’m excited about is that I linked all my Taurus posts to celebrate this Full Moon Eclipse in Taurus we are currently experiencing.
This first one below—> This was my life-changing Kauai experience when I got my spiritual name Ka Malana. It was a short post. I was very busy experiencing it all. I remember the most beautiful New Moon in Taurus ceremony on the beach… just amazing. The order of the blog posts is from oldest to most recent.
This one I didn’t even get to re-read, but I’m in need of re-reading it, *and* slowing down. Whatever that means! Felicia, our aloe, passed away when we moved South to San Diego…. Felicia never recovered. 😦
Click this for the photo–I also have blogged “some” of my photography in the past. Long time readers of this blog will remember my photography periods. I’m not sure why this link isn’t showing a preview picture of my post.
My friend Dinah posted this quote on her Facebook, and I’ve been haunted by it ever since. I was mentally and emotionally abused by my older brother since I was a young child. I have not had communication with him in over a decade and half at least and only to drop off a check for him at Barnes and Nobles from my parent for him.
Mental illness is no joke. When you have it in your family, it destroys you from the inside, while you are young and innocent and haven’t even formed a sense of who you are yet. It’s like being rotten and feeling rotten, and then you are carving your way out of it to find and redeem your purity, your health, and what’s worth loving about yourself. No abuser loves themselves. They will make you suffer because of their own self hate, and then they will blame you for existing while they ignore and invalidate your existence.
I’m still scared of him. I still worry he will be in the same geographic area. He has shown zero interest in me and but conversely when he had become a cutter he splattered darkness all of the internet and complained about me to “his people.” I am posting this because of the quote. I am breaking free. I am breaking 💯 free and I don’t even know how I’m going to do it. But, I will continue to not only be a survivor but a thriver.
I will not live in fear of him. He no longer has ANY power over me!!!!!
The gophers had come! The gophers relate to the strong feminine energy of the Mother Earth. They symbolize fertility and working deep with the soil. Gophers love to nibble on roots and destroy gardens. They’d be cute if they weren’t such a pest. There are limitless resources out there about smells gophers don’t like. I have tested these hypotheses and the gophers are not too dissuaded. Garlic and Gardenia don’t work, moth balls do not deter. Gophers are resilient and smart. They have each other, but it only takes one gopher to ‘somehow’ make many more. I’m not saying that they are asexual, but they sure are clever and fast when they want to be.
The gophers show us how to build and network. Their tunnels can be elaborate; they work unseen. I’ve been thinking about the networks in my life that are unseen. The ways that I’m tied to others and to my neighborhood and community. Animals are messengers and help us to reflect on the wisdom they provide if you are looking, responding and receiving those messages.
Today I found a dead mud dauber wasp in my office. I know this is symbol of ” productivity, courage, fertility, taking control, and new beginnings.”1 It’s likely a sign of newer energy for my office and for the people who I work with professionally. Here is a picture of what the mud dauber looks like. What’s most impressive about it is its tiny little stringed waist. They are mostly harmless, and like to eat black widows, which we also do have here geographically. Mud daubers are very industrious.
Mud Dauber Wasp2Picture from ingeniovirtual
Their homes look like little marvelous clay patterned circle clusters. They feel energetically gentle in nature in comparison to their other wasp cousins. They fly rather slowly. I have enjoyed learning about the mud dauber from several weeks ago when one tried to set up shop in our peephole box. Our house is very old and it has an antique box–no wonder the dauber was attracted to the shiny brass container.
It looks like this:
It’s apparently Victorian– elegant and beautiful, ornate. That particular mud dauber was unsuccessful in building a nest in our peephole box.
There’s another metaphor at work here. I just completed a 3 day intensive (all day) cadaver dissection lab. I will complete my doctorate in acupuncture in December. I have done continuing education credits even before I completed my Masters and was licensed. However, this past weekend, in more ways than one, I was connecting with an ancient practice, sitting on the shoulders of the greats as I walked the path that these others have walked. As I endured the challenges of such work with focus and attention and, most importantly, ethics and respect. I am not an anatomist, but I do follow some of them. The picture below connects to Andreas Vesalius who created many anatomy books. For more information about his work see here: https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/features/andreas-vesalius-1514-1564-and-the-books-that-made-the-father-of-anatomy
From Science to Art and then Back again
The poetry of my life is in my daily experiences. Right now, it is in the form of mud. My poetry is filled with the CLAY of life, but it is still in my heart and not in the written word. Writing feels forced right now, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m doing it anyways. So, it’s not all flow-y but it’s here. I’ll take it!
Although I do practice an ancient medicine. It is very much alive and living. It’s constantly being de-codified and better understood by the leaders and influencers in my field. And as my 42 birthday approaches this weekend, it occurs to me: I’m so glad that I was not born during a medieval time. Even better, I am so glad that I did not GIVE BIRTH in such a medieval time. What’s even better, is that I get to recover some lost knowledge and salvage the scrap-aways and “scraps” of medical history. There I find brass and gold and so many useful things! (more metaphors).
