I picked this phrase as my title because it can be read in two different ways: One is mulling it over and trying to understand it all, and the second is relinquishing everything — surrendering “it all” to whatever happens.

Being in the place of the latter, I found some comfort in Matt Kahn’s video:

It’s been a while now since I haven’t been writing or sharing my own astrological interpretations. This aspect of my life has gone quiet for reasons of me being flooded out, I think, by so many of them out there. I think I need now to find “my own thing” again. I’m not sure what that is, but I lost my voice in this. It makes me kind of sad because it’s why I built this blog. On the other hand, I’m willing to go with the flow and accept that maybe it’s just not for me right now, and that’s okay.

That said, I enjoy the freshness of Wondergirl. I’m calling her that instead of her pedestrian name because why else would she choose that moniker? It’s fabulous. I have been occasionally catching her monthly videos and watching her grow and grow on YouTube and now her own special paid subscribers, etc. I think her take on this full moon is pretty good. Maybe later I will dig up some of my old Virgo blog posts and repost it just for the heck of it. It’s nice to know that no one is relying on me to keep the output.

I did one of those wine drinking and art event nights. I was supposed to go with a friend who cancelled last minute because her household is sick, and she didn’t want to spread germs. This was a good move on her part; so I went alone.

The painting environment was a bit cramped, even with the vacant seat on my left. The man to my right was dangerously close to my paintbrush 🖌 and he fortunately was wearing glasses to protect him in case he wasn’t paying attention while I was working on the right side of my canvas at his eye level. He didn’t seem concerned but I had to keep apologizing for tapping him with my brush. This was mildly amusing, overall.

I preferred to drink my very tasty Bloody Mary and forwent the wine. There was music playing that was more like a dance party. This was no regular daytime painting class. The process was formulaic and fast paced. I had to work as fast as possible on the trees. The paint didn’t blend well and my brush had lumps from the previous uses. Suffice it to say that the paint wasn’t the best quality. I’ve worked with better acrylics, ones that don’t dry as fast or get as runny when you add water. But this was a fun challenge.

Even though I went by myself, I had a really good time, and I’d do it again. The more I reflect on it (no pun intended) the more I realize how much I enjoyed myself.

I rarely, rarely draw random characters. This was a surprising character that came out maybe a year ago. I haven’t heard from him since. In my life, so much is whizzing by all the time. It’s neat to see if there are developments, or if someone is here to stay. It’s often a surprise…when they do.

Every day I’ve been diligently doing my Og Mandino book 📖 scroll reading (3x a day). It’s a bit tedious, but I’ve never tried to reread the same text over and over again for 30 days (as the book requires). See previous post where I mention the book.

Will we see Jack again? What do you think Jack was up to? Where was he going? Your guess will be as good as mine.

Today I could not find my sketch pencils ✏️. I have a lot of organizing I need to do, but currently my schedule is at maximum. As I become more efficient, I will have a new maximum. Let me remember today. Also, I am including drawings from the year 2016 when I was making an effort to be more diligent with my drawing. I am working on a number of skills simultaneously…

I am truly only seeking within, with gratitude, with freedom, with awareness.

It’s true, I believe, when I say: I love you all 💗

takes a lot of energy
to maintain the light
under the hood

to keep the engine ready
for that moment it gets
more gas,

finally?

all might come and go so quickly
synching things up
is more of an exploration
in the tangled woodsy mix
of the dead and new leaves and
branches twisted
than a showcase for display
at an art venue where art
tries to be nature,
but is human-filtered,

anyways

in this gallery,
you can hunt and peck for
what you like–
please, find ‘something’
that you like.

does it sparkle?
or do you prefer the neglected?

we have both for sale!

wait don’t walk away
we are just getting warmed up
one minute at a time,
a couple of minutes a day,

potentially more often
than i signed up for.

who are you? but me…
waiting to be set free,
knowing you already are free
so just be.

don’t go.
don’t hide.

the best is always yet to come!