By reclaiming the lost arts and sciences we are better understanding our current era’s medicine and framework. The goal is to work outside of the industry of pharmaceutical society, but also with it. We have to work with what is already here. There are so many possibilities when true health and healing is the endeavor–when enlightenment is the “goal.” I value all the wisdom that came before me. As I skim my 40s, still at the first level, I know my own life is industrious and still filled with fertility, creativity, art and science. I know that I am living the life of my dreams, made of clay, and building with my hands in the clay. The fruits of the labor are still years away, but I can taste many of them now. Birthdays are often about reflection. But they don’t have to be. This one will mostly just be about enjoyment, and as my 3 year old exclaims “What the heck?” She learned it from her friend at preschool with her Brooklyn accent (that’s how I know, plus she said so). “What the heck” is my mantra for “whatever arises.”
Medieval Childbirth3
Happy Birthday to me in the modern era, as a modern woman with a growing list of skills, interests, and talents. Happy Birthday to me as a mother and a wife and a simple doctor. None of what I wrote here is to be construed as medical advice. I don’t use my name on my blog. This blog is only for entertainment purposes. Am I entertaining you yet?
I’ve had a glorious personal time. My new house is so cozy, and I enjoy all the time it will take to get settled in and care for it. I’m immersed in my daughter’s fun, sciencey preschool, and busy with my own work with athletes at the UCSD clinic and at the Children’s hospital. I’ve enjoyed being in my friend’s clinic as well. I am fulfilled on so many levels.
Yet, the country I live in is starving for authenticity, community, togetherness.
We went hiking yesterday and swimming. Now I take a moment to reflect on how I’ve made my peaceful oasis a real thing. It doesn’t matter what is happening around us. I try to make a positive impact in my own ways, my concerns are for the future, but right now I have raging optimism.
That’s right. Raging optimism. It’s my freedom to express that in the way I have so much hope for our future, it doesn’t matter what’s collapsed or what is burning. I see a bright light in the youth of our county, fighting for the sustainment of a healthy planet. America is too important in this game, and she really needs soulful leadership and community—she needs authenticity. So, live it up in our little spheres. Be the brave. Carve out your peaceful oasis and support its outward growth.
We sort of hosted fairies this year for the holidays. They felt comfortable moving in next door 🚪 and brought their green rabbit 🐇 💚 which my daughter “little K” loved. The rabbit has mossy green hair. We are fond of rabbits here.
Fairy home 🏡
Not long after they moved in, they quickly put up a tree. Not too long after that I started to see their fairy lights on the tree. I think they put up their tree before we did, go figure.
Nighttime fairy home 🏡
I’m not sure what 2022 will bring but the end of 2021 was a lot of fun. Tonight I had the thought, while considering using prompts to write, if only the cleverness fairy would come and visit me. At this point, I would say, that anything is possible. Keep celebratin’ ⭐️🐇💚✨
Oh yeah! Happy New Moon in Capricorn! Now let’s get to happy work… preparing for the next shindig.
This has to be my favorite Autumn to Winter season yet. It is full of connecting, warmth and fun. I started feeling better just in time for all my visitors, seeing lots of family. I haven’t been blogging in a long time, but I have been living “the good life“ offline. My daughter’s school closed unexpectedly so we got to enjoy her at home for 6 weeks while we worked from home.
I feel like I am energetically upgrading and preparing for new chapters in my life. I’ll be acting as an “elder” in one of my tribal classrooms, supporting others on the journeys and delving deeper into my own through one of the mystery schools I have been apprenticing in for a few years now. I’m really happy to revisit many of the mystical teachers I encountered on those journeys through the lens of holding space for others, as it’s second nature for me. I am now a licensed acupuncturist, and have been practicing acupuncture with a lot of family and balancing and doing distant energy treatments for family, mostly, but also friends, too. I see myself wanting to do more service work in the future on the side. I also haven’t opened my own office yet. I don’t think 2022 will be the year, but it might be 2023. In the meantime, I keep acquiring skills and learning through doing. Naturally I enjoy what I do. It pleases me to help people feel better.
The food and drinks above are from a restaurant called “Cafe Gratitude;” they have a beautiful environment and concept. The food is delicious and nutritious.
We celebrate solstice and Christmas here and just about everything Yuletide and magical.
Wishing everyone a healthy and happy New Year! I hope to write more poetry in 2022, but haven’t set a goal.
My feminine and masculine guides for the New Year are helping with balancing:
Also known as the “power couple” 😆
The current moon is in its balsamic phase and void of course… this is a relaxing, “go-inside” time to ready and prepare for the New Year 2022.
A moment’s peacefulness can make up for many weeks’ strife. Never forget the power of a few moments of freedom.
Thanking God and Goddess for all the love that is everywhere, ready to receive all the trials, tears, and traumas of our planet. Dragonflies and butterflies are about, the wind is in the leaves 🍃 rocking the dry ones off the branch.
A day or two without pain is welcomed. The pain will probably return, but this moment is to be rejoiced! A sigh of relief. The road through life is hopefully long, and likely convoluted. There’s a moment to behold when our prayers are answered, for however long in freedom, we can embrace.
*I’m picturing myself sailing on a ship, being deeply in tune with the ocean, and yielding to the power of the storm while the storm inside me grows to match the might of that storm outside of me. I am ready to build this new way of being in the world. I am ready to see the new ways forward. I am ready to be gentle and yielding in the truth of how mighty we all are. 💖 We can overcome our difficulties. I want to be on that path! I am on that path! I will keep going. Growth dreams, to become more than I am now, I am ready.
Fiesta Estrellas 
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