This is….

FUN.

A dragon? A mountain?

Who cares- it took less than two minutes?

I’m not daunted…

I will continue on.

These are washable kids paints. It’s taking more time to post this than it did to make it. These were my favorite colors when I was a child, but at some point the yellow dropped out as a favorite color. Today I honor that yellow that “dropped out.”

There was a time once when I wouldn’t share this. But I am, because it’s a thing to do. I promised myself I’d spend at least 10 min a week doing something with line and color, no matter how far away I am from being inspired to do so, and no matter how much I’m not good at it anymore. See Janet Weight Reed for inspiration.

There are many disciplines like this that I have been developing. I am also reading an Og Mandino book “The Greatest Salesman.” It’s a series of scrolls that each have to be read for 30 days. I am on scroll 1, day 2.

A patient of mine came in with the book last week, and I had the perfect book recommendation for him. This was the book the patient had just finished. He casually showed me. I immediately knew this book was on my “sign up” list.

This image looks less like a glass and more like one of those coil pots you make in kindergarten and then don’t know what to do with once your done, so you give it to your mom to cherish.

I immediately ran out of the light blue color. It’s an electrolyte drink (no sugar) very good-great for hydrating yourself. Electrolytes are so important for me. My blog is never to be used to diagnose or for any information about healthcare. It is only for entertainment purposes only.

don’t underestimate yourself

once you cross that line
in that sand of trials
you build momemtum
and when that happens,
nothing can pause you for too long

nothing can stop you

you know yourself
you are clear

it’s in your breath,
it’s in your training

you know how to count in the only
way that matters to you.

you know what you did before,
and keep watching yourself
transcend where you were.

all your energy is working for you,
no distractions
oneness in body, mind,
and soul.

close your eyes and just imagine
this is your new beginning,
and it has all your past practice,
with the joy of discovery

you are really on your path
see your feet on the ground
feel the wind in your hair
run for fun.

dance with freedom in your lungs!

****
corresponding to the New Moon in Aquarius

no where near my birthday now,
steady on the end of current age-platform
this juicy decade gave way
to a certain level of clarity
that the 20s could not provide

and it took me into a deeper experience, than my 20s world travel
would, when i was across the world after 911, and during it, before
globalism became what it is today.

in my earliest years a
philosophical child,
my father explained death,
i was 3. he says he remembers my
face.

“really? you mean everybody dies?”

i lived in questioning – a strong muscle made from previous starry lives.

seeing this face in the candid photo
of my mind’s eye. seeing into past, present, and future.

now i am well-pondered, but don’t
have too many wrinkles, confirmed
by estheticians and medical assistants of skin care –

amused?! am i? there’s a lot of sleep i’ve missed thinking thoughts, places where wrinkles rolled and crimped and
limped, and wimpered.

now i regard time with a tentative eye–been in love with pattern and cycles and appreciating ephemeral
beauties.
lost friends to death, too early,
all unfair.

now youth is all i know, and better than ever. my 40s will likely be,
much younger than i’d ever have been
had i not lived deeply enough before them.

and evermore my memory restore
all that passed in the slips and dips
of the turns and spaces that burned.
i was accompanied by so much crap
i’ve shed. I’ve led a good life leaving behind. I’ve led myself out of the wilderness.

But in my 30s longer still, will fill this marvelous cavern of emptiness
that i am, until it brims over and replete with sparkles and tastes, and know that each moment, i have lived
with my senses, my body is my ally, my wonderful home, my poem.

I’m building beginning upon beginning
and growing more simple, cute and endearing. Love to you, my body, my friend–my accomplice! We have some wonderful adventures ahead! let’s enjoy this space we’ve created to play!

**
i just wanted to outwardly appreciate my youth in a way i couldn’t when i was young, acknowledging that I am still young enough, and growing truly younger. cheers for all the kiddos in the room!